He smiled at Doc. He knew, and Troy too, that everyone meant well. “You’re all his family. I’m just the arrogant date he brought home for dinner.” He laughed, his grin growing wider.
“You’re the one he chose after twenty years, Sir.” Kris’ voice was soft, but firm.
That sobered him up a little and he nodded to Kris. “I’m very lucky.” Lucky and in love. “Once you almost lose that you don’t take it for granted even for a second. Your Master knows what I mean.” He looked at Carter. “I’m sorry, man. But I don’t think Troy will be coming back to the diner. I hope you understand.”
Geoff and Carter were totally stunned.
“Ever?”
“You told me he was fine!” Geoff’s voice was shrill, sharp. “He told me it was going to be fine! Goddamn it!”
“Boy!”
“Geoff? Honey, what’s wrong?” Troy stood there, pale as milk.
“You said you were fine!”
“I am!” Troy stared at him, wide-eyed. “Master?”
“He is going to be fine, Geoff. We talked about this, remember? Yoga?” Saul held out a hand to Troy. They’d been pretty stoned, maybe Geoff had forgotten. “I’m trying to convince Troy to get his teaching certificate. He’s been talking about opening a studio.”
“I thought that was a five-year or ten-year plan deal.”
“I’m healthier now than I was a year ago, y’all. Recovering, sure, but healthier.” Troy came back to him, handed him his Coke.
“Well, we’re negotiating.” He smiled at his boy. “But Troy has a talent, and a passion, and I’d like to see him use it.”
“I think that would be a fascinating idea,” Matt said. “Seriously, you’ve got all the skills you need.”
Saul glanced at Carter again, who hadn’t said a word yet. “You understand, right?” It would be hard for Troy to do if he thought he was disappointing Carter.
“I understand it, but I hate it. You’re supposed to be in the kitchen working with me forever, kiddo.”
Troy looked to him, then to Carter. “Master Carter, let’s talk tomorrow? Please?”
“We’ll talk tomorrow.” Carter nodded. “Today we’re relaxing.”
Saul nodded too, and stroked his fingers through Troy’s hair. He didn’t regret getting the conversation started, but he respected Troy’s wish to finish it later. “I’m sorry if I worried you, Geoff.”
“Thank you, Sir. I-I just freaked.”
Carter had Geoff, was holding him close. “Obviously we need to have a long talk.”
“Our place, tomorrow night? We’ll make dinner and sit outside, it’ll be nice.” And they could talk as friends, not as Doms and subs.
“That sounds good, man. We’re in.” Carter nodded to Saul, Geoff wrapped in his arms.
He smiled at Troy, and then shifted down into the cushions. “Hey, there. Breathe.” He hooked a finger under Troy’s chin and took a kiss, offering Troy his calm confidence.
“Master.” That was a prayer, a mantra, and Troy eased in his arms.
“Good boy.” He got settled, arms around his boy, fingers tucking under Troy’s shirt. He looked up first at Carter, then to Doc and Matt. “He needs to work. Even though we’ve been pretty creative, we’ve had a hard time with headspace, with grounding. We’re fine… and also not, you know?”
They all—to a man—nodded, but it was Matt who spoke.
“I found the most challenging part was knowing when and how hard to push, to be honest.” Matt reached out and took Kris’ hand. “And there were times when I had to focus on my emotions to be able to relax and give him what he needed.”
Saul had been trying pretty hard to understand his emotions. He wasn’t burying them or denying they existed, they just swung from one thing to another and he never quite got a handle on what he was feeling. “The emotions are hard to pin down. I know that doesn’t help.”
It really helped to hear Matt say that though. When and how hard to push was an issue, and he’d been second-guessing himself, questioning his own judgment.
“That’s always the thing, isn’t it?” David chuckled, and the sound was wry. “I have a terrible trouble with my temper, as I know it, but sometimes swallowing it isn’t the best answer, you know?”
“Yeah. It’ll come out one way or another, right? If you don’t talk, it might come out your arm instead. Or cloud your judgment.” He’d been there. Hard stop safe words were no fun if you didn’t know you were riding a line.
“Exactly. If you’re going to push your boy over an edge, your responsibility is huge. Hell, if we expect them to hand us their bodies, their souls, we have to deserve that trust.”
He slid his fingers over Troy’s scar. “I try not to expect it. I try to earn it, you know? Make that ask every time, treat the acceptance like a gift. Elevate the scene.”
“I like that,” Doc said. “I like the way you come at that, Saul.”
Oh, that praise felt good.
“Thank you. It works well for us. I like to remind my boy that a scene is about us, not just me.”
No bag of rocks.
He smiled at Doc. “I’m guessing your boy needs a slightly different approach.”
“My boy and I are learning about trust still, and about how to find our balance.”
It would be easy to assume that was because Ben was young, but he knew better than most around the fire right now that age was only a small piece, if it meant anything at all. It was far more likely to be Ben’s background and old habits getting in the way.
“That’s good work.” He glanced at Ben. “That high when your trust is validated is… wow. Really important work.”
He could feel Troy’s heart beating, strong and steady under his hand.
“It is. It’s a gift, and I respect that.” Doc smiled, and Ben beamed at his Master.
He liked the way Ben looked at Doc, whatever the boy had in his past, that was the appearance of a sub who felt safe.
“What about you, David? How are things with you and Travis?” David and Travis had an interesting dynamic. They seemed perfectly happy to him, they were just… quieter.
“Smooth sailing, don’t you think, pet?”
“Yes, Sir.” Travis was on his way back to David with a beer, handed it to his Master and kissed the side of David’s neck. “For now,” he teased, mischief in his voice.
“Don’t you make me put you over my knee now.” They both laughed together, the sound harmonious, happy, and healthy.
“Oh, it’s like that, is it?” He glanced at Troy. “Don’t get any ideas, practical joker.” Actually, Troy and Geoff hadn’t been in much trouble at all since… well, since the first time Troy brought him to a gathering. Was that good or bad?
He got the sense that Troy had been rotten in the past—playful and teasing—and his boy was Zen, as a rule. Troy needed Zen. Crazy, stressful hours as a line cook could really take it out of a guy. Not that he had a strong opinion on the subject.
His boy was calm but not really Zen right now though, and although he loved the feel of all that warm, smooth skin under his fingers, he was jonesing to mark it up.