“She made a choice, Valda. She could have chosen differently, and I doubt anyone could have faulted her for it. The one choice I do fault her for is the burden she placed on you,” he finished. “That said, right or wrong, saving the world isn’t on you.”
“If it’s not on me, then who is it on?” Because if no one would accept that charge, those who would take advantage would definitely step up. People like Smithson, perhaps, who stood to gain, whether his plans were successful or not.
Greed drove men as much as power did. Sometimes more.
“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I will abide by your wishes on this. If you go, then so will I. But I don’t want you to go. More, I don’t want to live another day without you. I had that for five years, Valda. Whatever we do, we do it together.”
“On that,” Oz said solemnly. “We agree. I left you once,” he added, gaze locked on mine. “I won’t do that again. I won’t let you leave me behind either, so if you think to do this and leave us here to get on with our lives—”
“I won’t,” I promised before he could even finish the sentence. “I have always valued my work.” Pushing away from the table, I crossed to him. “I have always believed it needed everything, deserved everything I am, because I had to find the answers. But I forgot the most important part of saving lives is valuing the life I have. Valuing all of you. I won’t make this decision alone. We make it together, or it doesn’t happen.”
He looped an arm around my waist and tugged me to him. Eyes closed, I tucked my head against his chest. Then Andreas surprised me by pressing right up against my back. They cocooned me between them, and I could cheerfully sink into this moment and never emerge.
“At some point,” Andreas murmured against my hair, “I’ll want to discuss that offer of yours.”
Offer of mine?
I frowned, then a flash of insight danced across my mind’s eye. In the memoriam, I’d propositioned them both, and I laughed, more startled than anything. “I thought I so offended you with that offer.”
“Surprised,” he admitted. “I’m not saying it will ever happen. That hasn’t been our relationship.”
“Not saying it won’t either,” Oz added. “Because relationships change.”
“And I believe you have to test a theory to discover whether the conditions are right in order to achieve the desired results…”
“To test any results, really,” I teased, then leaned my head back against Andreas’ shoulder and gazed up at the pair of them. My heart squeezed like a fist closed around it. “I feel like there are so many things we didn’t have before…”
“It just means we get to discover it now,” Oz assured me. He traced a finger down my cheek. “But you are still wrestling with this decision, and you have our thoughts.”
“And Dirk’s.” Because his mind would not change. Under no circumstances did he want me doing this. Could I persuade him? Perhaps, but I would be asking him to go against his very nature, and I had done that enough. “I need to talk to Hatch.”
“Then go talk to him,” Andreas said against my ear before nudging the hair out of the way to press a kiss behind it. “I’ll catch Oz up on what I learned, since he’s being far too polite to ask, even if the curiosity is eating him alive.”
I flicked a look up in time to catch the droll look Oz shot Andreas, and I smiled. “No more secrets. If you have questions after…”
“I’ll ask,” he promised. “Go find Hatch. We can track down Dirk if they aren’t together…”
I nodded, lingering for a few minutes longer between them, before I headed out of the kitchen. I didn’t know the layout of this old stone castle. The pair could literally be anywhere, but… I concentrated, focusing on Hatch, and everything in my system tugged to the right, so I followed that internal insistence.
I followed it down the hall, up a flight of stairs, and then along another balustrade that opened out into the damp and misty morning. Fog clung to the ground, and the drizzle left a sheen of moisture on my cheeks. But I continued obeying the unerring sense into the open door of one of the turrets, then up the circular stairs that had me near breathless by the time I reached the top.
Hatch stood alone in the garret, staring out into the distance. The open air at the top let the mist and the rain in. The dampness seemed to invade everything. I resisted the urge to fold my arms as I crossed to where he stood.
“You shouldn’t be up here,” he said, his voice soft. “It’s too exposed.”
“Then why are you up here?” I slid my arms around him and pressed against his back. Warmth flooded me at the contact, and my system settled as a sense of peace soothed the disquiet in my soul.
“Thinking,” he said, covering my hand on his abdomen with his own and tracing his fingers against my skin. “Dirk wasn’t in the mood to talk.”
I should find him.
“Not yet, luv,” he murmured, as though I’d spoken the thought aloud. “He needs time to wrestle his temper under control. The thought of losing you after everything we’ve already done is nonnegotiable for all of us.”
I pressed my lips to his back. They’d both undergone so much torture.
“Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Not when the reward was finding you safe and sound again. When we knew you were out and the others had you safe… Well, at least until Oz, the daft idiot, showed up to save us, and even that I’m hard pressed to be angry with him over. He actually did it.”
I smiled. If I closed my eyes, I could see the room he’d been held in. Feel the blows.
“Don’t.” Hatch pulled away, only to twist and face me. His hands came to my face and cupped it. “I’ll hide nothing from you. I don’t know why the nanites have bound us quite so tightly, but I don’t want you to feel that pain.”
“You shouldn’t have to have suffered it alone.”
“Like you did?” Challenge filled his voice. “Deny it if you dare, but I know you went through hell to get out of the memoriam, if you had to put yourself into a medical coma to treat your shredded DNA.”
I frowned.
“Andreas told me and Oz last night after you and Dirk went to bed.” He rubbed his thumbs in slow circles. “We all endure our own crucibles. I don’t want you to have that pain. Just pleasure. Just you and me. And whatever this means… And when I have time, I’ll see what’s going on with the nanites because the guys deserve to know if they want this connection with you. Or if you even want it at all. I could probably knock them out with an EMP…”
I pushed up on my tiptoes as I dragged his head down and then shut him up with a kiss. He allowed me control for all of a split-second before he pulled me into him. His tongue demanded access, and I dug my fingers into his neck. I needed to feel him. As he lifted me, I worried about his injuries, and he batted aside the thought.
There was only how he tasted and felt. The heat of him rushed through me, and I wrapped my legs around his hips. Even with our clothing in the way, the press of his erection against my core had me grinding against him, or maybe he ground against me.