“They were all asleep when I came to get Sam,” I explain softly, somewhat defensively. Sam and I had made plans the day before, and Aaron had approved them. She’d been sitting on the couch in the living room when I’d arrived to collect her.
“Where did you guys go?”
“Shopping for Father’s Day,” I admit.
Her eyebrows shoot up toward her hairline. “Father’s Day?”
“It’s coming up, and Sam had an idea.” I shrug. “So I promised to take her shopping.”
“How did you guys get to talking about Father’s Day?” she asks, and she looks like she’s genuinely curious.
“She brought it up when we were fishing.”
“What did you get?”
“We went to the t-shirt shop at the mall, and she had a shirt made.” It really wasn’t anything fantastic, but it was all her idea. “Oh,” I add, “we went by that little camera shop, too, and I picked up the supplies you’ll need to develop your pictures out back.”
She looks startled. “You did?”
“Yeah.”
“How did you know what to get?”
I laugh. “I didn’t. I just told the guy at the counter to give me everything I’d need. I probably bought way too much stuff. Plus I got some extra film. Did you know it’s hard to find real film anymore? Everything is digital now.” I shake my head as I go and sit down on the couch near her. Then I just stare at her. I can’t stop staring at her. She looks so comfortable and relaxed, so un-Bess-like.
“What’s wrong?” she asks me warily. “You have a funny look on your face.”
I lift one shoulder. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”
“It’s something.” She lifts her bare foot and nudges my knee with her toe, and all I can think is that she just touched me. On purpose. “What is it? Tell me.”
“You just look happy, that’s all,” I admit sheepishly.
Her cheeks color a little, but she doesn’t freeze up or act like I just called her out on something. Instead, she smiles a little bigger. She lifts Miles up and rests him on her shoulder, where he settles peacefully with his forehead against her neck. “Eli, I’m really worried about Aaron,” she says. She looks toward the kitchen to be sure the girls are still occupied. “He was really sick.” She drops her voice down to a whisper. “I mean like really, really sick.”
“Well, that’s one of the reasons why he came here, to get some help during all this,” I remind her.
“At least he’ll be done with it next week and things can get back to normal.”
Normal. Next week, Aaron will be done with chemo and he’ll be ready to begin palliative care. But Bess doesn’t know that. I open my mouth to tell her, because it doesn’t feel right that she doesn’t know yet, but a faint knock sounds on the door and then Gabby walks in.
“Good morning,” she says. “Mom and I got done quicker than we thought.” She looks around. “Is everything okay?”
“Aaron is sick,” Bess explains quietly. “I just came to help with the kids.”
“Well, if you want me to take over now…” Gabby says hesitantly.
“That’s probably a good idea.”
“I’m going to cheat and take them all up to the big house,” she says with a laugh. “Sam and Alex have a lot in common, and Trixie and Kerry-Anne are besties, so they all kind of take care of themselves.”
Bess gets up and transfers Miles into Gabby’s arms, then Gabby gathers the girls up like a mother hen, gets Kerry-Anne dressed, and they all leave together.
Bess stands there like she’s unsure of what to do next. “I don’t want to leave Aaron unattended for too long,” she explains.
“I can sit with him if you want to go get dressed.” I drag my eyes down the ridiculous print of her favorite pajamas. They’re threadbare now because she loves them so much.
She looks down. “Aaron likes the duck jammies,” she objects, then she grins at me. “But I see your point. I’ll go get dressed.”
“Maybe put on a…” I drag my eyes toward her chest. “…you know.” My cheeks go hot. But she’s standing there without a bra on, she’s my wife, and I think she’s sexy as hell no matter what she’s wearing, especially now that she’s actually smiling at me.
“What?” she asks. She looks down again.
“A bra, Bess,” I clarify.
“Oh.” She laughs out loud. “It’s not like you’ve never seen them before, Eli.”
I meet her eyes and suck in a breath. “It’s been a while, Bess.” My voice sounds gravelly even to my ears. Her cheeks get even rosier, and she’s so damn cute in that moment that I want to kiss her.
“I’m going to go change,” she says. She moves quickly toward the door and out it, closing it softly behind her. I see her stop and sag against the door through the window. Then she straightens her spine and leaves.
Oh, Bess, I think. What’s it going to take?
27
Aaron
When I wake up, my whole house is quiet. I lie still and listen to the silence. When you have three kids, that’s something that never happens. Even when they’re sleeping, there’s noise in the house. It might be from the dishwasher running or the dryer spinning, or it might be the padding of their little socked feet as they go to the bathroom. But you never get dead silence. Never ever. If you do, then something is very wrong.
I get up, glad that I can actually move now without throwing up. I don’t know what I would have done without Bess this morning. She saved me when I didn’t even know I’d need saving. The doctor had said this round of chemo was a low dose, and that it might or might not buy me some time. I wanted one last summer. I needed one last summer. But I’m not at all sure that’s what I’m going to get.
I get up, slowly pull on some shorts, and step outside. I shade my eyes with my palm, and I look across toward Eli and Bess’s cottage. Eli is working on his front porch, where he has pulled up a few rotten boards to replace them. He’s wearing a tool belt, and he looks like he’s totally engrossed in his task. But what’s funny is that Sam is standing right next to him, and he’s patiently watching her hammer a nail.
“Morning, sunshine,” Eli says as I walk across the yard. My legs are weak as water. “Feeling better?”
Sam stops what she’s doing and stares at me. I know I don’t look well. In the mirror, I saw the broken veins in my cheeks from all the throwing up, and I already know I have dark circles under my eyes. My eyes are bloodshot like I’ve been binge-drinking.
“Don’t know that I could have felt much worse,” I admit. My stomach gurgles just thinking about it.
“Have you had anything to eat or drink?” he asks, his brow furrowing.
“Not yet. I’ll get something in a minute.” I look around. “Where’s Bess?”
“In the shack out back. She set up some photos to process this morning, and now she’s hanging the pictures up to dry.” He nudges Sam with his elbow. “Sam, go and get your dad a juice pouch, will you? They’re in the fridge.”