Shaking her head quickly, she felt the blush of embarrassment hit her and said, “You don’t have to say this—”
“You’re right, I don’t. But it’s the truth.” His face contorted in a grimace. “I had just turned eighteen years old and you were only sixteen. I wasn’t going to tie myself down before heading off into adulthood, but the only reason I didn’t take that kiss further was that you were too young.”
Her heart began to pound. “You were man enough to apologize to me, and I need to be adult enough to apologize to you, also. It was wrong of me to kiss you the way I did. I know now it’s never right for someone to force a kiss on anyone else, but I especially put you in an awkward position.”
His lips curved more, and her gaze snagged on his smile. “Honestly, there’s no need for you to apologize, but if it makes you feel better, I accept. Just know that if you’d been older, I wouldn’t have stopped the kiss.”
She sucked her lips in, giving a little nod. While glad to hear that he didn’t resent her, she could not fight the overwhelming sense of heaviness that pressed on her heart. Her voice was shaky, but she pushed ahead. “I’m glad we cleared the air, and it’s nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who felt something special when we were in the mountains. But Nolan, we need to be smart. Two days of special does not make a future.”
“Unless we give it a shot, we have no idea what our future could be.”
“You’re actually talking about a future with me?” She blinked, staring at him in incredulity.
“All I know is that I don’t want you to contact an attorney tomorrow morning.”
“Why? What could be the purpose of not moving forward with a divorce?”
He leaned forward slightly, and for a second, she wondered if he was going to kiss her. Instead, he moved his head so that their gazes were much closer. “Right now, we just admitted that we care for each other, both found our time incredibly special, and enjoyed being together. Add to that the fact that we’re actually married, we owe it to ourselves to see… to see—”
“To see what?”
“To see it through.”
She jerked again at those words, her breath leaving her lungs in a rush. Hearing that he didn’t want her to contact an attorney sent her mind into a tangle of thoughts. Fear mixed with joy. Anger mixed with relief. But more than anything was the sad reality that stayed with her. “Nolan, I don’t see how we can make this work between us.”
This time he jerked at her words, and she felt her heart crack. Swallowing deeply, she pushed forward. “Our lives are too different. You’re a SEAL. That’s not just your job, it’s your identity. And while it’s a world that I’ve never experienced and don’t understand, I accept that it’s your world. You’re gone for weeks or months to places you can’t talk about. And when you’re not on a mission, your home is California. Me? My life is here. My business is here.”
“I get it, babe. For a long time, I didn’t see how being a SEAL and being married could work, but I’ve got to tell you that I’ve now got a whole team of married, engaged, or involved people as an inspiration. And every one of them is happy and they’re making it work.”
“Yes, but most of them are together in the same place, aren’t they?”
He hesitated and she pounced. “Nolan, I know some people can just up and move wherever, but it’s taken me a long time to get my business off the ground. I can’t just cancel my clients and move across the country—to a place where I know no one—only to have you gone most of the time. Maybe that’s selfish, but think about it… we’ve only been married for four days and only two of those actually together. That’s more of a recipe for disaster than success.”
He looked down at their hands, his features twisted in anguish, and her heart ached even more than she thought possible. Part of her wanted to just give in and tell him that she would do whatever she needed to do to make it work. She had no doubts about her feelings for him, but the uncertainty of their future loomed greatly.
“I’m not going to be a SEAL forever. You know I plan on coming back and working with my dad.”
“I think that sounds wonderful, and I know how much your parents would love that.”
“But don’t you see?” he begged. “I’m not asking you to move. I’m just reminding you that I’ll be back.”
She nibbled on her bottom lip as she carefully pondered what he was saying. “What are you asking me to do, Nolan? Do you think two days together is enough to know what we have?”
He scooted closer to her, his gaze intense. “All I know is that those were the best two days of my life. What I feel for you, I’ve never felt for anyone else. With just those two days, what I want is a chance.”
“Most people do that before they get married.”
“Yeah, you’re right, Lynn. We did everything backward and didn’t even mean to. If we didn’t feel anything for each other, then I’d beg for you to call the attorney tomorrow morning and we would file for a quick and easy divorce. But we do feel something for each other.”
Her heart squeezed and uncertainty filled her “I want to do the right thing. I want to make the right decision.”
“Honestly, babe, when it comes to the heart, all you can do is go for it.”
Her brow furrowed as she tried to think through all the possibilities. “So, if I don’t call the attorney tomorrow, then what? Will it be harder to do this down the road?”
“I say we stay married. We give it a shot.” He gave her hand a little jerk, and quickly added, “I’m not talking about sex. We don’t even have to have sex. That’s not what this is about. I just want us to spend more time together. Get to know each other more. I’ve only got a couple of weeks of my recuperation and then I go back. But I want us to stay married and give this relationship our all, long enough to decide if what we felt during those two days was real.”
“Are we setting a timeline for this?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely not. There’s no timeline on the heart.”
A giggle erupted, and she could not hold it back. He chuckled along with her and shook his head. “I’m glad my team couldn’t hear me say that goofy line.” Their mirth cut through the tense emotions. He leaned forward and with his free hand cupped her cheek. “All I’m asking is for you to give us a chance.”
She nodded, leaning her weight into his hand. “Okay, I promise I won’t call the attorney tomorrow morning. I won’t do anything without letting you know, but I need to think about this.”
His smile spread across his face, and a sigh left his lips. He stood and gently pulled her to her feet. “There’s nothing I’d like to do more than stay right now, but I don’t want to crowd you.” He pulled her close and kissed her lightly, and just like with every kiss, she melted toward him. He ended it much too soon, then pressed her cheek against his strong heartbeat and kissed the top of her head.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.”
He let her go and she instantly felt the chill of their separation. She fought the desire to call him back, watching him walk out her door instead.