EVIE: the Road Trip meet-cute has to be a long car journey with a guy. I know the meet-cutes have been a bit of a disaster so far, but if I’m going to get NOB writing, I need to hold up my end of the deal
JEREMY: you mean the part where you meet someone and fall in love?
EVIE: thanks for the recap, Jem. Guys, will you help me find my Harry?
SARAH: fine. But knowing you, he’ll probably be an ax murderer or something
MARIA: Operation “Find Evie Someone Who Isn’t an Ax Murderer” is now in progress. Everyone share my post!
SARAH: done
JEREMY: only with friends, right, Sarah? Not the whole world?
SARAH: yes, Jeremy, I’m not the disaster here
EVIE: hey!
JEREMY: Sarah just shared with everyone
SARAH: I didn’t, did I? I’m doing this while on a conference call with the caterer, the florist, and the venue manager, so forgive me if you don’t have 100 percent of my attention
EVIE: don’t worry, Sarah. I’m sure any friends of your friends are just fine
JEREMY: bless your little heart, Evie
SARAH: I think I just shared it again
MARIA: speaking of oversharing, NOB made it into the gossip columns this week. Hang on, I’ll send the link
MONICA REED “DEEPLY UNHAPPY”
A close source told Bitch About It that the Oscar winner, 44, is finally ready to throw her boy toy out of the pram. Mum of two Reed has been dating one-hit wonder Ezra Chester, 33, on and off for a year now. Reed’s friends are concerned: “It’s her first fling after her divorce and she’s clearly deeply unhappy. The last thing she needs is another child to take care of.”
MARIA: it’s about damn time. She deserves so much better.
JEREMY: I adore catty Maria
MARIA: it’s my release
SARAH: I’ve found someone!
JEREMY: I’ve changed my mind. The road trip is a terrible plan. Don’t do it
SARAH: he’s lovely, I promise. Absolutely definitely not a pervert!
JEREMY: it’s not reassuring when you have to say it, Sarah
MARIA: hush, Jem. You know what she means. That was quick, Sarah. Who is he? A friend?
SARAH: in a way
JEREMY: now I’m reassured
EVIE: right now, I’ll take anyone
SARAH: good, because I’ve already sent him your number
* * *
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Er, hi, this is weird, but do you know Sarah? She said you were offering lifts to Sheffield at Christmas?
EVIE: hi! What’s your name, sorry? Yes, it’s more of a car share, is that okay? Do you have a car?
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Sorry, haha! It’s Paul. I don’t have a car.
EVIE: hi Paul. No worries. We can hire one. Do you have a license?
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: Yes, though there might be a small issue that means I can’t actually drive. I can explain when we meet.
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: Are you there?
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: Hello? Are you ignoring me? If you are, don’t worry. I don’t mind.
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: It’s just that it’s Christmas, and Sarah said you were giving free lifts but if you’ve changed your mind just let me know. It’s the polite thing to do. No need to be an arsehole. Haha!
EVIE: sorry for the delay, I was on the tube heading home from work
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: It’s late to be just finishing work, but no worries.
EVIE: I really was on the tube, Paul
* * *
EVIE: Sarah, who is Paul?
SARAH: You know my friend Michelle from work?
JEREMY: no
MARIA: the one who went missing?
SARAH: it turned out she just needed some time to herself. He’s her ex
EVIE: Sarah!
SARAH: What?! I met him once and he looked rich
* * *
EVIE: hi Paul, I’m so sorry, there’s been a mistake. I’m really looking for someone with a car. Sorry to waste your time
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: I thought you were a saddo looking for a boyfriend.
EVIE: bye Paul
* * *
EVIE: it’s a no to Paul
MARIA: don’t worry, I’ve found you a guy—the lovely Graeme. His mum lives next door to mine and he’s driving home for Christmas too. Operation Road Trip meet-cute is a go! I can’t wait to have you up here for a whole week
EVIE: thank you! Sorry Sarah
* * *
SARAH: to be honest you’ve probably dodged a bullet. Besides, I already have the solution to your plus one situation. MY WEDDING. I’m going to find you the perfect man
JEREMY: #TeamGraeme
* * *
YOU MISSED A CALL TODAY AT 12:14 A.M. FROM NOTAPERVERTPAUL
YOU MISSED A CALL TODAY AT 01:34 A.M. FROM NOTAPERVERTPAUL
YOU MISSED A CALL TODAY AT 03:17 A.M. FROM NOTAPERVERTPAUL
NOTAPERVERTPAUL: I’m so sorry, Evie, it looks like my cat fell asleep on my phone and butt-dialed you a few times. But while we’re here, can we talk about that lift?
YOU BLOCKED NOTAPERVERTPAUL
Chapter 12
WLTM
EXT: SOUTHBANK CENTRE BOOK MARKET—FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 11 A.M.
EVIE is browsing the stacks of secondhand books laid out on wooden tables in the shadow of Waterloo Bridge. She’s too absorbed to notice a man stepping up behind her until he tugs on one of the pigtails sticking out from beneath her woolly hat.
I whipped my head around to see NOB, clearly hungover. For NOB, this meant he was wearing sunglasses in winter, rather than reconsidering his life choices like any normal human being.
“You’re late,” I said.
“You’re lucky I came at all.” NOB had a large coffee in one hand; his other was shoved deep into his coat pocket. He was wearing a gray beanie that hung loosely off the back of his head and was about as practical as a paper crown against the bitter December weather. Though his Canada Goose parka looked toasty enough.