I skidded around a corner, sliding a little on black ice. Right, Evie, probably time to calm down. NOB hadn’t responded to any of the messages I’d sent on my train ride here. The only message I’d received had been another Code Red from Monty, telling me I had to come straight to the office.
There were any number of scenarios that would explain why Monty could possibly want to see me at this hour. They all ended with Monty wanting to fire me.
My phone lit up again.
It was NOB. Oh, thank God.
NOB: Where’s the fire, Red?
RED: didn’t you get my messages?
NOB: All 300 of them, yes
RED: then you know our deal is still on
NOB: That’s not what you said last night
Shit. I rattled my keys in the lock but the door wouldn’t budge. Monty had slid the dead bolt across on the inside. What is going on?
EVELYN: hi Monty, I’m here, but I can’t get inside
EVELYN: it’s very cold out! Are you still there?
EVELYN: hello?
MONTY: I NEED YOU TO GET SOME THINGS FROM TESCO.
EVELYN: didn’t you want to talk to me first? You did say Code Red
MONTY: BLEACH. AND CARPET CLEANER.
MONTY: AND SOME PAPER TOWELS. AND GLOVES.
MONTY: AND AIR FRESHENER.
He was going to fire me. Or worse.
EVIE: guys, I think my boss is going to murder me
MARIA: are you at work?!
EVIE: in Tesco, buying Monty the things he needs to clean up when he’s done with me. The checkout assistant is giving me the eye
JEREMY: ask her for some tarpaulin
EVIE: NOB had a meeting with Monty today. I think he’s told him about our agreement. My heart might explode
MARIA: try not to worry. It could be absolutely anything
EVIE: OK. I’m back at the office now. Wish me luck
SARAH: can everyone just take a second to appreciate the fact that I’M GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR
JEREMY: Evie, send us proof of life as soon as you’re done
Monty had removed the dead bolt this time. I pushed open the heavy front door, calling out a cautious “Hello?”
There was no response.
I left my case in the hall and headed slowly up the stairs with the bag of cleaning supplies, treading softly on the worn brown carpet. Usually the creaky old stairs gave me a sense of comfort and familiarity, but tonight they filled me with dread.
Creeeak. You’re going to get fired. Creeeak. Monty is waiting upstairs and he’s furious because NOB hasn’t delivered and it’s all your fault. Creeeak. You’re carrying the stuff he’s going to use to remove the evidence and they’ll never find your body.
The main hallway was dark, lit only by the light in Monty’s office. It had a window that looked out onto the corridor where my desk was, but the blinds were closed.
There was a smell that hadn’t been here before Christmas. One that hit the back of my throat and stung my nostrils. With every step toward Monty’s office, it grew stronger.
“Monty?”
My poor hungover stomach could barely handle it.
I held my breath and pushed open the door.
Monty was sitting on the floor, hands clasped, staring at an upturned Nando’s bag between his splayed legs. There were two open bottles of champagne on his desk. One had red lipstick on the rim.
He looked up at me with unfocused eyes. “EVELYN, THANK GOD. I’M AFRAID I’M IN A BIT OF A PICKLE.”
Well, that explained the messages. Drunk Monty always spoke in caps lock.
“What happened?” I asked, trying my best not to breathe through my nose.
“MY DATE.” He saw me wince and lowered his voice to a whisper. “My date. I wanted to . . . ‘show off’ the office, but it turned out she very much had—hic—other plans.” Other than the lipstick on the bottle, I couldn’t see any sign of her.
“Why did you want to see me?” I asked.
He lurched suddenly to his feet. “I had a meeting with Ezra. He told me the news.”
“News?”
“Then we went for a cheeky Nando’s.”
“You and Ezra?” I asked, mystified, trying to imagine them eating chicken together.
“Me and my date.”
“And what happened before then, Monty?”
“Well, we were getting on really well. She kept checking I was okay with getting frisky.” I closed my eyes briefly. “She was helping me celebrate the brilliant news.”
Wait. “What brilliant news?” I asked, hardly daring to hope.
“Aren’t you listening? Ezra’s written the first act. And the pages . . .” Monty raised his voice and threw his arm out as if addressing a crowd. “The pages are STUPENDOUS. He’s outdone himself.”
For a moment, I couldn’t respond. Was this true? I sank to the rug, leaving Monty standing.
“I wouldn’t sit there.”
“But . . . the Code Red.”
“It is VERY hard to find a decent restaurant that’s open on New Year’s Day.”
That was it? That’s the emergency I’d spent all day fretting about?
On the plus side, I hadn’t lost my job. NOB was writing. Our deal was working.
“Can I read the pages?”
Monty’s expression performed several acrobatics before landing in a frown. He waggled a finger at me. “You have to wait. He said he’s at a delicate . . . a delicate junction. Top-level eyes only until it’s done.” Will Monty ever see me as more than just his assistant? “Right now, you have an important job to do.”
“I know, get him to finish it,” I said. Monty frowned at this. “Wait, if everything’s fine, why the second Code Red?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Monty huffed. He leaned over the Nando’s bag, hands on his hips. “My date.”
I suddenly dreaded finding out what was beneath that bag.
“If ANYONE asks if they can ‘cop a feel of you,’ say no,” Monty advised gravely. “Of course I said: Why not? Then we started to . . .” He waggled his fingers. I blanched. DO NOT PICTURE MONTY NAKED. “Just when I thought we were going to get down to it, she pushed me out of the way and—” He bent down and, in the manner of a waiter lifting a tray to reveal a hot dish, whipped off the bag. “Got down to it.”