“So I want you to look at me. I want you to look me in my eyes, at the daughter you created, and tell her why you left her when she was only a baby.”
The silence that falls upon this moment is sinister. All that you hear is heavy breathing, and the soft howl of the wind outside. No one is moving; no one is talking. Eric and I are just standing there watching these two.
There is nothing we can do but watch and see what happens. We can’t prevent the inevitable.
“Because I was a drug addict, Valor. Is that what you want to hear?”
I had never in my life seen Anna upset. I had never seen her angry or even close to it. She was always calm, collected, poised. I had assumed Valor had gotten her snappy temper from her dad, but the more I watch this the more I think differently.
I look at Eric with shock. I never knew any of that. I didn’t know about the drugs or the reason they never came to my games. I felt betrayed. Lied to by the people who raised me. Was Anna really the type of person who could leave her child behind? Was she that hypocritical?
“I was a shitty mom from the start. I had postpartum depression after I had you. I was sick, Valor.” She tries to lower her voice but it doesn’t help much.
“When I got clean, I had every intention of becoming a part of your life. But I didn’t want to shake you. You were happy without me.” Her tone falls off into a sound of agony. “I had to sit back and miss all of your accomplishments. I missed everything, Valor.” Her voice breaks off, and a whimper falls from her lips. Eric steps closer to her, but she holds her hand up to him. She wants to handle this on her own, like she should have years ago.
Tears spring in her eyes, but she tries to keep a straight face. “Don’t you dare act like leaving you was easy. I miss you every day, and I hoped, I prayed that one day you’d come find me for yourself. That maybe we cou─”
“You should have fought for me!” Valor screams. Tears spilling from her eyes. “I was your daughter, and you should have fought for me!”
Valor was getting to say her piece to her mother. It was something I never got to do, but if I did have the opportunity, I would say the same thing.
Children are not responsible for keeping a parent around. It is the adult’s job to fight for their kids, to protect them, to battle the hard things in life so they don’t have to. You don’t leave your children. You fight for them because they can’t fight for themselves sometimes.
I stand behind Valor, close enough that she can feel me, but far back enough that I’m not touching her. I’m letting her know I’m here if she needs to fall.
“I know, Valor and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, angel,” Anna cries. “I want to make up for it. I want to be a part of your life, Valor. We can work this out,” she tries to bargain, but obviously she doesn’t know how stubborn her daughter is.
“You should have made up for it when I wanted you in my life.”
It’s a brutal statement. I feel for Anna, I feel for the part of her that helped guide me as a child. But the piece of me that grew up without my actual mom, the part of me that lost his mother believes she deserves it.
I owe my entire NHL career to Anna and Eric. I owe my life to these two people. Without them I would be nothing. I would have grown up alone, with no one. Valor stands there for another moment, before turning around and walking towards her car.
I stare blankly at Anna. I don’t know what to say at this moment. What could I say? Anna looks at me with a sad smile, wiping the tears from under her eyes.
My eyes move to Eric who looks like he wants to explain more, but I don’t give him the time. I just head towards the only person who matters right now.
I should have been tired. I’d been up since eight in the morning yesterday, and now the sun was starting to rise. I should have been tired.
But I wasn’t.
Instead I was lacing up my skates in the Fury locker room when nobody was there. The quiet around me was uncommon. It’s usually bustling with noise from the managers, the coach, the players, the fans. This time it’s different.
It was just me. I’d been inside this locker room thousands of times but it never carried the weight like it did now. I still had on jeans and a normal T-shirt so putting my skates on with this on made me feel like I was going on an ice skating date.
If someone would’ve told me fourteen years ago that I’d be in here, on a Saturday when there was no practice and no game, because a girl asked me to be, I would have laughed in their face.
However, when Valor asked if we could come here when we got back to Chicago. I said yes. I didn’t hesitate, because this is where she feels at peace and she needed that more than I needed sleep.
I refused to let her leave without me in the car. I didn’t want her wrecking or doing something crazy. So I took the driver seat and drove us back to Chicago when we left Anna and Eric’s house. The ride was silent. Only the dull radio in the background.
Valor just stared out the window the entire time. Not a word came from her until we entered the windy city. That’s when I asked her if she wanted to go home or to my place. She simply looked at me and told me she wanted to be on the ice.
So that’s where we went. I would have fucking taken her to Egypt if that’s what would’ve made her happy.
After I lace up my skates, I sit there for a moment. I bow my head, shutting my eyes.
The image painted on my eyelids is haunting, like a ghost she follows me everywhere. My mind sketches the memory so perfectly, it hurts. She's sprawled out in my bed. The only light is from the sun beaming through the blinds. Giving me just enough shine to see her completely. My black sheets wrinkled under her contrast with her porcelain skin, like stars in the night sky, she twinkles.
Her slender arms rest above her head, and those honeysuckle lips are parted slightly. Her tall frame is covered with her favorite Led-Zeppelin T-shirt, and due to the placement of her arms, it's risen above her navel giving a damning view of the soft flesh of her stomach. The shirt has a hole in the lower-left corner that she fiddles with when she's nervous or wants to say something. Like a digital pencil, the image continues to be drawn out before me.
From the tips of her toes to her hip bones, her long legs look corrupt. They stretch for miles along the silk sheets, a pair of white panties cover my own personal heaven. She's the sin and the salvation all wrapped into one five-feet eleven package. Vallie's hair is draped inconsistently on the pillow.
It's the color of newly bloomed roses and similar to every other time it's untamable, with wild curls framing her heart-shaped face. I know it smells like lavender, feels like velvet. The freckles that decorate her face shift as she breathes, her almond-shaped eyes are closed, covered lovingly with jet black lashes. I know behind those lids are the rarest emerald jewels anyone has ever seen. If she were to open her eyes right now the sun would cause them to have sprinkles of yellow.
My eyes open due to the sound of my phone ringing. It pulls me from my thoughts, and I pick it up hitting the green answer button on the screen.
“Hello?”
“Do you know where Valor is? We haven’t seen her since last night and her dad is freaking out. She won’t answer her phone.”
Aurelia Riggs. Had this not been a serious conversation I’d interrogate the fuck out of her, and ask why the hell Nico Jett is fucked three ways to Sunday by her. Every time he sees me, Riggs always gets brought into the conversation.