“I hope everyone saved room for dessert,” Chloe said in that breezy singsong way she had, obviously trying to change the subject and the sudden uncomfortable mood. “Ellie and I made something special.”
“I didn’t realize you had so many talents, Ellie,” Dominic said. His smile was immediate, and he posed the remark as if he was trying to make up for embarrassing me a few minutes ago with a compliment. But I sensed the mockery underneath his words as if he knew very well I had no talents and was attempting again to remind me and to ensure everyone in the room saw me just as he did. I shot him a fake half smile, shifting in my seat.
Chloe brought out the brownie sundaes we’d made, and there were compliments all around as everyone ate them. I’d lost my appetite and just wanted dinner to be over, so the second I could, I rose, gathering a few dirty cloth napkins and some napkin rings.
“Ellie, you sit down. You’re not doing any work,” Chloe said.
“I can manage a few things,” I said, picking up my crutches and moving toward the kitchen, not wanting to feel physically incompetent on top of the hollowness Dominic’s comments evoked in me. Even if my “help” was pitifully minor.
Gabriel stood. “You women cooked. We men will clean.”
“I can’t argue with that.” Chloe laughed. “Ellie, let’s go hang out in the living room.”
Gabriel took the things I was holding out of my hands, trying to catch my eye. I looked away, smiling at Chloe. “Okay, let me just use the bathroom and I’ll meet you in there.”
I turned, just needing a few minutes to myself, needing to rally my mood.
“Ellie—” Gabriel said, but I pretended I didn’t hear him, turning in the other direction.
I went to my room and sat down on the bed, taking a deep breath. Why did I feel this way? Only because I had entertained thoughts of … belonging and was brought back down to earth. But that was good. Letting my thoughts wander there had been dangerous. Really, Dominic had done me a favor with the reminder. After a few minutes I headed back out to the living room.
I stopped right outside my door, standing where I had the slip of a view of the kitchen. I leaned against the wall, watching Gabriel as he laughed at something someone said, grabbing a dish from someone’s hand and placing it in the dishwasher.
I heard both George’s and Chloe’s voices. They were obviously all helping clean up. Not just the men at all. Those who fit here were cleaning up. And the scene looked perfect, just as it should. Gabriel laughed again, tipping his head back slightly, and I had that same sense again about this being where he belonged—where he was calm and happy and at ease.
My smile faded as Dominic stepped out of the hall bathroom, stopping where I stood. His eyes moved to where I’d been watching Gabriel in the kitchen.
“He didn’t always laugh like that.”
I stilled, looking back to Gabriel. He’d moved to the right, and I could only see the tiniest sliver of him now.
“When he first came home, he was so … skittish.” He paused. “We were overjoyed to have him back, of course, but he wasn’t the same. He’d always been this kid who did everything well. School, sports. Everyone loved him, you know. He just had this … something that everyone flocked to—a sort of confidence rare in a grown man, much less in a kid. In the last couple of years, he’s started to get that back. And I’ll be damned if you take that away from him, Crystal. He’s suffered enough—he deserves the best in life. He deserves to have the life meant for him and nothing less. Just because he’s always had a soft spot for taking in strays doesn’t mean I’m going to let you make this permanent. You got me?”
Crystal.
He thought he was insulting me by using the name, but hearing it gave me strength, reminded me that I had a shield.
I shot Dominic my most flirtatious, insincere smile, and he looked momentarily startled before he narrowed his eyes, his gaze shooting to my mouth.
He rubbed his bottom lip with his index finger. “I see what he sees in you, though, I’ll give you that. You have the kind of beauty that causes a man to make stupid choices. Causes a man to lose control of himself.”
“Is that right, sugar? Sounds like you know something about stupid choices.”
His eyes narrowed even more as he looked me up and down. “The difference is, Crystal, I can afford to make them. Gabriel can’t.” He paused again. “You know why he went to that strip club you work at, right?”
I looked away, refusing to answer him, refusing to let him see I was shaking inside. “He wanted Chloe, but he was too damn insecure to make a move. He’d stare at her picture, talk to her on the phone, get all dreamy eyed. He only needed you for practice, Crystal. It was her he wanted. Then you went and got yourself beaten up, and Gabriel kicked into rescuer mode.”
My heart stuttered in my chest, and I focused on keeping my breathing even, my expression unaffected, not willing to let him know how much his words hurt. How they were like a knife stabbing me in the gut. Because I knew Dominic wasn’t lying.
You can help me practice being touched by a woman.
He’d told me the truth himself. Only it wasn’t just a woman, it was Chloe. Chloe with her pretty face and her vibrant personality. Chloe. Of course he would want Chloe.
Not me. He didn’t want me, and he never really had. Or if he did, it was only because he still wasn’t completely comfortable with a woman, not quite ready to make a move on someone innocent and sweet like Chloe. How perfect: I was live-in practice. Someone to get close to behind closed doors, under tables. He’d grown comfortable with me because I didn’t really matter. I’d go back to the Platinum Pearl, and his relationship with Chloe would grow into something more and …
I smiled at Dominic again. “You have nothing to worry about. I’m no one’s permanent anything.”
He made a sound that was half agreement, half disgust, studying me as if trying to figure something out. He wobbled slightly, catching himself with a hand on the wall next to me, boxing me in. I met his eyes, refusing to look away, refusing to let him see how hurt I was, how unnerved by his closeness. He ran a finger down my cheekbone in the same way Gabriel had done the other night. Only this time it felt cold, hateful. This time I wanted to knock the hand caressing me away rather than turn into it. I lifted my chin.
“So beautiful … makes a man want to do such stupid, stupid things …” And then he moved in so quickly I was caught off guard. His mouth crashed down on mine, and I made a surprised squeak. His tongue darted into my mouth, and he pinned me against the wall, pressing his groin to my stomach. I almost brought a crutch up to beat at him, but the weight of his words crushed me just like his body was doing.
He only needed you for practice …
You can help me practice being touched by a woman.
I went still, letting him kiss me, letting his tongue invade my mouth and his hips grind against me, not caring. Not caring at all. Or at least that’s what I told myself. There was a crack in the ceiling and I focused on that … my mind drifting.
Dominic’s face was suddenly torn from mine with a wet-sounding pop, and I gasped, brought back to the moment, pressing my back into the wall, trying to rein in my mind from where it had started to wander. I turned my face away, clenching my eyes shut, expecting a blow of some sort.