Viv, Lola, and Penelope are having a girls’ day. And Hayden and I were happy to watch Baz. It’s no hardship.
“So . . .” I look down at Baz, who’s totally out and then lift my gaze back to Hayden. “You have no barbaric need to claim Lola as yours?”
His eyebrow lifts again at my description of marriage, but that’s what it is, right? “No, that need is definitely there, and I will. But we have time.”
“You don’t worry about it?”
“About what? Marriage?”
I lift my arm over my head, uncomfortable with the serious shift in our conversation, but I trust Hayden for whatever weird reason. “Yeah. Marriage. Being with one person forever. Or promising to be at least.”
He smiles easily. “Not with her, I don’t.”
I shake my head, not understanding that at all, but maybe that’s how I know things will never be right with Viv. I would worry constantly about committing fully to her, about fucking it all up. But Hayden doesn’t seem worried in the slightest.
“Asher.” I didn’t realize I had looked away from him until I hear my name and turn around to look at him. “It’s a choice to be faithful. To love with all your heart. It’s a choice.”
I roll my eyes and fake gag because I'm not mature enough to handle this conversation, and thankfully, he only snickers at me and slips his sunglasses on over his eyes.
When the girls arrive, Hayden quickly drags Lola out for dinner and Penelope runs to hop on Linc’s dick, although those weren’t her exact words.
I’m still pinned under Baz, and Vivienne keeps her voice low as she claims Hayden’s seat, brushing Baz’s bangs out of his face. “How long has he been asleep?”
“I’m not sure, but not long.” It’s still hard to look her in the eyes. I don’t want to fight with her anymore, but there’s so much left unsaid between us.
I prefer it that way. She nods, her eyes dragging over him and then up to my face, but I look out over the ocean. “Did he swim a lot?”
“Yeah.” I’m being a dick. I know it, but I don’t want to be her friend. I stand up, taking Baz with me and holding him over my shoulder. I don’t say anything to her, just walk inside the empty house, lay him down on the couch and start toward my room. But I stop at the hallway when Viv’s hand catches my wrist.
“Asher.” I lift my gaze from her hand to her eyes, seeing how pained they are.
“Don’t.”
She releases me and sighs softly, her eyes fluttering closed briefly. Then she meets my gaze with conviction. “Thank you for watching him.”
“It was no problem. It’s never a problem.”
“I know, but I’m still thankful.”
I close my eyes and tip my head back, a scream bubbling in my throat because it was my idea to move in here. Because I told myself I wanted to be near Baz, and I do. But goddamnit, I can’t seem to stay away from her either.
I lower my hand and move my body against hers, my hands grabbing her wrists and pinning them to the wall above her head. “Don’t thank me.”
“Why not?” She’s not scared of confrontation anymore.
“Because I’m not doing it for you.”
“You’ve made that clear.” She doesn’t pull away. “Over and over, but I can still be grateful to anyone who watches my kid.”
“Who’s next?”
Her eyes swim with confusion. “What do you mean?”
My face hovers in front of hers, my hands still holding her against the wall. “Well, Sawyer said you two aren’t fucking anymore. So he’s out. I’m still watching your kid, but I’m not giving up the D, so who’s next?”
“You are such a prick.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ve heard that. I’m just curious, so I can prepare.”
“Fucking me isn’t a prerequisite to watching Baz or vice versa, and you damn well know I don’t trust him with just anyone.”
I do, but the light I see in her eyes right now—the fucking fire threatening to set me ablaze—it makes me feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time. I love seeing the fighting side of her after watching her be the quiet little lamb for so long. So I push more. “You sure about that? Sawyer and kids don’t mix.”
“Sawyer and Baz do, and we aren’t sleeping together anymore, but he’s still welcome to hang out with Baz because he cares about him. And the feeling is mutual.” Her arms don’t struggle to get free, but she does lean her face into mine, her voice raspy and I know she’s turned-on by her anger. “And if it were required to fuck me before watching Baz, there would be some pretty awkward family dinners. Although, Lola is pretty hot.”
Her newfound grit surprises me and infuriates me at the same time. I hate how kissable her lips look, parted and begging me to take her up on it.
“Don’t ever thank me for doing what a good uncle does. I’m not like any of the fuckers you dated or will date. I don’t do it to get into your pants and never have.”
Her lips press together angrily. “Is this about Sawyer, because I'm—”
I release her and take a step back. “Don’t. I don’t ever want to talk about that night.”
She looks hurt and defeated as she drops her arms to her sides and looks down at the floor, “I was—”
“Don’t.” I cut her off again, not wanting to hear it.
She takes a step toward me. “Asher, will you please just let me explain?”
I laugh cruelly and advance toward her, her small body pressing back up against the wall as I cage her in with mine. “Explain what? That you and Sawyer wanted to try your best to make me jealous with your little peepshow? Newsflash, Viv, I've already seen your tits.” I lean in so my mouth is just next to her ear, my voice a low, heated growl. “I’ve had them in my hands and my mouth. I’ve had my tongue over every single inch of your flesh.” I pull back and look in her eyes, hellbent on pushing her the fuck away from me. “And I got tired of it. Why the fuck would I care about seeing it again?”
She folds her arms over her chest, although fully clothed, it’s clear she feels vulnerable. “I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen.”
I shake my head. “Don’t do that. Own your shit. You did that because you wanted to. You wanted to push me to the edge.”
“No. That’s not what I wanted to do, Asher.” She sounds desperate.
“Of course, you did. You wanted to try your damnedest to hurt me because I didn’t want you any longer.”
She looks hurt and then furious before she shoves my chest, pushing me out of her way. “Don’t flatter yourself, Asher. It wasn’t about you.”
I should let her walk away, but I can’t resist. “Keep telling yourself that, Viv.”
She walks to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her as she does. But I know it isn’t over.
Why do I keep allowing myself to get to this point with her?
“Mooooommm, let’s go!” Baz is jerking on my arm as I desperately try to finish every last drop of my coffee this morning.
We’re back to the school schedule, and although I often woke early over the summer to work with Penelope and Lola, I wasn’t prepared for this morning.