I don’t know whether I actually expected Kailey to show at the concert last night. I was definitely hoping she’d be there, that we’d wake up this morning together. No such luck.
Something has shifted in me, though. Writing that song for her, putting my love for her in words, pushed away some dark shit. Fear has been ruling my life. I fucking hate admitting that. Because I pride myself on not being scared of shit. But that fear cost me Kailey, and that’s a price I’m not willing to pay any longer.
For all my overprotective tendencies, in the end, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t control what happened. The only thing I can control is me—how I feel, act, and react.
The familiar buzz of the security gate lets me know someone has come on the property. One guess? Maggie.
It’s early, even for her. Putting on the concert last night with such short notice was a lot of work on her. I’m surprised she’s here at this hour. It’s good she’s here, though. I need to say goodbye.
Maggie’s seen me through a lot of shit. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She comes off like a real ball-buster, but underneath, she’s loyal to a fault. I guess we both hide a lot from the world. Maybe that’s why our relationship has worked all these years.
The front door opens, and I hear, “Ryder?”
But it’s not Maggie’s voice.
My heart skips a beat. I’m used to people screaming my name, but it’s her sweet, quiet voice calling out to me that throws me off my game, every damn time. It’s been so long since I’ve heard that voice.
I turn and find she’s standing in front of me.
Kailey.
Everything I ever wanted is right here. Old habits come rushing back, the fear tightening my throat, making my legs heavy. I can’t speak or move. I know my old ghosts are there, waiting to fill my head with negative shit. They will probably always be lurking around, but that doesn’t mean I have to give them my attention. My attention belongs on the woman before me.
My eyes land on hers. I haven’t seen her in so long. Her cast is off. Her cuts and bruises are healed. She’s wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair cascading down her shoulders. She looks so fucking beautiful.
“You’re here,” I manage to say.
“Maggie told me about Julia,” she says, her voice a bit shaky.
Interfering should be Maggie’s middle name.
I close my eyes, my heart sinking a little. “That’s why you’re here?”
“No, I . . .” she starts, taking one step back toward the door.
“I wish I would’ve told you,” I say softly. “I should have.”
Her blue eyes lift to mine. “Explains a lot,” she says, a tiny smile playing on her lips, almost like she’s trying not to laugh at me.
“Maggie’s been busy. She told me you got a job and were moving.”
“I was,” she says. “I was ten hours into my drive when this new song came on the radio.”
She heard it.
“I tried to turn it,” she says. “But every station seemed to be playing it.”
“I was hoping you’d hear it,” I say, taking a single step toward her.
“Somehow, my car just turned around, and I ended up here,” she says, looking around at all the boxes. “Moving?”
“Coming to find you,” I say.
Her bottom lip starts to quiver, and a few tears roll down her cheeks. “Beat you to it,” she says.
I rush towards her and pull her into my arms, hugging her like I’ll never let go.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I said terrible things to you at the hospital.”
“You were hurting,” I say, stroking her hair, breathing her in.
“So were you,” she says, looking up at me through wet lashes. “We should’ve hurt together.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice giving way. “So sorry. You would’ve never been in that car if . . .”
“Shh,” she says, her hands reaching up and running through my hair. “None of that.”
Pulling her close, my lips softly land on hers, her lips parting. Her tongue slowly strokes mine. Her kiss tells me what I need to know. She forgives me. Everything will be okay. We will always miss our baby. Nothing can take that away.
But having each other makes it bearable.
Leaning my forehead on hers, I whisper, “I loved our baby.”
“I know you did,” she cries softly.
“But I loved you first,” I say, watching her whole face light up.
“You don’t use that word.”
Grinning, I take her cheeks in my hand. “I should have said it so long ago, but something always seemed to get in the way. I was stupid for letting that happen. It’s just, saying ‘I love you’ isn’t enough. It doesn’t describe how I feel.” My hand goes through my hair, searching. “I love you, I want you, I need you.”
“I love you, too,” she says, smiling and laughing through tears.
I hear salvation in her laugh, and see my happily ever after in her smile. “Forever.”
EPILOGUE
TWO YEARS LATER
Ryder
“My wife, the professor,” I say, smacking her ass.
Yep, we got married. When you’ve got a hot woman, you just have to lock it down. Our two-year wedding anniversary is coming up soon.
I told her from the start that she’d be Kailey Merrick, although she’s not using my last name professionally. Don’t even get me started on that. It still pisses me off some, but her rationale is solid, so I backed off. She doesn’t want people signing up for her communications class simply because of who her husband is.
As requested, her ring isn’t the traditional diamond. Instead, it’s a red Garnet surrounded by a halo of diamonds. Garnet would have been our firstborn’s birthstone. It’s a small way for her to always carry our baby with her.
She glances at herself in the mirror, running her hands along the fabric of her pencil skirt. Damn, none of my teachers ever looked like her. Maggie certainly didn’t back in high school. Maggie stayed out in California when Kailey and I moved to Tennessee for her new job. I am enjoying retirement. The call of the open road no longer appeals to me. I’d rather be home.
Home is Kailey.
Lucky for me, her teaching position was at a college close to Nashville, so I still dabble in songwriting. I get to make music and be with my wife. It’s the best of both worlds. I want Kailey to have whatever she wants. She wants to work, have her own identity apart from me, that’s all fine. I’m happy to lay low and let her shine. I was on stage long enough. In fact, I always needed the spotlight to make me shine.
Hers comes naturally.
She’s been teaching about a year and a half now. The fall semester just started. Her students love her. The department head is trying to convince her to go for her PhD in order to get on a tenure track. Her parents would love for her to follow in their footsteps.
Clara’s eased up. She won’t be asking me to call her “mom” anytime soon, but she sees I’m making her daughter happy, so she’s backed off. I know Kailey misses her family, so we visit quite a bit. We’ve even had both sides of our family get together. Kailey’s family never gave two cents what I did for a living, but put them in a room with my brother, and they were starstruck!