His fingers stilled as the guilt moved into his eyes.
“Don’t rewrite history, Dax. I did try, and it was difficult. Stop making this seem like it’s entirely my fault. The reason we’re here is because you lied, so let’s not forget that.”
He dropped his hand from my hair and returned it to the couch. “Alright. But we need to stop living in the past. We have a completely different relationship now. I want a clean slate, a real chance. Can you do that or not?”
I didn’t want to run away from this man anymore, not when my heart was in his palm. I gave a nod.
“Okay.” His hand moved back into my hair. “When we were apart, I was with other women…just so you know.”
I’d already assumed that was the case, but it didn’t soften the blow. It hurt, made me sick, picturing him fucking someone the way he used to fuck me. I wasn’t the jealous type, but I was immediately uncomfortable with the idea of the supermodels who’d replaced me.
He stared at me, as if he expected me to reciprocate.
“I…I wasn’t with anyone.”
He stilled at my response, as if he’d expected me to say there had been dozens of men in my bed the moment he was gone. He seemed genuinely surprised, like my celibacy hadn’t been an option.
I was almost embarrassed that I hadn’t moved on like I usually would, because it was a dead giveaway to how I really felt, that I was heartbroken the entire time we were apart, that I only numbed my heart but never turned it off. When I was out at restaurants and bars, the offers poured in. I flirted with a handsome guy in a suit who I met at the coffee shop, but when he gave me his number, I threw it away. There was only one man I wanted to be with, even though I wouldn’t admit it to myself.
He continued to stare at me, like he had no idea what to say. “I only did it because I thought I couldn’t get you back…and I thought it would help me move on. But it only made me feel worse, because every time I was with you, I knew it was what I really wanted. Clint rented out this strip club, and money was flying in the air, naked women were crawling all over us and the floor, and he turned to me and said we had the best lives… And it hit me so hard. That was the kind of man I used to be, an obnoxious playboy who has so much money that he throws it at strippers on a drunken night. But all I really wanted was to have a quiet night with you. I wanted to watch the game with your friends. I wanted to have a deep and meaningful relationship with one woman…and get out of that strip club as quickly as possible. Knowing I’d ruined it, that I’d let the past sabotage the greatest thing that ever happened to me, just made me drink more.” He looked away, like the memory of that emptiness was too much to think about.
“It’s okay…”
He turned back to me, the pain still in his eyes.
My hand moved to his chest, sliding over the hard surface until I could feel the racing beat of his heart.
He stared at me for a while before his fingers slid into my hair again. Then he pulled me closer, bringing my face to his so he could rest his forehead against mine. He didn’t kiss me, just held me there, like all he wanted was our closeness. His fingers stroked under the fall of my hair, feeling my neck.
My palm glided farther over his chest and to his shoulder until my arm hooked around his neck. I came closer to him then rested my head on his shoulder, my skirt riding up as I curled my legs behind me on the couch.
His arm wrapped tighter around me, and he rested his lips against my forehead, holding me close like he wouldn’t let me go. His skin was hot to my cheek, and he smelled like pure man. It was like getting in bed after a long day, despite his hardness. It was home, going back to your childhood house for the holidays. “You’re the only man I want…”
Fourteen
Dax
I didn’t care how slow she wanted to go.
I didn’t care if she was the one behind the wheel or I was in the cockpit.
I just wanted to be on the journey—wherever we went.
Once I had her on the couch, everything felt good. My heart finally relaxed now that she was mine. I didn’t have to settle for being her friend when I wanted to be the man in her bed every night. I wanted her to be the woman in mine. The last six weeks had been unbearable because being her friend only made me realize what I’d truly lost.
I didn’t have that problem anymore.
Our relationship had been built on sex, meaningless, no-strings-attached kind of sex. It was fun at the time until I actually started to care for her. The dirty pictures she sent me were still on my phone, but I decided to delete them because it felt like a completely different woman to me now.
I wanted more than that.
She was welcome to send me more and I would cherish them, but the past…I wanted nothing to do with that.
We were different people now.
I wasn’t sure if we would sleep together anytime soon, but I got tested to make sure I was clean when the moment did arrive. Since she hadn’t been with anyone, I didn’t need to see her papers if she had them.
I went to work like usual then went home. Instead of blowing up her phone, I tried to behave the way I had before…when we were friends. She asked to take it slow, and I wasn’t entirely sure what that entailed, so I chose to play it safe.
When Wednesday night came around, I headed to the gym with the assumption she would show up with Charlie and Matt. I practiced a few shots on the court with the guys, one eye on the doorway, and when she walked in, I passed the ball and walked to the benches to meet her.
She was in her little shorts and top, a sexy, fit chick. When she wasn’t in her sky-high heels, she was so small and petite, and she seemed to be more ferocious to make up for it. She set down her water bottle along with a towel then turned to me.
I looked into her face, feeling a rush of joy because this felt right. Those two strippers in my bed on the night of my birthday…did not feel right.
Then she smiled at me, the kind of smile that lit her eyes with radiant light.
I lived for that smile.
“You’re going to take off your shirt for this game, right?”
Now, I smiled. “Gonna check me out, sweetheart?”
“It’s literally the only reason I come every week.” She moved into me, and like she’d done it a hundred times, rested one palm against my chest and rose on her tiptoes to give me a kiss.
I kept my hands on my hips and didn’t grab her the way I wanted. I kept everything contained, restrained myself from kissing her the way I’d demolished her lips in that bar, the way I’d shown her ex what he was missing, not for Carson’s sake, but because of my own possessiveness.
She pulled away then walked onto the court.
I gave her ass a playful smack.
She turned around and walked backward, waggling her eyebrows jokingly before she faced forward again and approached the guys. “Who’s ready to kick some ass?”
I watched her go, seeing that fine piece of ass shake.
Charlie came to my side. “I’m happy for you, man.”
I turned to him and shook his hand. “Thanks.”
“And she’s happy too.” He nodded in her direction, her hands on her hips.
“That’s what I want to hear.”