The humiliation she’d staved off hit her with the force of a battering ram, and the backs of her eyes burned. It truly hadn’t been about her. She’d just been the nearest available woman to serve as an outlet for his pain. Had he been imagining his ex as their tongues tangled and they ran their hands under each other’s clothing? The thought made her stomach rebel and she spun away and retched. Luckily, nothing came out.
He was at her side in an instant, his hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”
She shook him off, angry at herself for showing any weakness. “Fine.”
“Are you sure? I can—”
She batted him away. “I said I’m fine!”
“Okay.” He clearly didn’t believe her, but he stepped back. “Once again, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight that day, and I acted like an asshole.”
She shook her head slowly from one side to the other. He still didn’t get it. At least, not all of it. He may have had the decency to apologize—not that doing so made anything better—but he didn’t understand why she was so upset.
“Jack, do you know how many times we met before that party?”
The confused crinkle of his brow was answer enough. She wrapped her arms around her waist to hold herself together.
“Three times,” she told him. “We’d been introduced to each other three times before that day. When we were at that party and you kept calling me Khaleesi, I thought you were just being cute. That you knew who I was. It wasn’t until the day you came to Sanctuary that I realized you were clueless.” She unwrapped her arms, clasped her hands together and studied them. “You didn’t even remember my name.”
I’m a grade A asshole.
Jack watched Brooke’s lower lip quiver as it sank in, for the first time, exactly how much of a jerk he’d been. Prior to this, he hadn’t been proud of his behavior at the New Year’s Eve party, but he’d suppressed any twinges of remorse by reminding himself that his Khaleesi had been a tourist out for a good time, and he’d certainly given her that. Although not as much as he’d have liked to, because they were interrupted before they could get to the good stuff.
That said, he had tried to hunt her down to pick up where they’d left off, but she’d been long gone. It was probably just as well. With how fucked up he’d been after seeing Claudia, he probably wouldn’t have hesitated to take her to bed, which made him an even bigger bastard. What kind of guy used an innocent woman to work off his anger?
Jesus, he’d messed up, and this sweet, beautiful—fuming—woman had paid the price. And what a woman. He felt like he’d never seen her properly, and now she was coalescing in front of him. Brooke—Khaleesi—one and the same, merging together in his mind. The passionate, mischievous woman from the party overlaid the sweet, determined Brooke he was coming to know. But despite all the time they’d spent together, had he ever really seen her? Or had he seen what he expected to see? Because his Khaleesi had fire, and he’d been too damned blind to recognize that same quality in Brooke.
“I’m really goddamned sorry.” It wasn’t enough, but he couldn’t think what else to say.
“Oh, you’re sorry?” Her eyes flashed and her lips twisted. “I guess that’s all right then. You can do or say whatever you like, as long as you’re sorry. That’s how it works, right?”
There she was. His Khaleesi, in all her righteous fury. How had he ever overlooked her? Crossing his arms, he stood solid. He could take whatever she needed to throw at him.
“I’ve been a shitty person to you,” he said. “I wish I could take it back, but what’s done is done.” He recalled that first session at Sanctuary. The way he’d asked her name like the world’s biggest dickhead. She must have been seething. “Why didn’t you say anything the day we went to the cave?”
She huffed. “I love how you keep putting the responsibility for this fuck-up on me.”
He winced, both at the sound of the curse word out of her mouth, and the accusation. That certainly wasn’t what he’d meant to do. At least, not this time.
“Sorry. That came out wrong. I just meant, you must have been furious, but you didn’t say a word. Other people would have ripped my throat out for less.”
She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Some of the tension in her spine dissipated. “Yelling might have made me feel better in the short term, but it would have been embarrassing and I’d have burned my bridges in terms of learning from you.” She shifted from one foot to the other. “Getting to Everest Base Camp means more to me than the temporary satisfaction I would have gotten from acting like a spoiled child. It’s a promise I’m fulfilling to an old friend, one who isn’t around to do it for herself. On top of that, I’m proving something to every person who doesn’t think they can live their dreams. So I sucked up my pride. It was a small price to pay, in the scheme of things.”
Whoa.
She was bringing him to his knees. Her mission was in honor of a friend who’d passed? How did he not know that? And how had he gotten her so horribly wrong? He squeezed his eyes shut and swore. He had a lot of ground to make up. He’d categorized Brooke in a way that suited him, and it hadn’t been fair. A woman who could put aside her pride and self-righteous anger for the sake of achieving a nearly unattainable goal was one who demanded the utmost respect. Comparing her and Claudia hadn’t been fair. All it had done was reinforce his prejudices.
His throat felt thick, and his arms were heavy at his side. “I think we can agree I’ve been an asshole, but I’d really like to make it up to you. Can I buy you dinner tonight?”
To his surprise, he desperately wanted her to agree. He’d liked spending time with her, and now that he knew she was hiding such passion behind her deceptively serene exterior, he wanted to get to know her better. He could scarcely breathe as she studied his face, indecision flickering over her features.
“Not tonight,” she said finally. “I’m tired, and I have a lot of work to do on my thesis. My next chapter is due to my supervisor soon.”
Disappointment slumped his shoulders. He couldn’t argue with that, not without being more of a jerk. “Maybe some other time?”
She shrugged, but didn’t meet his eyes. “Maybe.” Turning, she started toward the exit. His arm rose to stop her of his own accord, but he cut the movement short before she noticed. In the doorway, she paused. “It’s nothing personal. I’ll see you tomorrow at Sanctuary.” Then she was gone.
Nothing personal, his ass. He’d blown any shot he had with her.
15
Brooke v. World: Monday 18 February
I’ve been visiting the gym for a week now, and everything is going according to plan. More or less. I’ve suffered some minor setbacks, but I really believe I can do this. I’ll keep you updated on my progress.
I’d love to hear what your goals are. Comment below and let me know. We can all provide support for each other, because you know what? You can do this. Our only limitations are the ones we impose on ourselves.