With Warren, she was a better person. For some reason, seeing them gave him hope that one day, he’d be able to open his mind and heart to a new partner the same way she had. Someone who was more compatible with him. Strange how he’d never realized quite how badly he wanted that until now. Seeing them together, it really hit home how alone he’d allowed himself to become because of his fear and bitterness.
He processed this new perspective while his clients watched the dolphins. When the pod moved on, he steered them back to the marina, remaining silent during the trip and allowing them to converse amongst themselves. He kept an eye on Claudia and Warren, who had their heads ducked together over their camera screen, talking in low voices. They worked well together. Kind of like he and Brooke had.
Brooke.
Even thinking of her brought a pang. He shook his head, trying to forget the way her eyes had flashed with anger when last they’d spoken. Then how they’d become shiny with unshed tears.
Don’t think about her.
After what felt like an eternity—too long to spend in introspection—he docked and helped the group off. Claudia was the last to disembark.
“Thank you, that was wonderful,” she said, and then paused, as though weighing her next words carefully. “I read an article online about your new girlfriend.” He must have frowned because she clarified, “The one you’re going to Mount Everest with. It seems like you found someone just as crazy about the outdoors as you. I’m happy for you.” Then she patted his hand and walked away.
Just like that, the cogs slipped into place. Jack’s grip slipped from the boat and the world tilted until he managed to right himself. All this time, he’d been thinking of himself and Brooke as opposites because that’s how it appeared from the outside. But on the inside, where it counted, they were the same. They both wanted the same things. They were both adventurers. Sure, she’d had a tougher run of it than he had, but that didn’t make the core of her personality any different, or lessen her wild spirit. She sure as shit was as stubborn as him.
Forget opposites. He and Brooke were two of a kind. And suddenly, he wanted to see her with a desperate, aching longing. He’d acted like an idiot, yet again. Yeah, she’d been too open with the world about their relationship and revealed things he’d rather people didn’t know, but he’d made a lot of assumptions without much in the way of evidence. He’d judged her harshly without giving her a chance to explain. On top of that, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d deliberately pushed her away because he was afraid of being hurt. He hadn’t been willing to risk his heart, and she’d given him the excuse he needed to bow out.
Had he destroyed her feelings for him? God, he hoped not.
Jack knocked on Brooke’s bedroom door. No one answered. He tried again. “Hey, are you in there?”
Still nothing. He wiggled the handle. Locked.
“She’s not here.”
Spinning on his heel, he spotted Kat at the end of the hall. “She’s not just ignoring me?”
Her mouth tightened into a line. “Nope. But fair warning, while I’m trying to stay neutral, I’ll have to choose a side if you start harassing her. Why are you here, Jack?”
He paused. Why was he here? He hadn’t really thought it through. He’d just finished his cruise and driven straight over, compelled to see her. “I want to talk.”
“Talk, as in a two-sided conversation where you each speak and listen? As opposed to you telling her what she did wrong and refusing to let her defend herself?”
Ouch. Guess he needn’t wonder whether Kat knew how everything had gone down.
“Yeah, that’s right.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Do you know when she’ll be back?”
She took pity on him. “Not until tomorrow. She’s visiting her parents in Tauranga.”
“Oh.” That took the wind out of his sails. “Guess I’ll be back tomorrow then.”
He drove home, and the blue of the sky seemed a bit dimmer. He helped himself to a can of beer, then sprawled on one of the deck chairs outside, soaking up the sun and pondering his relationship with Brooke. Halfway into the beer, he remembered the question she’d asked when he confronted her.
Did you read all of it?
The truth was, he hadn’t. Even if he’d wanted to, he wouldn’t have had time. Getting to his feet, he strode to his office and switched on his laptop. He drained the beer while the computer awakened, then entered her blog’s URL and waited. The first items to appear were two photographs side by side. One was of a teenage girl in a hospital bed, tubes sticking out of her body, her eyes sunken and limbs spindly. His breath caught in his chest. He hardly recognized her as the woman he knew. The adjacent photo showed his Brooke, covered in mud and grinning, her arms around Kat and Bex. He swallowed, and a lump burned its way down his throat. Tearing his gaze from the photographs, he selected the oldest post, dated seven years ago, and began to read.
Three hours later, he’d caught up on everything prior to the New Year’s Eve party, and his insides were wrung out. He was emotionally wrecked. Brooke had told him she’d always been ill, but he’d never realized the extent to which it had affected her. Reading her blog was like poring through her private diary. She shared every setback, every doubt, and he understood now why her readers had turned up to support her at the mud run. She’d come so far, and she was an inspiration to them all.
With trepidation, he read her first post after the fateful New Year’s Eve party. She’d been positively giddy. Raving about how much she admired him, and how wonderful their kisses had been. Flash forward a few days, and she’d been confused. A little hurt. Another week and hurt had escalated to anger. He swallowed. His eyes wanted to shut so he didn’t have to read about how he’d upset her, when that was the last thing he’d ever intended. Shame clawed at his gut. He’d been a massive prick, even if it had been unintentional. No wonder she’d lashed out online.
When he reached the post he’d already read, he scanned over them again, making sure he didn’t miss anything. Then he carried on, coming to a post the following day.
Thanks to everyone for the comments and suggestions. I’m a bit embarrassed about venting to you all. I appreciate your thoughts and well wishes, and I’m going to do my best to take the high road. I’ll try to forget what happened and focus on the important thing. I need Jack to help me get in shape and tackle some big challenges on the horizon. I’m excited for them, and I’m sure you will be too when you hear what I’ve got planned.
And that was the last time she mentioned him in a negative context. He continued reading until after the mud run, and she only ever extolled his virtues or referred to him in the context of training. There had been no grand scheme to humiliate him or crush him, heart and soul. He’d been completely and utterly wrong.
Slashing a hand through his hair, he swore. He’d made baseless accusations. Not once had she said anything about breaking up with him, or manipulating him for the sake of revenge. She’d wanted to make use of his skills to help her in her mission, but he’d known that from the beginning. And yeah, he’d rather his private life stayed private, but she hadn’t lied or tried to get back at him. What’s more, it seemed she actually cared for him.