“I’m not the cry on your shoulder type.”
“Is that natural inclination or did something else happen to you that night?”
Rowan frowned. “What do you mean?”
Should he just come right out and say it? No, even he wasn’t that blunt. “Did they do more than beat you?”
Realization slid over her face. “They didn’t sexually assault me, no. I expect they would have, if they’d had me long enough, but I was spared that, at least.”
Nash loosed a breath of his own and sat on the bed, feeling some of the tension bleed out. “Good. So why the distance? Because it’s taking everything I have not to just haul you into my lap to comfort you.”
“I’m not good with weakness.”
“Everybody’s got weaknesses.”
“Yeah, but I’m a woman in what most people still see as a man’s job. Any hint of softness or vulnerability is something I can get crucified for.”
“You’re not at work, Rowan. And I’m sure as shit not judging you for having a very human response to a beyond shitty situation. I’ve been to war. I’ve seen friends and enemies killed in battle. That shit sticks with you. The only way you really survive it is to let somebody else in. I’m not saying it has to be me—I realize we don’t know each other that well yet—but it needs to be somebody. Because it’ll eat you alive.”
She watched him with those sad blue eyes for a long moment, then slowly stretched out a hand across the bed. Nash took it without hesitation. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was a step, and maybe for tonight, that was enough.
Chapter 5
“I don’t know why you thought you had to go getting my truck detailed.”
Rowan opened the back passenger door to Nash’s truck. “It’s called a nice gesture, old man. Besides, you can’t drive it yourself for a while, so what are you grumping about?” She hoped the usual ribbing would distract him from asking any more questions. She’d been inordinately nervous all day, expecting to be busted like a teenager who’d snuck out after curfew. Not even Nash’s usually calming influence did much to unravel the knots in her belly. Subterfuge wasn’t something she’d ever been comfortable with.
He harrumphed and ignored the hand she offered to help him out. Sliding out of the seat, his cheeks went white and his jaw tensed. Rowan automatically reached to steady him, but the furious glare he shot in her direction stayed her hand. Still, she hovered as he made his way toward the steps. There were only three, but the doctor had warned them that steps might be difficult for a while.
Rowan exchanged a Look with Nash as Robert hesitated at the base. If either of them tried to help him, they’d get snapped at. Nash edged closer, obviously ready to jump in if needed. But Robert made it. He had to rest for a full minute between steps, but he made it. So they said nothing, only trailed him up the stairs.
Rowan unlocked the house, bracing herself for an explosion over the changes she’d made while he’d been hospitalized. “I got you a present.” She fisted her hand to keep from trying to take his arm as he stepped over the threshold, into the living room.
Robert stopped and huffed again. “An old man chair. Some present.”
“Man, if you don’t want it, I do,” Nash put in. “That right there is the Cadillac of recliners. Perfect for a Saturday afternoon watching football—one of the games for your second string team that you don’t mind falling asleep during.”
“Why don’t you at least give it a try?” Rowan suggested, shooting for a conciliatory tone.
Robert shot her a dark look. “I sit in that thing, I’m not likely to be able to get back out.”
“You’ll just have to be careful, is all. The doctor recommended a recliner.”
Instead of sitting, he went into the kitchen.
Nash dropped his voice. “If you can keep him distracted, I can get the cameras in place. I finished all the setup while you were dealing with discharge.”
“Go,” she whispered.
In the kitchen, Robert stood in front of the open refrigerator. “What the hell is this?”
Rowan peered past him. “Low fat yogurt. Fresh vegetables. And the salmon filet I was planning on cooking for dinner tonight.”
“I’m out of the hospital. I expected to get real food.”
“This is real food, Unk.”
“Rabbit food, maybe.” Disgusted, he shut the door. Rowan thought he might head down the hall to his room, but he pulled out a chair and sat at the kitchen table.
She didn’t like how heavy he was breathing.
“Quit looking at me like I’m gonna keel over. I’m fine,” he snapped.
And suddenly it was too much. All the stress and worry about him boiled over. “You’re not fine,” Rowan barked. “You just had bypass surgery, and I’m allowed to be freaked the hell out about that. I thought I’d lost you. Do you have any idea what that would do to me? You are the only member of this family who truly gets me, and I love you. So for better or worse, you are going to have to get the hell over this shit attitude because I’m here to make sure you follow the doctor’s orders to the letter this time so that you don’t keel over again. Got it?”
Robert narrowed his eyes. “I’m a shit patient.”
“We have established this. Here, have some water.” She grabbed a bottle from the fridge and twisted off the cap. “I don’t care that you’re a shit patient. I care that you get better. And I’m staying until I know you are, so get used to it.”
He took a long pull on the water, blue eyes sharp on her. “How can you stick around taking care of me, anyway?”
“I have the leave time. I’m taking it. You’re important.” It was the absolute truth, even if it wasn’t the whole truth.
He saw through her bravado. “How have you been doing at work since Reyes?”
Rowan didn’t want to lie to him. “My captain and the department shrink thought I could use some time to decompress, away from things.” She jerked her shoulders and opened the fridge to see what she could throw together for their lunch. “I admit they were right, to some extent. Being here in Wishful has been good.” Despite the vandalism of his truck. But she wasn’t going to mention that. “I never imagined I’d be one for calm and quiet, but it’s growing on me.”
“You could always stay.”
Considering his attitude today, the remark surprised her. “You’ve been wanting to get rid of me since I walked through the hospital doors this morning.”
“I don’t want a keeper. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy having you around more often. With all the changes in the department here since my first heart attack, there’s a hole in the ranks they haven’t gotten around to filling yet.”
Nash had mentioned the same, and it was tempting. Just start over in a new town, with new people. Away from all the stress and the reminders of her partner. But that felt too much like running away from the problem. Her department had serious problems, problems that she was starting to believe had resulted in David’s death. Someone had to put a stop to it. She’d never be able to forgive herself if she didn’t follow through.