He got more agitated as he ranted on, “And in the end? You go and protect outsiders, haha! The Wen Sect’s people, even. How much of their rice did you eat?! Defecting with such resolution! What did you take our sect to be?! You did all the best things, yet every time you do the worst ones, it’s involuntary! Forced! With some unspeakable grievances! Grievances?! You told me nothing, you played me for a fool!!!
“Just how much do you owe the Jiang Sect? Am I not supposed to hate you? Can I not hate you?! Why is it that now it’s like I’m supposed to have wronged you?! Why do I have to feel like I’m a fucking clown all these years?! What am I? Do I deserve to be blinded by all your dazzling splendor?! Am I not supposed to hate you?!”
Lan WangJi shot up. With panic, Jin Ling stood in front of Jiang Cheng, “HanGuang-Jun! My uncle’s hurt…”
Jiang Cheng slapped him onto the ground, “Let him come! Am I scared of him?!”
But after the slap, Jin Ling froze. Not only him, Wei WuXian, Lan WangJi, and Lan XiChen all stopped moving.
Jiang Cheng was crying. Tears poured from his eyes as he forced through his teeth, “… Why… Why didn’t you tell me?!”
Jiang Cheng clenched his fist, like he wanted to hit someone, like he wanted to hit himself. In the end, he still slammed it onto the ground. He should’ve been able to loathe Wei WuXian without a care. But right now, the golden core revolving within him took away all that confidence.
Wei WuXian didn’t know what to say.
In the beginning, it was precisely because he didn’t want to see such a Jiang Cheng that he decided not to tell him.
He remembered every single thing he promised Jiang FengMian and Madam Yu—to help and take care of Jiang Cheng. If someone as unhealthily competitive as him found out about this, he’d be dispirited his whole life, too tortured to face himself. There’d always be something he could never overcome, reminding him that he could only reach where he was because of another’s sacrifice. It wasn’t at all his cultivation and his achievement. No matter if he won or lost, he’d long since lost the right to compete.
Afterwards, it was because Jin ZiXuan and Jiang YanLi died for him that he had no face to let others know. To tell Jiang Cheng after what happened then would be like shirking responsibility, hurrying to demonstrate that he’d contributed as well. It’d be like telling Jiang Cheng, don’t hate me, look I’ve contributed to the YunmengJiang Sect too.
Jiang Cheng cried soundlessly, but tears had already streaked across his face. To cry in such an unsightly way in front of others was almost impossible for him in the past. But every single moment that passed from now on, as long as the golden core remained in his body, as long as it could still revolve, he’d forever remember this feeling.
He choked, “… You said I’d be the sect leader and you’d be my subordinate, you said you’d help me your whole life, you said you’d never betray the YunmengJiang Sect… You said so yourself.”
“…” After a moment of silence, Wei WuXian replied, “I’m sorry. I broke my promise.”
Jiang Cheng shook his head, burying his face deep into his palms. A second later, he suddenly burst out with a laugh. His muffled voice mocked, “It’s such a time already, and I still need you to say sorry to me. What a fragile person I am.”
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Chapter 103: Hatred (Part Six)
Translated by K of Exiled Rebels Scanlations
Sect Leader Jiang’s words were eternally tainted with mockery. But this time, whom he mocked was no one but himself.
Suddenly, he said, “I’m sorry.”
Wei WuXian hesitated, “… You don’t need to say sorry.”
At this point, it was impossible to figure out who should apologize to whom.
Wei WuXian continued, “Take it as my repayment to the Jiang Sect.”
Jiang Cheng looked up. He looked at him with teary, bloodshot eyes, and a
hoarse voice, “… Repayment to my father, my mother, my sister?”
Wei WuXian pressed his temples, “Forget it. It’s all in the past now. Let’s not mention it again.”
It wasn’t something he liked to reminisce about. He didn’t want to be reminded again and again of what it felt like when his core was cut out or what price he had to pay. If this were exposed in the past, he’d most likely laugh and comfort Jiang Cheng, ‘It’s not that big of a deal anyways. Look at me all these years. Without the core, I still managed to come through, didn’t I? Beating everyone I wanted to beat, killing everyone I wanted to kill.’ But now, he indeed didn’t have the strength left to put up such a confident, nonchalant pretense.
From the bottom of his heart, he knew he wasn’t so indifferent about it after all.
Was it really that easy to move on from such a thing?
Of course not.
In truth, when Wei WuXian was seventeen or eighteen, his pride wasn’t much lower than Jiang Cheng’s. He once had strong spiritual powers, more talented than others. No matter how much he fooled around, staying up all night pulling pranks on others, he was still far ahead of his classmates who worked so hard.
But every time he tossed and turned as he lay awake at night, knowing he’d never reach the stars using proper means, knowing he’d never wield his sword with the excellence that was supposed to bring astonishment to so many eyes, he wondered if Jiang FengMiang hadn’t take him back to Lotus Pier, perhaps he wouldn’t cross paths with cultivation his whole life. Then he would have never known that such a magnificent path existed in this world. He’d only be a head beggar who roamed the streets, fleeing at first sight of a dog, or maybe looking after cows and stealing other people’s crops in the countryside, playing his flute to pass his time. He wouldn’t have known to cultivate, and he definitely wouldn’t have had the chance to form a core. With such thoughts, he’d felt much better.
Take it as repayment, or take it as redemption. Take it as he’d never received the golden core to begin with.
After explaining things to himself like this again and again, it was as though he was truly as confident and as nonchalant as he made it seem like on the surface, and along the way he could even praise himself for such a state of mind, whether he was lying or not.
But that was in his past life.
Wei WuXian, “Uh, I think it’s best if you… also stop keeping it on your mind. I know you’ll definitely always keep it on your mind, but, how should I say it…” He clenched Lan WangJi’s hand, saying to Jiang Cheng, “Right now, I do really think… it’s all in the past. It’s been too long. There’s no need to struggle with it any longer.”
Jiang Cheng wiped his face roughly, drying his tears. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.
At this point, still enveloped in Lan XiChen’s robe, Nie HuaiSang gradually woke up. Moaning lightly, he managed to crawl up, still bleary-eyed, “Where am I?”
Yet, the instant he got up, he saw Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi sitting together so tightly on the same sitting mat. The YiLing Patriarch was basically sitting on HanGuang-Jun’s lap. He immediately let out a wail, as if he was about to faint again. At the same time, a series of strange sounds came from behind the Guanyin Temple, as though something was being spurt out. A moment later, the cultivators who’d been digging began to wail too.