She moves to bury her tears into my chest, her hands clutching at my cut. “Tomi, I didn’t know I could love someone like I love you. I’m not sad about my life anymore. I'm not happy about that shit and there's a lot of shit I'd go back and change but I'm not sad about it anymore either. I had to get through it to get to you so… I can live with that.”
I hold her tight enough that her demons can’t come to play until she’s ready to move.
It’s the least I can do.
Chapter Thirty Five
Angel
When we finally get into Tomi’s room at the clubhouse I feel fucking fried.
I’m not sure why we’re here instead of my house but when I ask he shrugs at me, “I had to move the bed for the carpets and I just wanna pass out. Plus, there’s food already here and I just want you to fucking relax for a bit.”
Seems reasonable enough, I can’t argue with that.
The room is much cleaner than it usually is, no dirty clothes anywhere and all of the computer stuff is piled neatly on his desk. When he notices me looking he grins at me.
“I’ve gotta start packing. Keely came and saw the mess it was in and chewed me out.”
Oh.
Right, he’s moving in with me because we’re a couple and he loves me. Jesus, it still sounds so fucking strange to me. I sit down on his bed and fall back on the pillows. The nap at The Boulevard barely took the edge off of my exhaustion.
“Angel, I need you to tell me about why you ran away. I wanna hear it from you.”
Oh God.
My eyes immediately well up and I almost choke on my tears because it’s been a long time since I tried to tell someone, and that had gone so fucking badly I swore never to speak of it again.
His eyes are piercing and true on mine as he sits on the bed with me, clearly there’s no getting out of this. “My dad died. He had cancer, he was a cop for fifteen years back in Maryland. The good type too, everyone respected him and he did what he could for people.”
Tomi nods and pours me a drink. This time, I don’t choke on the taste as I down it in one go, handing it back to him for a refill. I need the courage. “Paul was his partner. His best friend, my so-called uncle, and when my dad got the terminal diagnosis he asked Paul to take care of me and my mom.”
My fingers fuss with the the edge the the blanket on the bed, my mind a fucking mess as I try to distract myself from not only the horror of my words but the very real chance that he’ll leave me the second I’ve poured the story out.
“He stayed at the house and I loved him being there. He always called me princess and would do my hair for me with ribbons before school. My mom was a shell of herself after my dad and she wouldn’t get out of the bed. Eventually, Paul stopped going home and just moved his stuff into the house. My mom started doing better and they fell in love. Got married, the whole deal. I was happy about it. I missed my dad like nothing else but at least I had Paul right?”
Tomi’s face hasn’t changed once and that gives me just a little courage. Like maybe if this is just ancient history, a sad story he wants to know, then maybe we can just fucking forget about it. I mean, I’m not stupid. I know it’s going to change things but if I think about it too much I’ll fucking run.
“So after the wedding, Paul sends my mom on a nice holiday with her friends. He tells her that he’ll take care of me so she can just let her hair down. After the year she’s had she deserves some time to herself. She’s so fucking grateful to him, doesn’t think twice about it.”
I can’t say the words, I can’t describe any of it, but I’m well-versed on talking about it without mentioning the details. “Two years later, I got what I thought was my period and passed out at school. Woke up in hospital with police officers and a social worker. Turns out I was pregnant without even knowing about it and the bleeding was a miscarriage. There’s a lot of questions when that shit goes down with an eleven-year-old. I tell them everything, every little fucking detail of it, and you know what they did?”
Tomi shakes his head and I take one last mouthful of the whiskey and push the glass away from myself. Anymore and I’ll spend the rest of the night puking my guts up.
“Nothing. They did fucking nothing about it. Paul told them I was a willful, disobedient whore of a child. Acting out about my dead daddy. A disappointment to the family. My mom backed him up.”
I see it.
I see the moment the cracks start to form in Tomi and his entire opinion of me changes. I try not to let him see just as clearly my heart breaking.
I have to finish it now. “He started beating me after that. He didn’t just… yeah, it was a lot worse. So I learned to keep my mouth shut, keep my head down, and the moment I could, I ran.”
Silence falls between us and I can’t be the one to break it this time. I can’t give him anything else, I’ve run dry.
“Who did the fake ID for you? It was fucking good.”
I rub at my neck. “I met a guy at my school. He wanted me but everyone knew I was the baby killing whore… yeah, rumor was I threw myself down a flight of stairs to kill the baby and make sure no one found out about my secret boyfriend. Middle school was a fucking lovely place. Anyway, the guy wanted me but not enough to deal with being the guy with the whore so he would invite me around after hours and try to fuck me. Well, his older brother was a forger and I somehow managed to convince him to give me the ID to get into clubs and then I ran. I’m not sure he even knew how good his fakes were.”
Tomi nods and opens the bottle of whiskey, drinking it straight and as though he needs to forget the whole thing.
“I’ll head home. I mean, it’s probably best if I do,” I mumble and his eyes narrow at me.
“You walk out that door and I’ll be on your ass, dragging you back. You’re here for the night and then in the morning we’ll go home and finish the cladding on the house. We’ll get the bed set back up and go pick out a new oven. We’ll pick the fucking tiles too. You can have a shower and I’ll go get us food. I think it’s pizza night. Pick a movie, I just wanna lie around for a few hours before we sleep so you don’t have your nightmares. Go on, go get clean.”
It makes no sense.
I shower and scrub every inch of myself that I can, struggling with the cast that I’ve had to wrap in plastic. Next time I'll have to ask Tomi for help but he’s being very… careful with me.
I can’t argue with the fact that I need it.
Tomi yells through the door that the pizza is cold but I like it best that way. When I step out of the bathroom, clean and ready for bed, he’s stripped down to his boxers and lounges back on his bed like some sort of cover model, a fucking living god, and I feel so freaking unworthy in my dad’s old sweatshirt and a pair of his boxers that I’ve rolled the waist on until they fit.
He glances up from his phone at me and looks at me like I’m wearing lingerie, his eyes hot as they drag over me. I feel self-conscious but not uncomfortable.
I know exactly what to expect from him.
“Get your ass over here, I’m hungry and I don’t know which type you want.”
I shrug and stumble a little over my own feet as I make my way over to him and I pick up a piece of the pepperoni. He grunts and shoves half a slice in his face at once. “Pick a movie, I’ll text Rue and make sure he’s coming tomorrow to help out.”