"What?"
He stared at me. He looked defeated and tired. Normally I couldn't see the age difference between us. But as he looked at me now, I could see the small crinkles around the corners of his eyes. They probably weren't laugh lines. The thought made my chest feel tight.
"James..." my throat caught. "How could you think that?" The rollercoaster of emotions from the night suddenly seemed to catch up to me and tears started running down my cheeks. The salty water stung as it slid down my left cheek. One of Isabella's rings must have left a small cut on my face.
He just stood there looking stunned.
I quickly wrapped my arms around him. I winced when I pressed the side of my face into his chest. Hug me back. His body seemed to stiffen instead. "James?"
He wrapped his arms around me in response. "I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." He put his chin on the top of my head. "I knew better than to bring you here. I don't know what's wrong with me. Nothing's changed. They'll never change. I'm so sorry, Penny."
"Don't apologize, this is what I wanted. You knew I wanted to meet them, so you made it happen. And now I have. It's done. We don't have to see them ever again."
He sighed. "Except for the wedding in two weeks."
"I uninvited them."
He laughed. "What?"
"Oh." I leaned back to look up at him. "Sorry, I mean, it was just in the heat of the moment. Obviously if you want them there..."
"No." He put his hand on the side of my face, gently rubbing his thumb over the bruise on my cheek. "No, I don't want them there. I'm done with them."
"I'm sorry that I forced all this. I just thought if they met me, maybe I could change their minds, you know? I was just trying to help."
"You can't change my parents' minds. Trust me, I've tried my whole life."
I wanted to ask him about the paper in his book, about his relationship with Rachel, about his whole childhood. I wanted him to fill in all the blanks. But right now all I wanted was for him to take me home. I needed to get out of this house, away from all the memories that seemed to upset him.
"But it was really sweet of you to try."
"Or foolish. What a disaster of an engagement party. Can we go home now?"
He smiled down at me. "Let me show you one thing first." He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the window.
"It wasn't a good night, but I'm not going to fling myself out the window."
He laughed as he pushed the window up. He put his hands on the windowsill and looked back at me. "I used to sneak out of my room all the time. Let's leave this way."
I looked past him toward the lawn. We were really high up. "I'm wearing heels. And I've had too much to drink."
"I dare you."
I smiled. Neither one of us had ever backed down from a dare. "Well, I guess a few more bruises won't hurt me." I took off my shoes and peered out the window. "Did you really just jump?" I tossed my shoes out the window and watched them hit the lawn below. "It seems kind of high."
"Geez, no." He grabbed my arm and started laughing. "Were you seriously going to jump out the window?"
"You said you did it all the time. And you dared me."
"There's a trellis." He stuck his head out the window and pointed to the right. He started laughing again.
"Don't make fun of me for trusting you." I poked him in the middle of the chest.
"I'm lucky you said something before you jumped."
"Mhm." I rolled my eyes at him as I stood up on the ledge. "Who were you running off to see in the middle of the night growing up?"
He held my waist as I grabbed the edge of the trellis. It took every ounce of restraint not to look down. I slowly stepped onto it and was relieved to see it was as sturdy as he remembered it being.
"Not someone. Something," he said. "That's what I want to show you. Don't look at me, watch your footing."
I had slipped slightly when I started my descent, but I quickly regained my footing.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm a jungle gym master, James."
"I don't doubt that at all."
I laughed. I wasn't even sure what he meant by that. A few moments later I heard the creak of the trellis. I didn't look up to see him coming down after me. The last thing I needed was to be distracted by him.
I tried to focus on my hands, but every now and then I looked down at my feet, reminding myself how high I was. When I was finally close enough to the bottom, I jumped. The grass was sleek and I slid as soon as my feet touched the ground, landing hard on my ass. "Shit."
James laughed as he jumped down gracefully beside me. He put his hand out for me, but instead of taking it, I grabbed my shoes, got up by myself, and started running.
"You don't know where we're going!" He called after me.
It was only a matter of seconds before I felt his arms around my waist, lifting me in the air. He twirled me around and then pulled me against his chest.
"You have a huge grass stain on that perfect little ass of yours," he whispered in my ear.
I laughed and put my hand on his chest so I could lean back and see his face. "Why is it that I can't picture you here at all? I mean, I can out here. But this is the first time you've seemed like yourself all night."
"None of this is me. I don't belong here anymore. I'm not sure I ever did."
"Did you spend a lot of time outside when you were younger?"
"I keep trying to show you." He let go of my waist, bent his knees slightly, and tapped his back. "Hop on."
I laughed and jumped onto his back. I never minded running around barefoot, but it was sweet that he didn't want me to have to.
He alternated kissing the crook of my elbow and pointing out things in his mother's garden as we walked farther away from the house. Soon all the lights from the house were barely visible and only the moonlight and stars were guiding us.
"Where are we going?" I whispered.
"You don't have to whisper, we're all alone. There it is," he said, pointing in front of us.
I squinted my eyes. It was hard seeing in the dark. "I don't..." I stopped when I saw it. "Is that a tree house?"
He kissed the crook of my elbow again. "Of all the things here, this was the only thing that was truly mine. Jen and Rob never even came up unless I invited them to." He stopped at the base of the tree trunk and let me slide off his back. "I was barely ever in my room in the house. I used to come here all the time. You have no idea how many times I nagged my parents to let me get a zip line from my window to the tree house."
I laughed. "So why was this your special place?"
"Hmm."
"What? Is this where you used to fantasize about kissing girls and plotting evil little boy pranks?"
He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the back of my neck. "For not having any brothers, you have it spot on."
I laughed. I thought he might say something else, but when he didn't, I looked back up at the tree house. "Am I allowed to come up? Or are no girls allowed?"