As I’m thinking, letting the fear seep in and feeling like I might overflow with loneliness all over again, I hear, “Sugar.” I’m pulled from my thoughts as Jude looks down at me. “You haven’t eaten much, you sure you’re okay?”
“No, there’s just a lot to think about, with Megan and all. Stuff I’m behind on, you know? I’m full, I ate most of the bread. I should be carbed up, I’m sure I’ll have to run two extra miles tomorrow.”
“I’m outta here.” Tony throws some bills on the table for his dinner. “I’ve got an early meeting—I need to hit it.”
“Bye, Tone. Thanks for coming over today,” I say, and Jude gives him a head lift.
“See ya both this weekend,” Tony says and I get stiff, wondering what my weekend will bring with Jude as Tony leaves.
“You ready?” Jude asks as he’s signing his credit card payment I didn’t even know he made.
“Yeah.” Jude gets up and takes my hand pulling me after him as we make our way to his truck.
Back at my house, I let Mia in, turn around and Jude is standing at the island finishing a work call that I can tell is about Trevor. “Sounds good, I’ll see you at the courthouse at nine. We’re meeting the US Attorney and Harper’s hearing is at ten. Gotcha, later.”
Setting his phone down on the island, he turns fully to me and crosses his arms across his chest. “All right, Gabby. What’s goin on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t try and bullshit me. You turned funny at dinner, and I’m not talking about your cute funny.”
Trying to stall, I ask, “You think I’m cute?” I don’t need to ask this, I know he thinks I’m cute. He’s told me plenty of times over the last few weeks.
Now glaring, looking more than a little pissed, he gives me a warning. “Gabrielle.”
I take in a visible breath and let it out. Jude’s dark chocolate eyes are on me but they aren’t very melty at the moment. I haven’t known him long, but I do know that he’s losing his patience. I’ve got to let him off the hook. If he wants to be unleashed, he’ll take it or if I’m lucky he’ll want to stay, but it’s time I give him the option.
“It’s just that the last few weeks have been crazy. Trevor’s behind bars now and isn’t a threat anymore.” I look him in the eyes and keep on. “We haven’t defined what this is with us, so I don’t want you to feel obligated to be here all the time because we’ve become what we’ve become. I know you said you wanted to see how good this could be and I do, too. But you must have a life you want to get back to—friends, schedules. I won’t go psycho on you, you never made me any promises. I’ll understand,” I say, finishing so quietly I can barely hear it myself, but I can hear my heart beating out of my chest.
Finding this moment scarier than anything I’ve experienced in the last few weeks, all I can do is just stand here and watch him stare down at me. Another few beats go by and nothing. I’m not sure if it’s possible for me to lull Jude into a Gabby coma, so I’m not sure what’s happening.
Taking a chance, I call out quietly, “Jude?”
That’s when he moves. Dropping his arms, taking long strides toward me I barely get a foot backwards before he’s in front of me, his left hand grabbing my right one as he bends while giving my arm a tug. He puts a shoulder to my waist and I’m up, flung over his back in no time with his other arm tight around my thighs.
I let out a scream and yell, “Jude! Put me down!” Of course, he doesn’t put me down, but he does start moving to my bedroom. “Put me down, now!” I demand again.
“Shut it, Gabby,” he barks back at me, smacking my ass lightly at the same time, making me gasp. Making the turn to my room, he gives me a little bounce off his shoulder and I end up being tossed on my bed.
“What are you doing?” I yell, trying to find my equilibrium.
“What’s wrong with you?” he says almost through gritted teeth, fists to the bed leaning over me as I prop myself up on my elbows as best I can.
Finding myself pissed as well, I snap back. “Nothing is wrong with me, but I should ask what’s wrong with you!”
“What did you think, Gabby? What’s working in that fucked-up head of yours, huh? Did you think I was going to stay long enough for you to let me fuck you, take what I want, and leave you high and dry? Is that what you think of me?”
Doing my best to hold my own and not move an inch, I whisper, “I don’t know what to think of anything.”
“Well, I’ve lost my patience with this, but I’ll enlighten you again. Yeah, I might’ve been here to make sure you were safe, but I was here because I wanted to be. I’m fucking happy as hell things have gotten where they are between us, but I gotta tell you, I’m getting tired of explaining myself, so I’ll be as straight forward as I can and I’ll ask you to pay attention this time.”
I clamp my mouth shut and bite my lip as he keeps going.
“I’ve got a shit condo with my stuff in it, but even before I moved here, I haven’t had a home in a long fucking time. The last few weeks, I’ve felt settled in a way I can’t remember feeling. You’ve got a sweet house, Gabby, but I could care less about your house. It’s only has to do with you, coming here to you, eating a meal with you, going to bed with you, waking up with you, but really just fucking being with you. Now, I shouldn’t be so presumptuous to think that you are feeling the same way, but just letting you know, you’re giving off those same vibes. I have no desire to pack my shit up and get back to what I had before this, I don’t even want to remember what my life was like the day before I patted your sweet ass down,” he pauses to take in a breath. “So now you know. It’s your turn, Gabrielle. What the fuck do you want?”
I close my eyes and turn my head to the side. My heart is hammering away and I feel the tears threaten again. I hate them and everything they remind me of even though these are tears of relief. They start to seep through my eyes and fall over my cheeks as I open my eyes to look back to Jude. His eyes aren’t piercing anymore, they’re softer, moving over my face. I lift my arms putting one hand to his face and wrapping the other around his neck as I close the space between us and press my lips against his and leave them there.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur against his lips.
He grabs me at the back of my head and lower back, picks me up, and putting a knee to the bed, he turns to sit. I’m straddling him, sitting in his lap. He stuffs my face in his neck and pulls me as close as he can. My breath hitches and he starts to rub my back while putting his hand in my hair and for some reason this makes me cry even harder.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat through my sobs. “I just…I just didn’t know. I’m just sss-sso scared you might want to lll-leave. Damn it. I hh-hate crying.” Shaking my head and lifting up a bit to look at him, I go on. “You’ve been nothing but perfect with me, even when you’re bossy. The last few weeks have been so good—I’m just scared,” I ramble on. Through the still flowing tears, I let it all out. “I’ve been alone for so long, I’m afraid to hang on to anything. I was just trying to let you off the hook with me if you wanted it. It would be hard enough for you to leave now, but if I hold onto you and it gets even better, I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s ripped away. I’m so screwed up. I’m sorry,” I cry shoving my face back into his neck because now I can’t look at him out of embarrassment.