“Gabby?” I barely get her name out, fearful of what she’ll say or why Tony’s here. She gives me her tired blue eyes and that beautiful face which looks worn with worry and stress.
“Jude,” she starts and looks over to Tony then back to me. “I think we should take a little time, figure some things out,” she takes in a big breath before commencing to rock my world in the worst way. “You know, think about things.”
“What?” I bite back but it barely comes out as a whisper.
“Please, I need some time.” Her tired eyes look into mine in a way I never wanted to see.
I glance at Tony, waiting for us to finish whatever this is, his eyes narrowed on me. I drop her suitcase, turn my attention back to Gabby and close the distance between us. I hook her behind the neck and her hands come up to my chest, leaning her forehead in between her hands. I kiss the top of her head and leave my lips there to say, “Sugar, what are you doing?”
She fists her hands in my shirt and gives her head a shake. “Just give me a couple of hours, we can talk tonight, okay?”
“Sugar—” but I don’t get a chance to finish, she pulls away, cutting me off.
“Just a couple of hours. Please.”
At that moment, Tony’s done being patient and walks up to take her suitcase. “Come on, Gabby. I’ll take you home.”
This is not fucking happening.
“Gabby?” I call after her one more time as she makes the short trek to Tony’s car.
She turns. “Tonight. We’ll talk tonight. Okay?”
I pull in a breath to calm myself because what I really want to do is take her home myself, make her listen to me, make her tell me what she’s worried about, or fuck me, tell her I want her forever. Finding myself speechless with my own thoughts, all I manage to do is lift my chin to her indicating that I’ll see her tonight, watch her walk away from me and feel my chest tighten with pain.
Standing here destitute and not being able to do anything but watch her cousin take her away, I think about the future. The future isn’t something I’ve thought about in nine years. Thinking of what was missing in the future was too agonizing and only made me think of my past. As amazing as my time with Gabby has been, I’ve only allowed myself to live in the present.
“Fuck!” I yell at no one, turn, and stride to my truck. I get in, slam the door, and go to work because there is nowhere else for me to go.
“Boy. You know what you need to do. I’ve known you since you were a Cadet, you’re no weakling and it’s time. Quit pussy footin’ around. I know you’ve been through hell and back losing Julia and the babies, but if this is your second chance at a life, take it. I know her road hasn’t been easy either, but you’re a good man and she’s lucky to have you. She’s gotta know that by now. I can only hope my three girls find a man like you someday. That is, after you get your head out of your ass,” Mac says.
Mac doesn’t screw around with words, I’ve known him since I was in the Academy and he was an instructor. He’s always been a mentor and we stayed in touch when he left the Force for a job with the FBI. He helped me through the hiring process. He knows me well, so well, that once I got to the office and he saw my mood, he marched my ass into the conference room making me spill like a girl.
“Don’t sugar coat it or anything, Mac,” I mutter, staring out the window with my back to him.
“Shit,” he rumbles. “Do you want her or not?”
Frowning, I turn to him crossing my arms. “Yeah. I want her.”
“Then get the hell out of here and go get her. This is the FB fucking I, not couples counseling.” He turns to storm out of the room slamming the door behind him.
Yeah, I want her. She knows everything there is to know about me now, there’s nothing between us anymore. Not able to wait another second, I head to my desk to get my shit and get to Gabby as fast as I can.
“Gabby!” Jude calls, coming from the garage. “Where are you?”
I let out a breath and close my eyes. It’s not tonight. It’s only late afternoon. Well, I guess it is five o’clock and five o’clock could swing either way. But I was thinking tonight-tonight when I told him tonight. Not this afternoon-tonight.
“Gabby?” he bites out, impatiently this time.
“In here,” I answer quietly. I hear Jude coming through the great room and see him standing in the French doors to the study that overlooks the front of my house.
“Sugar, what are you doing in here? I’ve never seen you in here before.” He stands there with his hands on his hips and Mia circles his feet. As usual, he pays her no mind.
“I don’t know,” I say withdrawn, because I am. “I used to sit in here for hours after my parents died. My dad used to work in here all the time. His desk was always a mess with case files and court documents. When I was little I would play in here while he worked. I’d sit right here on this sofa with my baby dolls laid out and accessorize them. I never played with them much, just changed their clothes.”
That’s when he moves to me, I’m curled into the corner of my dad’s tufted leather sofa. He instantly invades my space again by picking up my feet and sitting down laying my legs over his lap.
Typical.
All I do is sigh.
I’ve thought all afternoon. I thought and thought and thought. All I can come up with is what came to me yesterday. I love him—everything about him. But if he doesn’t feel the same, it’s going to break me. I’ll literally be broken. Again. And I’m so tired of being broken.
“Your dad worked for the District Attorney’s office?” he asks, breaking into my thoughts. I notice he’s looking at my dad’s certificates that are famed and hanging around the room.
“Yeah, for about five years before he and my uncles formed their practice. He was an Assistant District Attorney. I was so little, I don’t remember him working there.”
Jude looks back to me and lowers his voice. “Babe, why are you in here?”
“I don’t know,” I lie. There are parts of this house that make me feel closer to my parents and this is one of them. I need to be close to them today somehow. I feel like I’m bracing for something.
“Sugar, tell me what you’re thinking.” I lift my eyes to his and he leans in closer, wrapping an arm around my legs and the other around the side of my neck. He’s done it again. Caged me in. And I can’t deny it—this feels nice. I close my eyes and lean into his hand, feeling like I could go to sleep right here. His fingers tense lightly in my hair and I open my eyes when he whispers, “Gabby, talk to me.”
I look into his eyes that look as tired and as stressed as I feel. “It’s just that Conner compared me to lots of women. Not to mention calling me other awful names. I need to know what that means, but I’m afraid I already know what that means and that scares me to be lumped into a group like that.”
“I’ve not been in a relationship since Julia died. Not once in nine years. Now, I’m sorry to say, that doesn’t mean there weren’t women in my life. If I could change that for you now, I would, but I can’t. But you have to know you’re more than that, Gabby. So much more. You know that. We haven’t known each other long, but you have to know that, at least. Surely you can feel it.”