“Yeah.” Jeremy nodded. “Luke’s mentioned it.”
That’s right. Jeremy had already met my kooky parents. Both of them.
“Well, growing up getting letters threatening eviction because our rent wasn’t paid wasn’t exactly the easiest thing on a kid. Especially one who was already prone to anxiety.”
“You? Anxious? No!” His tongue licked at the corner of his lips.
I gave him a look that said ‘are you quite done?’. “Anyway, according to my therapist, I turned to trying to control everything in order to make sense of my world. The more perfect and organized everything could be, the safer and happier I felt.”
“You do get that nothing is truly under your control, right?” Jeremy asked.
“In the macro sense, of course,” I breathed. “In the micro sense, no way. Every single thing I do is written down and executed.”
“I get it,” he replied. “It makes sense. I’m sorry that you had to deal with such uncertainty in your childhood.”
I took another sip of wine. “Yeah, well, we all have our little red wagons to pull behind us, don’t we?”
“It also stands to reason that you don’t want to take a chance on writing. Anything artistic like that is iffy, eh?”
“So iffy.” I shook my head. “I can’t tell you how much I admire Luke for following his dreams, though. I give him hell about being flaky, but I guess...I guess I really wish I had that kind of courage.”
“Do you think that’s why you’re pissed at Lacey?” Jeremy asked.
“Whaa?” I squinted at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she’s an actress. That’s definitely not a profession for the faint of heart. And she’s managed to succeed at it, at least more than many people do. Given what you just told me, that’s gotta trigger your issues.”
Wow. Jeremy was wise and deep and continued to surprise me with his insights. Plus, he was totally right. “Oh, my God, I’m jealous of Lacey for more than one reason?” I groaned and let my head drop to the pillow.
Jeremy laughed. “And not because she looks like Megan Fox.”
“She does look like Megan Fox, though, you have to admit.”
“Maybe a little. But I’ve never really been into Megan Fox all that much. Not my type.”
I smiled and nudged his shoulder. “Speaking of your type, you mentioned earlier that you’ve been pining after someone who’s never really noticed you.”
“Yep,” he breathed, also letting his head drop to the pillow beside mine.
“So, how’s that going to work out?” I didn’t necessarily want to hear the details about his would-be girlfriend, but I felt like it was selfish and boring to keep talking about me and my problems with Harrison. Jeremy had problems too. At least if I could give him some advice, one of us might be better off in the relationship department by the time this trip was over.
He rolled over and stared at the ceiling. “I wish I knew.”
“Ever tried telling her you like her?” I offered.
He scrunched up his nose. “Oh, like we’re in the fifth grade?”
I nudged him with my elbow. “I’m not suggesting you write her a note and leave it in her locker or anything. I just wonder why you don’t come out and tell her.”
He expelled a breath. “It’s not that simple. She’s got a boyfriend.”
My mouth formed an O and I winced. “Ooh, that’s tough then. I understand.”
“You agree that I shouldn’t tell her?” he asked.
“Not if she and the boyfriend are really serious. That would just be unfair to everyone.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Jeremy waved his wine glass in the air. “Enough about me. What about you? What do you plan to do about Harrison?”
I snorted. “I don’t know anymore. The truth is, I guess we really just need to talk. We were supposed to get engaged this Christmas.”
“Really?” Jeremy’s voice sounded surprised.
“Yep. And now that’s all up in the air. I always said cheating was a deal-breaker.”
“What if it turns out it was just a kiss? For all you know, she kissed him knowing you were coming around the corner. Will you break up with him then?”
Of course, I’d thought of that, but had discarded it as stupid wishful thinking. “He did look pretty serious when he said it was a misunderstanding. I don’t know. Do I throw away nearly three years over one lousy kiss?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that,” Jeremy said. “But you did kiss me, too. I’d say you’re even.”
“I know.” I sat up on one elbow again and took another sip of wine. “I have my whole life planned. It’s all written down right over there.” I squinted one eye and pointed at the day planner that was sitting on the desk near the window. “My whole life is in there.”
“And marrying Harrison is part of the plan?” Jeremy asked.
“Yes.” I nodded, but I wanted to cry. Why, why, why couldn’t this whole thing be going the way it was supposed to go? Why had everything fallen apart?
Jeremy’s voice was quiet but firm. “All I know is if you were mine, I’d never choose a Megan Fox wannabe over you. I wouldn’t care what my boss said.”
That really made me want to cry. No one had ever said anything so nice to me before. Harrison was so perfect for me on paper. Why didn’t he say nice things like Jeremy did? “We’re planning a June wedding,” I breathed. “It’s all there, in the planner. If I change it, I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Is your Future Husband Checklist there too?”
“Yes,” I admitted, feeling my nose turn red with shame. I’d told him about the FHC while drunk, hadn’t I?
“Can I see it?” Jeremy asked.
No one but myself and Ellie had ever seen the FHC. But since things were already crazy and bound to become crazier, I figured why not. I placed my wine glass on the table next to me, slid off the bed, and grabbed my planner from the desk. I climbed back into the bed, propped my back up with pillows against the wall, and set the planner on my bent knees. I flipped it open and turned to the page where I knew I’d find the list.
Jeremy propped himself up beside me and stared at the list. “Wow. You’re serious. You really do have a checklist?”
“My psychologist suggested it,” I said defensively.
“Can I see it?” he asked, reaching for the planner.
“Here, but no making fun of it. You’d probably find the right woman too if you had a similar list. Only yours would need to have ‘no current boyfriend or similar’ on it.”
Jeremy snorted. His eyes scanned the page and he mouthed the words as he read the list. He was mostly silent until he asked, “How many kids do you want?”
“Two,” I said with a sigh.
“A boy and a girl?” he asked.
“As long as they’re healthy, I don’t mind.”
Finally, he finished and flipped the planner closed and stared at me. “Look, Meg, I know you’ve got your whole life in this thing, but plans are made to be broken, and I’ve noticed yours are written in colored pencil. And you have a matching eraser.”