Had he been successful? If she were to beget an heir tonight, she would never need to suffer such embarrassment again, and he would never suffer her touch.
He rolled off of her. Surreptitiously, she moved her hands against her exposed thighs, feeling the place where he had just been. Her fingertips found the dampness she had felt, and it was sticky against her skin, but other than that there was nothing to suggest anything had happened at all. She closed her eyes, fervently sending a prayer of hope into the darkness.
It was several minutes before he rolled from the bed without a word, gathered his garments, and slipped through the connecting door. She lay still until she was sure he would not return before slipping from the bed and padding across the carpet. She quietly approached the connecting door and ever so carefully turned the lock. Only when she was assured of her privacy did she let the tears come.
Sebastian was only able to sneak up on him at the Devonshire ball three nights after his disastrous wedding night because Dax had taken to surviving by existing in a sort of catatonic state.
In the hollow recesses of his mind, he heard the turn of the bolt ringing in the darkness as his wife locked him out of her bedchamber.
God, he was a right ass.
He’d mucked up the entire thing. He knew from the moment he’d stepped into her bedchamber and seen she’d removed those damned spectacles he was lost. Her face glowed in the candlelight, and he’d wanted nothing more than to cup her face in his hands and press a kiss to her lips. Only when he’d finally gotten the chance, he’d been so damn hard he couldn’t withstand the torment her reaction to his kiss had caused.
And he said the absolutely worst thing he could have said.
He’d told her no.
She had wrapped herself around him, pressed herself against him, and he’d lost all control. He felt himself slipping, and he said the first thing that had come to his mind because he didn’t want it to end, and he was so close to the edge after that first, brief kiss.
He hadn’t seen her other than at meals in the three days since. She kept to her rooms, coming out only to exercise Henry in the gardens. He tiptoed around his own home, worried he might upset her. He took any excuse to leave the house, rushing out when his solicitor dropped him a note about some investing affairs that required his attention. He’d even attended a lecture on the proper rotation of legumes when sowing crop fields. He didn’t even harvest legumes on his estates.
It needn’t matter. He simply could not bear the silence. At every meal, she drifted into the room, took her place at the table and bid him a greeting appropriate to the time of day. She was not sullen or downcast. Far worse, she was properly dignified. Sitting primly in her chair, back straight, shoulders square, and answered every question he posed to her with grace. Only her answers lacked the wit he had come to expect—no, cherish—and often they were monosyllabic.
He wanted the Eliza he had met on the ballroom floor. The one who demanded the truth from him. The one who had made his heart squeeze and his stomach churn. This Eliza was a mere ghost of the woman he had married.
It shouldn’t have concerned him. He hadn’t planned to enjoy the company of his bride. It wasn’t part of his plan after all. He shouldn’t be worried about her. He shouldn’t miss her sharp comments and bold honesty.
And he didn’t.
He ached for it.
If he knew how to fix it, how to undo the damage he had done, he would do it. But he didn’t know how to tell her how much he desired her, how much he enjoyed touching her, how much he savored the taste of her.
He couldn’t tell her because he was afraid of admitting it to himself.
“I understand congratulations are in order.”
He started at Sebastian’s voice but recovered to turn a scowl on his best friend.
“Come out of your cave, have you?”
Sebastian had the decency to appear sheepish. “Duty requires my attention and all that.”
“Duty? Is that your excuse for not attending your friend’s wedding?”
Sebastian had sent his regrets when Dax had informed him of his impending nuptials, and not for the first time, did he wonder what had happened to Sebastian when his father died. Even now in the glowing light of a packed ballroom, shadows found their way to Sebastian’s face, speckling the surface in secrets and doubts.
His friend only gave that sheepish smile again. “Something like that.” He gestured to the room around them. “Where is the bride in question?”
Dax followed the gesture, but it was useless. The room was overfull, and bodies were pressed in like sheep going to the shearing.
“She was absconded by her sisters as soon as we were announced.”
He was glad of it, honestly. Perhaps her sisters would bolster her, help to soothe some of the pain he had caused.
“Ah, yes, I had heard rumors of the Darby sisters. I understand they are a formidable bunch.”
Dax turned a wary eye on Sebastian. “That was rather mild for you.”
“Would you rather I call your relations harpies?” Sebastian returned his stare.
“I suppose not.”
His friend inclined his head. “Very well. I do try to maintain some level of decorum. At least when it comes to friends.”
Dax doubted Sebastian had many friends left, not after the way he had secluded himself. Still, it was a worthy gesture.
“So how is the married life, old friend?”
Dax’s chest tightened at his friend’s innocent question. He must have hesitated too long because Sebastian made a noise of sympathy.
“I take it my advice has too soundly found its mark.”
Dax frowned, refusing to meet Sebastian’s gaze. “Something like that.”
Sebastian gave a soft laugh that was more attributed to cynicism than humor. “I’m sorry for that. Although I can’t say it’s entirely bad. I would think it would be better to be wed to someone with whom one can converse than with someone with the intelligence of a doorknob.”
Dax considered this, but it did nothing to unwind the trepidation that turned his stomach.
“I think I may have made a blunder.” Even admitting it had a lightness spreading through him.
“How so?”
Finally, he turned to consider his friend. “I may have given her reason to feel inadequate in a certain, intimate aspect of our marriage.”
“Did you tell her she is plain? That’s rather callous even for me.” Sebastian’s voice was dry with scorn.
Dax waved away his accusation. “No, I’m afraid it’s far worse than that.”
Sebastian only raised an eyebrow.
Dax surveyed the members of the ton that clustered about him, ensuring they were rather alone in their conversation. Just to be safe, he took a step closer to Sebastian.
“I became somewhat over eager on our wedding night, and I gave the indication that I may not have been enjoying myself.”
Sebastian’s laugh was full of humor now. “You told the poor girl to stop, didn’t you?”
“Something like that,” Dax muttered.
“And a woman already condemned as a wallflower took this at its worst possible meaning.”
Dax could only nod.
Sebastian drew a deep breath. “You’ve gone and done it now. Isn’t that what they say?”