5
Sean
A RAP OF knuckles on my passenger window Monday morning made me unlock the car door, and Boudreaux pulled it open.
Late last night he’d reached out and asked if I was free first thing to meet, which I’d agreed to—although now I was starting to have my doubts. This was all feeling a little devious, and wasn’t that what had pissed Bailey off in the first place? If he knew about this, he would not be happy.
“Morning, Dick. How goes it?”
As Boudreaux climbed inside and shut the door behind him, I twisted in my seat to take the tray of coffees and brown paper bag he held.
“It goes.” I sniffed at the lid covering the cup, and Boudreaux laughed.
“It’s caffeine, I promise. If I was gonna to poison you, I would’ve done it back in the day, not now.” He settled in and smoothed his hands along his jean-clad thighs. “Although this does feel eerily familiar, no? Meetings in secret in your car? Just keep your hands to yourself. I’ve heard you’re into the men these days, but sadly for you, I’m taken.”
“Shut the hell up before I make you.”
“See, we can’t do that either. Sorry. I have a no-kissing policy, especially my boyfriend’s brother…”
I couldn’t tell if the dig was at me or Xander. But it was enough to make me curl my fingers around the steering wheel in a death grip so I wouldn’t strangle the mouthy fucker. He was, after all, the only person on the planet right now who had any hope of getting Xander and myself a face-to-face with my stubborn brother.
“You done?”
“Oh, I haven’t even started.” He snatched the bag back and opened it to fish out a chocolate chip muffin. “I got you a lemon bar.”
I raised an eyebrow, and Boudreaux shrugged.
“What? I’m observant.”
He was that, and that was why he’d been such a valuable CI. He was also smarter than most, which had made him more dangerous. Boudreaux had always been difficult to wrangle and hard to control. I was close to positive he’d been using me just as much as I had him, for reasons I still didn’t know about and, quite frankly, didn’t want to.
“You used to inhale those things when we’d meet up, and it’s what Bailey always gets you for dessert.”
Taking the bag from him, I pulled out my pastry and took a bite. As the tangy curd hit my tongue, I thought about the last time I’d eaten one of these. It’d been back with Xander when I first realized how much he was coming to mean to me. That felt like forever ago. How was it only weeks?
“Speaking of Bailey, did you talk to him?”
Boudreaux reached for one of the coffees, and after I took the other one, I tossed the tray in the back. He took a sip and then placed his cup in the holder closest to him.
“I felt him out a little.”
“And?”
“And it’s obvious he’s still carrying this around with him. He’s quick to snap at things. He’s not sleeping really well, and anytime yours or Xander’s name comes up, he looks like he’s caught between wanting to vomit and wanting to commit murder.”
Great. None of that sounded like the Bailey I knew. He was always the happy, easygoing brother out of the three of us. “What about Kieran? Has he been around?”
Boudreaux gave me the side-eye. “No. But he’s spoken to Bailey on the phone.”
“About me?”
“Yeah.”
“And Xander?”
“Yeah.”
“Together?” As Boudreaux hemmed and hawed over his answer, my frustration bubbled up and out of me. “Stop fucking around with me, Boudreaux.”
He took a bite out of his muffin and shrugged. “Maybe you should’ve said that when you and Xander were alone together.”
Okay, I was about done with this bullshit. “Did you come here just to bust my balls?”
“Nah, but you’ve got to start looking at this from Bailey’s point of view. Last month you and Xander hated each other.”
“We didn’t hate each other.”
“So maybe hate’s a little harsh, but you certainly weren’t kissing or fucking each other.”
“Hey, watch your mouth.”
“Am I wrong?”
“No, but so what? Things change.”
“This many things?” Boudreaux scoffed. “Not only have you switched sides, but you decided to do it with your little brother’s ex-boyfriend. How would you feel?”
“Oh, come on. I get that it’s a shock, but we’re all adults here, and it’s not like we planned it.”
“And that’s the only reason I’m here now. I know you two didn’t do this on purpose. Hell, Xander looked like he wanted to throw up the first time I suggested you two were hooking up.”
“That’s real fucking nice to hear, Boudreaux. Get to the point.”
“All I’m saying is, it’s obvious Xander had no idea how he was feeling. So what’d you do? Get him drunk and move in when he was all vulnerable?”
“Fuck you, it’s not like that.”
“No?” Boudreaux reached for his coffee and took a long swallow. “You have to admit, that’s how it looks.”
“Well, it’s not what happened.” I gritted my teeth. “Not that I have to explain that to you.”
“See, that’s where we disagree. You do need to explain it to me, because right now, I’m your only hope with Bailey, and you better be fucking serious about this, Sean, or I’ll kill you for hurting him this way.”
“Aww, that’s sweet. It’s also the first time you’ve ever said my name. Wasn’t sure you actually knew it.”
“If I’m threatening to kill you then I’m gonna make sure to use your name. That way you know I’m dead fucking serious.”
And I believed him. There was this underlying current that vibrated around Boudreaux. It always felt as though there was something hidden a little deeper that I wasn’t aware of, and never would be.
“So I’m gonna ask you again. How did this happen? You and Xander.”
After finishing off my lemon bar, I wiped my hands and then rested them on the bottom of the steering wheel. “I don’t know, it just…did. There was no drunken night, no sleazy seduction. We were just—”
I cut my words off and looked his way, and instead of the smirk I figured Boudreaux would be sporting, there was an understanding in his eyes that I hadn’t expected.
“We were in an intense situation that made it difficult to keep our distance from one another. We learned more about each other in those first two weeks than we had over two decades. And the longer we were together, the closer we got.”
I thought back to the night at Xander’s place when we’d discovered his stalker had been inside his home. That was the first time I’d kissed Xander. The first time I’d acknowledged the feelings growing between us weren’t some strange delusion. I hadn’t gone to his room with the intent of ending up in his bed. But even now when I looked back on the way that night went down, nothing had ever felt more natural than holding him in my arms.