I laid in bed at the apartment, my eyes wide open and my pulse still pounding as I stared out the window and watched the sun rise, inch by inch higher over the buildings across the street.
After turning and screaming into the pillow for the hundredth time, I grabbed my phone and went through the same options I’d been going over since I finally made my way home in the middle of the night.
I wanted to find out what happened to Daryl. He could be laid up in a hospital somewhere, I knew, and I might have been the only one aware of it. But I worried if I tried to call the police or ring up the hospitals and ask about him, I’d just get myself arrested.
My imagination raced, pictures of the police searching the car and finding murder weapons and bags of heroin and whatever other fucked up things Daryl was driving around with.
And my stomach clenched when I thought of the car that had been chasing us, crashed against a tree.
If those men were hurt… If they were dead…
I pulled myself out of bed. For a second, I thought I was going to puke, but when my muscles unclenched, I was able to hold it in.
Only thing I could do, I figured, was to wait. I had to act cool and pretend nothing had ever happened. I’d beg some money from Lilith to get my cars tires replaced and go about my day like nothing was wrong.
I had to. Otherwise, my life walking around Seattle and feeling the breeze on my skin would be toast.
I scrubbed myself hard in the shower, rubbing at my skin like I was going to get the pain off me, rip away some scent of what had happened. There were scratches and bruises across my body, but none worse than the heavy purple splotches on my side. I hated Daryl for getting me in the situation he got me in, but at the same time, it was like my ribs were on fire. I was so worried about him.
I wanted the guy to stop acting like a dickhead. I didn’t want him to get arrested.
Or worse.
Mainly, though, I just felt sick that I might have actually gone and screwed everything up for good. That right now, when I finally had something better in my grasp, I’d gone and taken a shit on it.
And to top it all off, I had a full day of work, getting ready for the convention with Franklin at his house. Probably Rory would be there, too, I figured, just to watch my humiliation.
“Maybe the cops will even show up to arrest me,” I muttered as I stuck my legs in a pair of jeans, then chugged a mug of cold coffee. “See how much attention the daddies want to give me when I’m walking away in handcuffs.”
Blech.
The coffee came out my mouth and straight into the toilet. After brushing my teeth once more and splashing water on my face, I headed over to the house, ready to pull an acting routine worthy of an Oscar.
I hopped off the bus a couple of blocks from their place, then walked the rest of the way, my hands shoved in my pocket and my hoodie zipped up to the top. Franklin and Rory were both outside when I arrived. Rory was fishing around in the car for something, and Franklin was watching Marlene as she ran circles through the front yard.
“Asher!” Franklin said with a big wave. “Just on time.”
Rory pulled his head out of the car, a piece of mail in his hand. “Where’s your car?” he asked.
They stood a few feet apart from each other, each of them looking at me with those open, honest expressions. Rory had on a flannel, tucked into his jeans, and Franklin was wearing a plain blue jacket over another superhero T-shirt. I wanted to throw my arms open and fall on them, to curl up inside Franklin’s jacket and feel the fuzz of Rory’s beard, rubbing against my neck.
Every horrible thing that happened surged through my body. Make it better, I wanted to beg them. Tell me I’m going to be okay.
But I couldn’t. I bit on my tongue, hard, holding it tight until I tasted copper.
Until I bit back tears, just like every time I gripped the wheel and avoided another crash.
“Flat tire,” I said. “I took the bus.”
“Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?” Rory asked. “Ava is in her bedroom working on a project.”
I shook my head quickly, then tugged down the bottom of my thermal. Sitting on that couch with them, I knew I would just lose my cool. “I should get started. Lots to do, right, Franklin?”
Franklin nodded. “Shall we go to the shed? I can walk you through what I’m thinking.”
I turned to Rory, then swallowed hard. I couldn’t even meet his eyes, I was that messed up in the head. I just stared at his mouth, his ruby lips and his graying mustache.
“Good to see you, anyway,” Rory said, then patted my shoulder.
That touch…
“Make sure you stick your head in before you leave this time,” he said.
I nodded once more, then hurried off toward the shed. Franklin said something to Rory, but I couldn’t hear it.
The next little bit was a blur. Franklin showed me the drawings he’d done and explained which of the displays and cutouts we were going to bring with us and needed to accommodate. My job was just to make a display that would fit the booth size we’d been given, something we could keep partially disassembled in order to drive it in Rory’s trucks, and that would provide shelving and space for all the products he had listed. I nodded along, grateful at least that I could build that kind of thing with my eyes closed.
“Got it,” I said, staring at the pile of wood instead of meeting Franklin’s eyes. “Consider it done.”
“Great,” Franklin said, rocking back and forth on his heels. A moment passed, and then I dropped down on my knees to fiddle with the drill.
“You doing okay there, Asher?” Franklin asked softly.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah,” I said, my voice low and hoarse. “I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Okay,” Franklin said. “If you need anything, we’ll be inside.”
I gave him a thumbs-up and listened to his footsteps fade away. When he was gone, I threw myself into the work, eager for any distraction from the panic that was tingling down my spine. With protective goggles and a mask on and the loud whir of the saw in the air, I could almost feel like I was safe again. Like in that shed, with Franklin and Rory and their family in the house up front, no one could get me, even though the bruises from the accident still ached every time I stretched.
“Hey!”
I clicked off the saw, then dropped it by my side as I turned. Standing a few feet outside the shed was Ava. She had on a long black sweater dress, and a pair of headphones hung around her neck.
“Oh, hi, Ava.”
Fuck. She should not be here. I am not a safe person for her to be around.
I shouldn’t be here in the first place. What am I doing?
“You’re building something for Uncle Franklin?”
I snapped out of my panic. Nodding, I set the saw on the ground, removed my safety gear, and stepped into the yard. “Yeah, we’re working on another project together.”
Ava stared at me like she wanted to talk but didn’t know what to say. For some reason, it made a smile turn up the corner of my mouth.
“I listened to BTS,” I told her. “They’re pretty cool.”
“Really?” she asked, turning her head to the side.
I stuck my hand on my hip. “What, you don’t think they’re good anymore? You’re the one who told me about them.”