“Stop,” he said softly. “It’s not that bad. This is just the kind of thing you both have to get used to.”
“I know. This is just some of what I hope the counselor is going to help us with.”
“Really?”
Nodding, she explained, “It’s more than just grief that we’re dealing with. It’s things like the allowance and knowing how to raise a young person. I mean, I know every parent says how kids don’t come with a manual, but in most cases, the child is yours and you have some time to prep. I didn’t. It was like one minute I was living alone up in Boston and just Haley’s aunt. Now I’m…”
He placed a kiss on her forehead. “You’re amazing. And I know you’re not her mom, but…I think you’re the next best thing for her. And someday, when you have kids of your own, you’ll be the best mom for them.”
Her heart skipped a beat at his words. Slowly, her gaze met his. “I…I hope so.”
He nodded. “You will be. I know it.” This time he kissed her softly on the lips before saying, “Remember when we used to talk about having kids?”
Sydney felt her cheeks heat. “I do.”
“You wanted twin girls and then a boy. Is that still true?”
Her eyes went wide. “How…how do you even remember that?”
“We used to talk about it a lot.” He shrugged. “It was something we planned for a while.” He picked up her hand and gently caressed it. “You ever still think about it?”
Wordlessly, she nodded.
It wasn’t like it was something she thought about often, but every once in a while, it was there.
Lately it had been on her mind more than she was willing to admit.
“I’m not sure this is the right time to be talking about this,” she whispered.
“You guys know I can hear you, right?” Haley said, giving them both a bored look before shaking her head. “Maybe we should just turn the boat around and I’ll go sleep at Janie’s tonight or something so I’m out of your way.”
Sydney looked over at Kyle and she felt even more defeated than she had a few minutes ago. She went to stand up, but he stopped her.
Rising, Kyle walked over to her niece and stood beside her matching her stance and looking straight ahead. “Do you know why we’re out here on the boat tonight?”
Haley’s answer was a shrug.
“I was pretty stoked about being done with your house,” he explained. “I walked around, patting myself on the back about what a great job I did, and I wanted to celebrate.”
“Then why am I here?” she asked flatly.
This time, Kyle did turn to her. “It’s your house, Hales. I wanted to celebrate with you and your aunt and thought this would be fun!”
Another shrug.
“I mean, I considered pizza and ice cream at the house, but I didn’t think I’d be able to handle all the ooh-ing and aah-ing you’d both be doing because of how awesome I am.” He grinned at her and Sydney wanted to kiss him for making light of the conversation. “Although, I’m still open to hearing a little praise when we get back. You know…in case you were wondering.”
Now Haley tilted her head to study him. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a huge ego?”
Kyle’s smile was slow and sweet before turning a little bit cocky. “Hales, everyone tells me.” Winking at her, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick hug. “Like it or not, kiddo, I enjoy hanging out with you. And whether you believe it or not, I’m actually the fun uncle. Ask my nephews.”
“Isn’t one of them a baby?”
Sydney quietly groaned at her niece’s sarcasm, but luckily Kyle just laughed.
“Yeah, Asher’s only one, but I’m still his favorite uncle.” He paused and then leaned on the dash. “The thing here is that no one’s looking to ditch you. I mean, do I enjoy having some time alone with your aunt? Of course. Am I disappointed that we’re out here sailing and hanging out with you? No. So quit being so dramatic and volunteering to get out of our way because that’s not what either of us want.”
Haley looked over her shoulder at Sydney as if to ask, “Is this guy for real?” and all Sydney could do was smile and nod.
“Yeah, well…I’m not a baby, you know. There’s going to be times when you don’t want me around.”
Again, Sydney was ready to speak up, but Kyle was one step ahead of her.
With a careless shrug, he replied, “And there are going to be times when you don’t want us around. You’re going to want to hang out with your friends rather than the two of us, and you know what? That’s all okay. Our wanting to be alone doesn’t mean we don’t want to be with you, Haley. You need to remember that.”
Standing, Sydney walked over and joined them. “Okay, since we’re all in agreement that we want to be together here on the boat, why don’t we drop anchor or turn off the boat or whatever it is that you have to do so we can have something to eat. What do you say?”
“Did you bring dessert?” Haley asked.
Kyle laughed out loud. “Like your aunt would pack a picnic and not bring dessert.” He gently nudged Haley aside and showed her how to slow the boat down to an idle so they could step away and eat. “The water’s too deep for us to drop an anchor, so this is what we do.” He looked out at the horizon for a moment. “Once we’re done eating, I think we should turn around and start heading back. You know, while we eat our dessert.”
“Sounds like a plan!”
Two weeks later, Sydney was driving home from therapy and she felt more than a little emotionally drained. It was exactly what she was expecting and yet…not. Apparently, she had a lot of issues that she hadn’t been dealing with and being forced to sit and talk in a one-on-one setting brought it all to the surface.
And she wasn’t loving it.
The first session she and Haley went to together had been rough. There was lots of crying—on both of their parts—and their counselor Teresa assured them that it was completely normal. She also said they should get used to being comfortable crying in front of her. At the time, Sydney thought she was exaggerating, but sure enough, she cried in every session so far.
It had to get better, right?
There was no way she could continue like this where every time she sat down on Teresa’s couch, she would instantly feel the sting of tears. It just wasn’t possible. And what was worse was that it was seriously starting to mess with the times when she wasn’t in a session. Normally she was so drained by the end of her time that it was all she could do to go home and function. She hadn’t seen much of Kyle because she just wasn’t feeling up to it, and that was starting to become an issue as well.
Wasn’t this all supposed to help me move forward? What is wrong with me?
That had been her big question to Teresa today, at the end of their session.
Her response? There wasn’t anything wrong. Everyone handles grief differently and maybe she should try to focus on fewer things rather than trying to do so much.
Then she wished her a good weekend and told her she’d see her next week.