“You want me to tell Harry that you got me…” she lowers her voice “…pregnant?”
“No. I want you to word it more like this, ‘Harry, I got a little carried away and now I’m pregnant and your dad is my baby’s daddy too. Please don’t blame him.’”
She opens her mouth to speak, just as my new ass admirer comes out of the bathroom.
“What can I get you two mischievous kids for breakfast?”
“Don’t worry about it, Grandma. I’ll be down in just a minute to make something.”
“Okey dokey.”
Ellen loses the smile as she returns her attention to me. “You want me to throw myself under the bus to save you?”
“You walk on water in his eyes. I’m not sure he’s truly capable of getting upset with you, especially if you make cookies.”
Her lips purse to the side. I’m not sure if I should cover my junk or run.
She shrugs. “Fine.”
“Fine?”
“I’ll tell him.”
“You will?”
“Yes. But not for a couple more months. If I miscarry, it’s all for nothing.”
I swore after Heidi died I’d never let another woman tear my heart out. Yet, here I am, letting this woman do exactly that.
“Let’s go eat.” I turn before she can see how much her words slay me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Ellen
I watch him pack his bag. Why does he have to leave? I know the answer, but my heart still asks the question.
“I hope Harry loved New York City.”
“My dad texted me a picture of him in Times Square.” He holds up his phone for me to see.
“That’s a big smile.”
“Yeah.” Flint stares at the photo for a few more seconds.
“You miss him.”
“I do. Some days I can’t wait to distance myself from him, but after a while, I miss his constant nagging and incessant talking about random stuff.”
And that’s why he has to leave. I may feel this need for him to stay, but only one of his children really needs him at the moment, and it’s not the one in my womb.
“So it’s weird that we never really discussed a plan. Do we have one?”
He zips his bag and slips on his winter coat. “I’m taking your lead on this, which seems to be a wait-and-see. So I guess we’ll wait a few months to see if you’re still pregnant.”
I flinch. “That’s a little abrasive.”
“No more so than your comments.”
“What comments?”
“The reminders that you could miscarry. The ‘all for nothing’ comment. I get the impression that we are one hundred percent contingent on this child coming into the world.”
“Well …” I say slowly. “Are we not? I left. You never contacted me until Harry and I were video chatting on Christmas—over a month after I left Minneapolis. Then you called me because you felt guilty about something you said to your dad. And you only showed up here because you thought I didn’t want this baby. What’s changed?”
“Everything!” He bites his lips together, hands on his hips as he looks up at the ceiling. “Don’t you get it? I’m not going to move Heaven and Earth to make this work and then scrap it all if you miscarry our child. For me, this is no longer about the baby.”
Everything inside of me tingles with emotion.
I want this life.
“You’re going to move Heaven and Earth for me?”
He blows a cynical laugh out of his nose. “Is that so hard to believe?”
Yes. Men love me when it’s convenient. When life is good. When they have two good hands. There’s nothing convenient about us. When Harry finds out, life might not feel so good. And Flint didn’t lose his hands, he lost something—someone—so much greater.
Yet he’s here for me.
“Do it,” I whisper. “Move Heaven and Earth.”
A painful smile pulls at his mouth. I hug him, fighting the emotions that come with goodbyes, fighting the emotions that come with loving someone so completely.
“Heaven and Earth,” he says, kissing the top of my head.
*
Flint thanks my family, giving an extra-long hug to my grandma. I’m not sure, but I think she gives his ass a soft pat, however, I catch it just as he releases her, so I can’t say for sure.
“No need to walk me out. Stay inside where it’s warm.”
I slip on my jacket and hat. “Not happening. Be thankful if you don’t see me chasing after your rental car like a dog.”
“Stubborn.” He shakes his head and opens the door for me.
We stand by the door to his car.
“I’m going to cry my normal tears, multiplied by one thousand because … pregnancy hormones.”
“Crying’s not necessary—oh, Elle.” He pulls me in for a hug as I blink out the first round of tears and sob at the same time.
I knew it would hit me hard when it came time to say the words.
“There’s s-so m-much I want to s-say.”
He hugs me tightly, kissing my forehead. “Then say it.”
I shake my head, fighting back more sobs. “It’s st-stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. Just say it.”
I take a few seconds to reel in the burst of emotions so I can get all the words out before falling apart again. “I love you, so don’t die in a plane crash. Don’t change your mind. Don’t sleep with another woman. Don’t think about me getting fat or getting stretch marks. Don’t ruin your relationship with Harry to be with me. But be with me. Gah! I know that sounds impossible. But …”
He kisses me. And kisses me. And kisses me until I could faint. “Heaven and Earth,” he whispers over my tear-stained face.
I nod and sniffle. “God … you sure do look the part, Flint Hopkins.” I grab the top to his jacket because he doesn’t have lapels to hold.
He grins. “What part is that?”
“My man, of course.”
“I like that part.” He kisses just the tip of my cold nose and opens the door.
“I love you.”
He slides into the seat and starts the car. “I love you too. Take care of my baby and her mommy.”
I lift my shoulders to hide from the wind. “Her?”
His lips purse as he nods. “Just a feeling.”
“Bye,” I whisper just before shutting his door. I watch him pull out, but I don’t chase after him. Harry needs him. And I love Harry. That’s what’s going to keep me going while Flint, god of my world, moves universes to be with me.
*
Flint
The quiet hum of the plane mixed with the impossible decisions on my conscience makes my eyelids heavy. There’s nothing more exhausting than the unsolvable.
“You haven’t said much about Ellen.” My dad nudges my arm. “You two figure your shit out?”
I grunt, shaking my head.
“How’s her dad?”
“Better. But far from healed.”
“And Ellen? How is she?”
I glance across the aisle to my mom reading a book and Harrison, on the other side of her, leaned against the window of the plane, sleeping.