“How’s my boy?”
“Hard to say. Are you referring to me or Harrison?”
He chuckles. “Who do you think?”
“Harrison is fine.”
“And my other boy?”
“I’m surviving.”
“I’ll sugarcoat it when your mom asks.”
“Good plan. I’m on my way home now. When are you and Mom coming for a visit?”
“Actually, your mom has a companion ticket that expires soon. She booked us flights in two weeks. That work for you boys?”
“Sure. Harrison will be thrilled. Well … his version of thrilled.”
“You going to get out while we’re there?” And by “get out” he means get laid.
My father played football in college and two years in the NFL before an injury ended his career like it ended mine. He also had a problem with addiction. There’s nothing I can’t say to him. He gets me.
“I hope so. I told you I rented out the upstairs space to that music teacher. Remember?”
“Great tits?”
I chuckle. The Hopkins men have singular thoughts.
“Yeah.”
“You think screwing your tenant is a good idea?”
“No. It’s a terrible idea. Not what I was trying to say.” It is a terrible idea, but an idea nonetheless—an idea that’s stuck in my head where it will die. “She’s irritating. Physically irritating. My neck itches when I’m around her. But she’s the reason I need to get away for a night. I’ve tried to evict her, but she’s using Harrison’s love of music to manipulate me. He’s been playing guitar with her. And today he brought home her pet rat. A pet rat. Who the fuck has a rat for a pet? Ellen Rodgers. That’s who.”
My dad laughs some more. “She’s under your skin. Maybe screwing your tenant is exactly what you need. Once she realizes you’re a one-night-stand guy, she’ll give you her notice instead of the other way around. Women don’t like facing men who reject them after one night.”
“Sage advice from the man who married his high school sweetheart and was a virgin on his wedding night.”
“Hey, I live vicariously through you.”
“You poor guy.” I grunt a laugh.
“You know…” his tone turns more serious “…it’s been ten years. I think a decade is long enough. Heidi would want you to move on.”
“Heidi would want me to burn in Hell for killing her—taking away Harrison’s mother. I think that every fucking time I feel any sort of happiness or pleasure. I gotta go.” I can’t have this conversation. The day may never come that I can have this conversation. A decade … that’s nothing. I killed her. I got away with murder. I should have rotted in a prison cell for the rest of my life.
“I love you, Flint. Your mom does too. And so does Harrison. And we forgive you.”
I pull into the garage and shift into Park, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I did the unforgivable. I’m here for Harrison. That’s it. Raising him is the debt I owe. I don’t deserve a day past his eighteenth birthday. And he only loves me because he doesn’t know the truth.
“I’ll see you in two weeks. Message me your flight info, and I’ll make sure there’s someone at the airport if I can’t be there.”
“Goodnight, Son.”
I disconnect.
I make dinner.
I do laundry.
I pull weeds in the yard and tend to the garden.
I stay up late going over my case that goes to court next week.
And then I wake up and prepare to do it all over again because people like me don’t deserve anything more than monotony.
CHAPTER FIVE
Ellen
As a music enthusiast it would seem natural for hearing to be my most cherished sense. But Beethoven continued to compose, and in some ways hear the music, long after he went deaf. I will forever cherish music and live in awe of the lives that it saves, but I know without a single shred of uncertainty that touch is the one sense I cannot live without. And I know this because I tried for two years to let that need—the feeling that comes only from another human—die. At the most basic level, humans need physical touch to thrive.
“Will you be available this afternoon?” Dr. Hamilton asks as I grab a coffee from the hospital cafeteria. “I have a patient I’d like you to meet. She’s a rape victim.”
“I can see her if it’s before two. I’ll be at my office after that.” I frown, dumping sugar into my coffee. “If I still have one. My landlord is trying to evict me.”
She slips her phone into her lab coat and smirks. “I’ve known you for almost a year. You can charm the pants off a snake. Everyone loves you. How are you getting evicted? Rent issues?”
I put the lid on my cup and shake my head. “Noise issues.” I smirk over the steam seeping from the hole in my lid. “My landlord didn’t understand what my profession entails.”
“Sounds like an idiot. You should hire an attorney to fight it. I know a really good one.”
I laugh. “Funny thing … my landlord is an attorney.”
“Oh …” She cringes, taking a sip of her coffee. “Well, all the more reason to have your own attorney.”
“It’s complicated. I’ve been teaching his son to play the guitar. This boy is amazing. I show him something once and he gets it and builds on it without my guidance. He’s gifted—as in really gifted. And I like him and I think he likes me.”
“So the dad hired you to teach his son guitar lessons, yet he’s evicting you?”
I shake my head as we step onto the elevator. “I offered to teach him for free—sort of. Sex in a Suit was not happy about it.”
“Sex in a Suit?” Dr. Hamilton grins.
Sipping my coffee, I shrug. “Yeah. Sex in a Suit. Tall, dark, and handsome. Every woman’s fantasy. Check. Check. Check. The hot ones are always jerks or gay.”
“Maybe he’s gay.”
The doors open to my floor. “His eyes wander too much. He’s not gay, just a jerk.”
“Bummer. Hey …”
I turn as she pushes the button to hold open the elevator doors.
“Did you get my invite to the wine tasting at my house tonight?”
“Yes. Sorry, I forgot to respond.”
“No big deal. Just stop by if you can.”
“Thanks.”
*
“Good afternoon, Amanda.” I pop my head in Flint’s office on my way to the elevator.
“Elle, don’t you look cute.” She grins.
I glance down at my sheer black leggings, ankle boots, mini skirt, and white boyfriend shirt. “Oh … thanks. I have a wine tasting after work, so I stopped by home on my way here to change into something less boring than my usual pants and sweater.”
“Pfft … less boring? You always look stylish. I envy how easily you make simple look trendy.”
“Boy, I have you fooled. But … thanks.”
The glass wall between Amanda’s desk and Flint’s office reveals an empty desk chair, lights off.