I don’t like that I want to smile.
I catch one of the young women—my age, I think, or pretty close—giving me a quick look as she files out of the church. She’s a pretty dark-haired girl, shorter than me. I watch her while some new guy tells me how glad they are to have me here. She’s at the end of the line of women leaving the church.
She turns and looks at me again, and I wonder—I wonder if she’s trying to tell me something. Maybe she can help me. Maybe I can find a real friend here who can help me get Sam free.
I can almost hear my sister mocking me. You just want to think that because she’s pretty.
Once the girl’s out the door, the men start to leave, too, and by the time the last one shakes my hand I feel exhausted with all the welcomes. I didn’t see Father Tom leave, but his chair’s empty now. I don’t know where to go, so I follow the men as they leave the building.
The girl I noticed is standing near the steps, talking to an older woman. She shoots me another glance and smiles. It’s fast, but it feels like all the air just got sucked out of the world. I feel my ears pop, or I think I do. My skin goes hot and cold at the same time, and I nearly miss a step.
It’s that kind of smile.
“Hi?” I make it a question. Smooth.
She says, “Hello, Brother Connor,” and I think I’ve never heard anybody say my name that way before. “We’re all so pleased to have you with us.” She bobs a little bit, like an old-fashioned curtsy. She doesn’t shake hands, and I don’t know what to do with mine, so I put them in my pockets and sort of nod.
The older woman walks away from us.
“Thanks,” I say to the girl. “What’s your name?”
“Aria,” she says, and I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody with that name before. It’s pretty.
“Aria what?”
She smiles. “I’ll be happy to show you around the place. Can I call you Connor?”
“Uh, sure,” I say. “I’d like to talk to my dad. To Sam.”
She doesn’t stop smiling. “Sure, I’ll ask if we can do that. But he’s not your real father, is he?” I don’t like that, and she has to see it, because immediately she draws back, like I’m about to hit her. “I’m sorry. That was mean. I shouldn’t have said it.”
Now I feel bad for scaring her. “No,” I say, “it’s okay. You’re right. It’s just . . . I don’t like to talk about my birth dad.”
“Oh. Of course. I’m so sorry, Connor. Well, I guess the first place you should see is the falls, it’s the best part of this place, and then—”
“Aria!” a voice says sharply, and I look up to see the oldest of the women—Sister Harmony, Father Tom called her earlier—moving toward us. She looks mad. “Get to your work. Now!”
“But I was only doing what Father Tom—”
“Go!” Sister Harmony snaps. Aria gasps and moves away very quickly with her head down and her long hair blowing across her face. She’s wearing a blue skirt long enough that only her shoes are visible, and a paler blue shirt, and she looks like a painting in a museum—beautiful, and also like someone who lived a hundred years ago. Her hands are in fists at her sides as she walks toward the fields.
Sister Harmony looks at me, and unlike everybody else who’s been smiling at me, she doesn’t. Her mouth is set in a flat line. “I’ll show you to your quarters, Brother Connor,” she says, and for the first time I hear something that isn’t welcoming. She doesn’t want me here. There isn’t any of that feverish warmth coming off her either. She puts a firm hand around my arm. “Forgive Sister Aria, she’s young and doesn’t understand how inappropriate her behavior is. This way.”
After all that fake brotherhood, this feels . . . real. Like fresh air in my face. And I needed that, I realize. It wasn’t that I forgot being kidnapped and brought here, or Mom fighting for me, or Sam. It was just . . . a lot. And now that I’ve had that moment of feeling clear, I realize everything about that church was meant to make me feel important. Even Aria.
She was ordered to be nice to me.
If Sister Harmony was, she’s ignoring that, and I’m weirdly grateful. Between the droning rhythm of Father Tom’s sermon, all the smothering, Aria’s flirting . . . I was way off balance.
Sister Harmony takes me to a building that’s nothing but a kitchen, and inside are only women. Women slicing vegetables. Women working at large industrial stoves, stirring pots or mixing ingredients. Two of them are making bread. It smells amazing, and my mouth waters so much I have to swallow.
There’s a small table in the corner, and she sits me down there. “I’ll get you some food,” she says, and turns away. But then she turns back. “I know you probably are thinking of ways to get out of here. But Connor: don’t try. They’re watching you. Break the rules, and the man they brought in with you will pay the price. Do you understand?”
I nod. She’s said it very quietly, and it’s hard to hear over the noise of the kitchen. Her lips are tight, her eyes darkened, and I wonder how exactly Sister Harmony got here. But that second of connection ends, and she stiffens her back and moves off. The other women all glance up and nod as she passes, but nobody smiles. She’s got power here. Not a lot of friends.
I wonder if this is some other kind of game Father Tom is playing. Does she want me to worry about Sam? Is this supposed to make me play by the rules? I’m not sure. Maybe she means it. Or maybe she’s just like Aria, sent to make me do exactly what Father Tom wants.
I need to get to Sam. Once I know where he is, maybe I can steal some keys and let him out. I close my eyes and think about that, about making some escape over the fence, and how good it will feel to get out of here and back to Mom and Lanny. That helps me remember that this place isn’t real. Out there, that’s real. This is all . . . fake.
A shy, round-faced woman of about twenty brings me a bowl of soup and some bread, and I wonder for a moment if I should eat it or not. I’m so hungry, but . . . I don’t trust it either.
The woman understands immediately. She goes and gets a spoon and takes a big mouthful of soup from my bowl, and a chunk off my bread. She eats it, still smiling that weird smile. “See?” she says. “All safe. We wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Brother.”
I push the bowl away anyway. “I’m really not that hungry,” I tell her. I take a little bit of the bread. It’s good.
“Well,” she says, “if you’re not hungry, of course, I understand. You can come here anytime you need food. Just ask for me. Sister Lyrica.”
I’m regretting my choices when she picks up the bowl and takes it away, but I eat the rest of the bread. Bread that probably isn’t drugged, if she ate it first, or at least that’s what I tell myself because I can’t stop eating it. Sister Lyrica brings me a plastic bottle of water that’s still sealed, and I drink that.
“The bread’s really good,” I say, and finish the last bite. “Uh, is Sister Harmony your boss?”
“She is the elder wife,” Lyrica says, and blinks. “She is responsible for all the sisters.” She clearly thinks it’s weird I don’t know this. I wonder if she’s ever been outside these walls, seen even a little bit of the real world.