I hear footsteps on the path. See flashlights. “Gwen!” It’s Mike Lustig’s voice. The FBI’s here. I don’t relax, but I feel the warm curl of relief. I can get Connor now. I can get out of here. We’ve made it.
“I killed your son before I left,” Father Tom says. “With my own hands. And he died crying.”
The only thing that saves his life is Lustig shouting, at the same time, “We’ve got Connor, he’s safe!” And I take my finger off the trigger because I might still shoot, and the second the FBI agents arrive, I crouch down and put the gun on the ground and cover my face with my hands and scream, scream out the fury and frustration and overwhelming relief.
I feel Lustig’s hand heavy my shoulder. “Where’s Sam?” he asks.
I take a deep breath and look up at him. “Safe. SUV on the south side of the compound, where you stationed us. We got to him before he drowned. He’s safe.”
My voice breaks on that last, and I feel the first stirrings of real hope.
“Come on,” he says, and pats my back this time. “Let me take you to your son.”
We pass Father Tom lying on the ground, face in the dirt, screaming as the FBI handcuffs him. I’m glad I didn’t shoot him.
I want him to suffer.
29
GWEN
I never want to let my son out of the embrace I wrap around him. I hold him so close, for so long, that he finally squirms in discomfort, and I let go. “Dad—” he says. There are tears in his eyes. On his face. I gently wipe them away, even as I know he can see that I’m crying too.
“He’s on the way to the hospital,” I tell him. “He’s going to be okay. He’s cold, and he’s got a wound they need to treat. But he’s going to be all right.” I don’t know that, but I have to believe it. J. B.’s brought Lanny, Kez, and Javier, and I hug them all. I cling to Javier a little longer and say, “Without you, I’d have lost him.”
“Make sure you tell him that,” he says. “He was bitching about learning to scuba dive. Soon as he’s better, he has to take the full course. You too. You fumble around like a puppy.”
I laugh and hug him again. “I promise,” I tell him. “As soon as I get a few other things straight.”
He nods and takes Kezia back to the SUV. They want to take Connor in an ambulance, too; it’s a close fit inside, with the paramedic, the two of us, two women from the compound, and an FBI agent. Connor tells me the blonde woman is Sister Harmony, and a woman with a gunshot wound is Sister Rose. They look exhausted and disoriented, but Harmony looks at my son and says, “We did it.”
Connor nods. “Where are you going to go?”
Harmony blinks. “I—I don’t know.” She smiles, and I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anything like it before. Wonder and fear and hope all at once. “Somewhere else. Isn’t that amazing?”
Sam’s being rushed to surgery as we arrive, but he’s conscious enough to grab Connor’s hand on the way, and he gives us both a weak, too-pale smile. We have to stop at the door. It’s a long few hours in the waiting room with Kez, Javier, Lanny, and J. B., and I’m shocked to see Vee Crockett join us. “I was looking for you,” Connor says, and hugs her. “Where’d you go?”
“I got the fuck out,” she says, and slides a glance toward me. “Sorry. I had to ghost before they made me go back to foster care. They’re probably pretty mad.”
“Probably?” Connor snorts and shakes his head. “They’re going to come and get you. They want to talk to everyone who was in there. Including you.”
“Including you,” I repeat, staring at Vee. “How the hell did you get there?”
“She stole a truck,” Connor says. “She knows how to hot-wire cars. She did it to the RV and—”
I hold up a hand, still watching Vee Crockett. “I don’t want to know. You’re okay?”
She lifts one shoulder. “Sure.”
She isn’t, really. None of us are. But we’re all pretending hard.
She’s surprised when I hug her tight, and when she relaxes into it and hugs me back, I feel her shudder in relief. “I’m okay,” she whispers. This time, I think she means it.
Sam comes out of surgery without complications.
Two days later, we want to take him home, but Kez tells us that home probably isn’t where we need to go now. She shows us pictures. There’s an army of reporters camped by the lake. There’s graffiti on our garage door and the side of the house. Somebody’s broken out the front window and tossed in paint. We’re infamous. Again.
And I let it go. Finally, completely, I let it go. Norton. All the people wanting me to leave. My instinctive need for control, for defiance.
I don’t need Stillhouse Lake anymore. I have what I need right here. All around me.
J. B. facilitates the return of Remy Landry to his parents at the hospital, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen three people come alive like that. Remy is a shadow of the photos I’ve seen, down to skin and bones and raw will, but he’s survived the impossible. And so have his parents. I can see the joy ignite in all of them, and it makes me feel all this has almost, almost been worth that.
There are seven bodies retrieved from the pond at the first Assembly of Saints compound. Another ten emerge from the lake at Bitter Falls, including the body of Vernon Carr, the leader of the Wolfhunter cult, who’d run to Father Tom for protection. He hadn’t found the welcome he expected.
I get an anonymous postcard delivered to me via J. B. Hall’s offices. It’s handwritten in a childish scrawl, and it says, Thank u for my life. There’s a big, flowing D at the end. D for Daria. I don’t look at the postmark. I don’t want to know. I shred it.
We go to therapy twice a week. All five of us, including Vee. It helps.
Sam and I put in adoption papers. He’s adopting my kids, formally, as my partner. And we help Vee put in paperwork to become an emancipated minor. She’ll be staying with us, at least until she can find her own way. Lanny and Vee seem to gravitate toward each other like magnets, and yes, I worry about that. Vee’s got a long way to go to get to stable.
We definitely need to find a house big enough to contain the drama.
The last thing before we leave Stillhouse Lake, I handwrite a note and mail it to Lilah Belldene. It says, I keep my word.
I’m not surprised when I don’t get anything in reply. Life goes on. We have Father Tom’s trial to prep for. A new home to find.
And like Sister Harmony, I don’t know what’s coming next.
And that’s amazing.
SOUNDTRACK
Music inspires me and carries me forward through the long and sometimes difficult process of writing a book like this, with so much intensity and emotion. So here are the songs I’ve chosen that help me stay in the world with these characters. If you like them, please support the artists and buy their music.
“Monsters,” Shinedown
“Forever & Ever More,” Nothing But Thieves
“Split In Two,” Broken Hands
“What Happened to You,” Black Honey