In a blur of movement that could rival Phillipa on her best day, they both dashed forward and began to unload pocketful after pocketful of golden ring trinkets into Jane’s waiting hands.
Her breath caught and slowly she looked up at Raven.
“You were right, Jane. I pushed you away because I was afraid. I knew I’d lose you when it turned out that I wasn’t anyone anymore.”
“I don’t care about your title. I never have.”
He smiled and brushed her damp cheek with his fingertips. “I know. But your parents wouldn’t have let me marry you. If we went against their wishes, then you wouldn’t see your siblings and that would break your heart. So, I thought that I’d just say some terrible, unforgivable things and keep you at a safe distance from me, and close to them, then everyone would be content.”
“And that turned out swimmingly,” she said wryly as her heart fluttered painfully beneath her breast in anticipation.
“I’ve been going mad these past fourteen days. I deserved to be in hell after what I said. And I didn’t mean a word of it,” he said earnestly. “You’re not forgettable, Jane. I’ve spent every moment apart wishing you were. I’ve nearly torn down my house with a sledgehammer. I need you, every brilliant part of you.”
Trying not to let her heart overpower her thoughts again, and blocking out the sound of Ellie’s sighs, she said, “But I’ve brought you chaos since the moment we met. That, I’m afraid, is indisputable.”
“Only the best kind of chaos, the kind I can’t live without. And there’s something else I realized, too. My life is one massive locked cupboard without you. So, you’ve got to marry me.”
She sniffed and tears spilled down her smiling cheeks in a great flood. “Is that truly how you’re going to propose? I think it was more of a command than anything else.”
“How about this, then?” He lowered to one knee. “I love you, Jane Pickerington. It happened when you had your first epiphany. I didn’t want to ask what it was. Because if you’d have told me, right then and there, that you thought we should get married and have a big, chaotic family . . . well, then . . . I just might have carried you off that day.”
She was trembling now, shaking so much that some of the rings began to tumble from her hands, pinging and jingling to the floor. So, she sat down onto his knee, put her arms around his neck and let the buttons and rings fall in a clatter as she kissed him.
Then she whispered, “If that’s true, then I had an epiphany just now, too.”
Chapter 37
For the first time in his life, Raven was truly happy. He was filled with hope for the future. And, if he were honest, it was slightly terrifying.
He was so used to being a miserable, jaded cynic that he didn’t know what to do with this feeling. So, he reached for Jane’s hand and, when she squeezed his in return, he instantly relaxed.
She laughed brightly, looking away from the first flakes of downy snow falling outside the carriage window and back to him. “I cannot believe we’re dashing off to Gretna Green, while my parents are still asleep. I think Ellie is actually looking forward to telling them the news. She even borrowed my vinaigrette.”
Raven lifted her fingers to his lips and held her gaze. “I promise that you’ll get to see your siblings often, even if we have to steal inside the house.”
On the other hand, he didn’t think there would be any need to sneak around. He’d had a lengthy chat with Ruthersby and the baron had agreed to recant his claims about seeing Jane at Moll Dawson’s.
“I’m not worried any longer,” she said with scholarly certainty. “I have this strange sense of peace about it all, which requires no planning or overthinking whatsoever. Regardless of what happens tomorrow or the days that follow, I know that I’m precisely where I belong.”
He couldn’t resist stealing a kiss and lingering over her plum-sweet lips. He’d been such a fool to spend those days apart. And a fool not to trust her. He should have listened to her and fought like hell—as Sterling said—against his own demons.
A love like theirs was too precious to lock away. He’d never lose sight of that again.
Ending the kiss, he put his arm around her and snuggled her closer as she rested her head against the crook of his shoulder on a contented sigh.
“Do you mind if we make one stop along the way?” he asked, thinking about wasted time and all the unopened letters waiting on the table in his foyer.
She feigned a gasp of shock. “Was that actually a politely worded question?”
“Forget I asked,” he teased and called up to the driver to take them to St. James’s.
Less than a quarter hour later, they were standing at a black door, opened by a rather cross housekeeper who tapped her foot on the floor. “So ye’ve returned, ’ave ye? Took your time about it.”
“It’s a pleasure to see you, as well, Mrs. Bramly. Is my”—he stopped and cleared his throat—“is the earl at home this morning?”
“In the library. You know where it is.” She jerked her head toward the stairs, then tromped off in a snit.
As Jane walked up beside him, she whispered, “At least she doesn’t think you’re a ghost any longer.”
“No, she only wishes I was.”
The familiar sweet fragrance of old books greeted Raven as he stepped into the library through the partially opened doorway. Warrister was in his usual chair. But he wasn’t alone.
Herrington was there, too, hands braced on the mantel and his arms and shoulders tense as though he were in the midst of an argument.
At the sound of the door creaking, he turned his head, then sneered.
Warrister looked over at the same time and his countenance brightened with affection, tinged with a frown of scolding. “Here you are, at last. I’ve sent an invitation to your house every day for a fortnight.”
“My humblest apologies,” Raven said instantly, pleased to be here and even gladder that Jane was on his arm. “In fact, today is a day for apologies. As I confessed to Miss Pickerington earlier, I have recently realized that I tend to shut out the people I want most in my life when I fear I’m about to lose them. I’m afraid I did that with you, as well. But I am here to admit that I would like, very much, to remain in your life. No matter who I really am to you.”
“Of course, my boy. There’s never been a question of that.”
Herrington scoffed.
“Hush, nephew. Make peace with the fact that he is your family.”
“How can you say that, after everything I’ve told you?”
“Because there are many things I know, which you do not. However, I did not choose a public forum to air mine. That should serve as another lesson for you.” Warrister turned his attention to Jane. “Miss Pickerington, my deepest gratitude for the heartfelt correspondences, along with the parcel. With your assistance and research, I believe I’ve finally gained a complete understanding about the events that transpired so many years ago.”
“I was more than glad to be of assistance,” she said with a modest shrug. “I don’t like unanswered questions either.”
Raven looked at Jane with a measure of surprise. Apparently, even when they were apart, she’d been campaigning for him, believing in him. And all the while, he’d been a confounded idiot.