He reared back, his eyes wide. "Tom? No! Not only would I not do that but his fiancé would literally and truly dismember me."
I snapped my head up as his words struck me—and knocked my noggin against the door. "Fuck, that hurt," I muttered. "Wait a second. That was Tom? When did he get a Tesla?"
"That is not the point," Jory cried. "The point is, you thought I was cheating on you! You should know I'd never do that to you."
"But even when I know, and I should know, I don't really know," I replied. "It doesn't make sense but it's the only truth I know. I'm learning my way out of this hole but I'm still in it, babe. I'm still scared as hell that I'm not enough to keep someone happy, that there's something wrong with me."
"There's not a single thing wrong with you." Jory pried my arms open and pressed himself against me, tucking his head under my chin the way I liked and gliding his hands over my back in light circles. "You are working through heavy shit, and I'm so proud of you for coming here and asking the hard questions. I know it must've been excruciating to do that and I'm sorry you felt like you had no other option. And I realize it has nothing to do with me, just like my anxiety has nothing to do with you. It's who we are and how we are, and there's nothing wrong with us."
I let him hold me as those words gradually seeped in, as I became aware of the tension between my shoulder blades and up my neck, as I recognized the cool hardwood beneath my feet. My mouth was dry and there was an unavoidable hint of artificial blueberry flavoring on my tongue. Occasional creaks and rustles from the other side of the door told me Claude was still listening in but that didn't matter. I folded my arms around Jory's body and held him close.
"You want us to live together?" I asked.
"Yeah, I do," he replied. "I thought we could get a little place and make it our own. I wanted to get everything set and then surprise you with all my good news but I bungled it instead."
"And Tom? He helped you find an apartment?"
"I texted him this morning, right after my meeting with Lauren." Jory glanced up at me, a slight smirk on his face. "You were right, by the way. Everything went well, and she offered me a contract for next year and the position of science chair. Plus, there's a—"
"Science chair? That is amazing, babe," I said, cupping his cheeks in my hands. "I love that for you."
"It's gracious of you to refrain from saying I told you so." He glanced at my mouth, and I leaned in because I couldn't ignore a request like that. But I stopped before our lips met. "It would be good if you kissed me now," he whispered.
"Would it?" I replied. "Do you deserve a kiss because you had a good day? Or because you want to feel better about the misery I experienced at watching you hug some dude today?"
"He's hardly some dude," Jory said under his breath.
"I've spent the past few hours thinking that. It's going to take more than a couple of minutes to unwind it all." I traced the line of his upper lip with my thumb. "I'm starting to think I should make you suffer a bit."
"Promise?" he replied.
I closed the distance between us and captured his mouth with everything I had, all the fear and the love and the old hurts. I tasted him—and that horrible fake blueberry from the yogurt I'd binged—and those hurts didn't ache so much anymore.
Love didn't heal wounds or erase histories. It didn't make any of the bad shit go away or prevent it from coming around again. But love made it easier to stand up to those things. Love was there to lean on when times were tough and it was a soft place to land when the world was overwhelming. Love opened its arms to anxiety and fear and all the other broken bits we carried with us and said, "You can put that down now."
"I'm so sorry you went through these things this afternoon," Jory said between kisses. "I'm sorry I did that to you."
Since I intended to make good on that punishment, the one that wasn't a punishment at all but rather me working out some possessive energy on Jory and him reaping the benefits, I bit his bottom lip and shoved my fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry I reacted this way and busted your surprise. Someday, I won't even blink when I see you hugging a strange guy and getting in a strange car because every single ounce of me will know better than to doubt you're cooking up something good."
"Speaking of which." He tipped his head toward the desk. "The reason I was with Tom and ignoring your texts is he knew of an apartment coming on the market that would be perfect for us. He wanted me to see it today before it was opened up to brokers. And it is, it's perfect for us. Top floor in a triple-decker. The entire top floor! Max, seriously, you'd go crazy for this place. It's two bedrooms which is great so we have can have some extra space for an office-slash-exercise-room or something. It has an updated kitchen and new bathrooms and in-unit laundry. Off-street parking is included in the rent and there's even a little shared backyard."
"Anywhere is an improvement over Mallori's basement but where is this?"
"It's in Jamaica Plain, right between the Southwest Corridor Park and the Harvard Arboretum. Think about all the walks we could take! You might even convince me to jog one of these days."
I smiled at his sparkling eyes. "There's a library in that neighborhood."
"Oh, I know," he replied. "I could walk to the library, Max. Isn't that incredible?"
"You liked it?"
"So much," he answered, almost breathless. "You would too. I'm sure of it. But Tom needs to know tonight if we want it. He said he can pull some strings and waive some broker magic to get our application in first."
"I love you," I said, punctuating those words with a kiss. "And I want to work at being in love with you for a long time. I want to cheer you on at work, and I want to smack your ass at home every night. I need to get better at trust and be better at boundaries." I gestured to my bare feet and the room around us. "As you can see, I have a lot of work to do there."
Jory laughed as he dropped his forehead to my chest. "I want all of that too."
"Then let's call your secret boyfriend up and get us an apartment," I said.
Despite the fact he was laughing, he said, "That is not funny."
"Maybe not to anyone else but we're allowed a second of dark humor, babe." I surveyed the room as he grabbed his phone. "After you're finished with Tom, you're packing a bag and coming back to Mal's with me. I know it's not awesome in the basement but I want to be with you tonight." I cut a glance toward the door. "And I don't want Claude listening."
Jory made a sour face at the door. "Don't mind him. He's just salty because I told him I'd be moving out this summer."
"You already gave notice? Even before telling me about this apartment? Even before getting the apartment?"
He gave a sweet, boyish shrug that cracked my chest wide open and dug my heart out in one scoop. It was Jory's now and that was it. "I knew I'd find a way to make this work, and for once, I didn't stop to bleed over every last detail of it."