“Yeah,” I answer, looking away because frankly, I can’t look him in the eyes right now. I’m too afraid he might see something in my face, that I might give myself away.
Do I have feelings for him? No.
But do I think he’s extremely attractive? I would be stupid not to think so.
“You seem tense. And that whole teat thing . . .”
“That was weird, huh?” I ask, kicking dirt.
“Just a tad.” He comes up next to me but keeps his distance. “Your grandma is nice. I like her.”
“She’s pretty cool.”
He grows quiet for a few seconds before saying, “My grandma, who I was close with, passed away a few years ago. Your grandma reminds me of her so”—he shrugs—“I’m sorry if I’ve been hogging her this morning.”
And just like that, Rath Westin earns another piece of my heart, a small piece, but another piece at that.
“You don’t need to apologize,” I say, letting the tension fall from me when I realize that he was enjoying my grandma’s company rather than just being nice.
“You seemed upset about it. Thought I should.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and in this moment, he doesn’t reflect the ostentatious businessman in the high-rise building. Instead, he looks like the everyday man trying to get from day to day. It’s a stark contrast from what I’m used to seeing from him. I like it.
A lot.
“Well, thank you, I appreciate it, but an apology’s not necessary.” I nod toward the rec center. “You most likely made my grandma’s birthday. She’s young at heart if you can’t tell.”
“That’s obvious.” He chuckles. It’s quiet, but it’s there, and for the first time since I’ve known him, I can say that chuckle was for me and not for anyone else. “She’s very vibrant. I see where you get it from.”
“You think I’m vibrant?”
He tilts his head to the side. “You are undoubtedly the most vibrant person I know and that’s saying something because I’m pretty sure Bram shits rainbows.”
I tap my chin. “So, if he shits out rainbows, what do I crap?”
He shakes his head. “I have no fucking clue and I don’t want to know.”
“TMI?”
“Yep.”
Sighing, I start to travel around the small garden. Rath follows behind me but still keeps his distance. “I remember when they were putting this koi pond in. The residents were so excited, until they realized how expensive koi are.”
Rath glances at the pond. “There are no fish?”
“Yeah, exactly. They just like to hear the sound of the water trickling, but there are no fish. The residents pretend they’re there.”
Rath furls his brow as he stares at it.
“And do you see these rocks over here? They were supposed to be stone chairs but budget cuts left them as rocks instead, so not many residents get to sit out here.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because,” I say, rounding the circle and coming back to the entrance of the rec center. “Despite the downfalls of their idea”—I point to a little old man who’s sitting in his walker with giant sunglasses over his face—“there are still some residents that find beauty in the area. Just like my grandma. She might be a little crazy and forthright, but she finds beauty in everything. She taught me that. No matter the circumstance, there has to be beauty somewhere.” I look up at Rath and notice how baffled he looks. Makes me think back to that first day in his office. It was a week ago but feels so much longer now. Everything was dark . . . monochrome. Lacking in . . . beauty. “You don’t view the world like that, do you?”
He shakes his head. “I view the world as numbers and equations. Someone is always calculating something to get ahead of the game, to screw over the next person. That’s why I’m always working, so I’m never caught up in someone else’s equation.” Equations? I know you have to be shrewd to be a billionaire like Rath is, but surely there’s more to life than equations and avoiding being screwed over . . . unless . . . unless that’s why there is only equations and work.
I give him a sad smile. “Someone hurt you, didn’t they?”
He looks to the side and then down at his watch. Avoidance, an excuse to bolt is coming. I can feel it. And just like clockwork, he says, “I better get going. I’ll send Joel to get you when you’re done.”
Resigning to his unwillingness to open up, I say, “It’s his off day. I’ll take the ferry. I’m fine.”
He doesn’t fight it. I see the choice of flight form. One serious question and he wants out of here as soon as possible.
“I’ll say goodbye to your grandma on my way out. See you tomorrow.” He gives me a curt nod and then takes off.
“Bright and early,” I say with a smile, but he doesn’t say anything back. Instead, he makes his way through the rec center and I huff out a sigh of frustration.
Too much, too soon, Charlee. Who could have possibly had the power to hurt him so significantly?
“Hey Grandma. Yes, I got home safe.”
“No, that’s not why I’m calling,” she says into the phone, crying hysterically, sending my entire body into red-alert mode. I pop off the couch and start throwing on my shoes, forgetting I’m not even wearing pants.
“What’s wrong? I’m on my way.”
“Why are you on your way?”
“Because you’re crying. I’ll take a sick day tomorrow. Whatever it is, just tell me what happened. Is it . . . Earl? Is his heart okay?” I might have become friends with some of the residents. They’re family at this point.
“No, Chuckie, it’s the koi pond. There are finally koi in it.”
“Wait, what?” I pause, one shoe on, the other halfway hanging off my foot. “There are fish in the koi pond?”
“Yes. And that beautiful man of a boss you have donated them to the senior center in my name, along with three benches to sit around the pond so we can observe our new friends. They’re being installed as we speak. He left me a card that says, ‘Happy birthday. Thank you for letting me spend your special day with you.’ Isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard?” I fall to my couch, all the blood in my body draining away as my grandma continues. “We’re beside ourselves over here. We’ve already started making a list of names for the fish. We’re going to be very particular about what we call them, but I can tell you right now, the most handsome of them all will be called Rath. That’s something I won’t budge on.”
Rath bought my grandma fish?
And benches?
My heart squeezes in my chest from the unexpected thought and gesture the rough and cold man made.
The next five minutes is spent listening to my grandma gush on the phone, but it goes in one ear and out the other. Because all I can focus on is the contradictory soul I have to face tomorrow. How I have to act as if everything is normal, as if he didn’t just crack me open and spread warmth and joy through my veins by such a considerate gift.
He made my grandma cry, and whether that’s from joy or sadness, it’s still rare. She's going to name a fish after him. My boss. And that’s why he’s a man I need to work harder to keep emotional distance from. That man, the considerate, thoughtful man, is far too dangerous for my heart. When I face Rath tomorrow, he can’t know he has that sort of power over me. He can’t know that if I wasn’t this strong, he’d probably own three very small pieces of my heart. If I wasn’t strong. But I am.