He settled across from me, lowering his weight onto the coffee table. “Your makeup’s running.”
I blinked as he gently angled my chin and traced a warm, wet washcloth across my cheek. His touch was tender, nurturing, and so contrary to the man he was a few minutes ago.
“There are people in our lives, Avery…” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and continued to wash away my ruined makeup. “…who we feel an attachment to, but need to cut off for our own good.”
He could be referring to Noah or my mother. Both had drained my emotional reservoir. My mother’s demand for money was infuriating, mostly because I went through hell to help her so many times and she couldn’t even spare a thank you.
But Noah … that look in his eyes as he turned away from me five minutes ago… It depleted something inside of me, something I was already low on and needed very much.
Micah’s dark eyes looked into mine, always so patient and guiding. They were wise eyes.
“I know it’s hard to cut people out, Avery. I have friends from the Badlands, friends I’ve known since childhood and loved very much, but it’s for my own good that I don’t see them anymore.”
The Badlands were in North Philly, between Kensington and Broad and not a place anyone wanted to get stranded. An open-air drug market, segmented by dingy buildings, streets covered in litter, and abandoned lots people now overlooked like birthmarks. Even sunlight was sparse on the Badlands, as the rails ran overhead casting shadows in the day and whining with the constant rattle and screech of trains.
Micah didn’t look like a person who belonged there. He looked like the shiny politician that promised to clean up the community. But no politician had made that failing vow in a long time. Many believed the Badlands were unsalvageable. It seemed Micah felt the same, lumping the people and the place into one.
“Did you live there?”
“Until I was seventeen. One day, I woke up and decided I could leave and find a better life or stay and die in a place where life seems impossible, and death is so common it’s often overlooked. I wanted to mean something in this world, so I packed a bag and got as far as I could. I had a few dollars on me, but not enough to rent a room or take a cab. I slept on the streets for a bit. I did some unsavory things to make money. But by the time I was twenty-four, that kid I left behind was gone. I don’t think about him much. I no longer resemble him or recognize him as me. And I certainly have no desire to revisit the world he left behind. But I didn’t just abandon my home. I lost some people I loved. I had no choice. If I wanted to get out permanently, I had to make that the final goodbye.”
“Are you telling me this because of the money I borrowed?”
Micah knew very little about my upbringing in Blackwater, but he knew enough to recognize the similarities in our backgrounds.
“You didn’t borrow that money, Avery. I gave it to you, and I don’t want you bringing it up again. Understand?”
I nodded even if I didn’t fully agree. That money went beyond our agreement. But that had been a situation I couldn’t resolve on my own. It humiliated me to ask him, but, as always, he was a gentleman.
“I’m telling you this because you have a good heart. That’s going to get you in trouble if you don’t stick to your plan. You have less than one semester left. The world is about to open up to you. I’ve watched you recreate yourself for three years. You’re not that mousey girl from Blackwater anymore. Avery Mudd is gone. You’re Avery Johansson now, a woman who knows the taste of fine champagne, the feel of Egyptian sheets, and all the luxuries she deserves. Look around. This is who you are. Don’t tie yourself to those who can’t fathom how far you’ve come.”
My brow pinched as my gaze skated over the crown moldings and granite countertops. Yes, Avery Johansson earned all of this. But Avery Dean Mudd lived here too.
She was the uncultured, little girl who dressed up in high heels and fancy clothes and pretended to be someone better when no one important was looking. Avery Mudd wasn’t a woman at all, just a scared little girl wishing to be loved.
Noah didn’t love me. He liked fucking me. I liked fucking him, too, so it worked. But he was my friend—had been. As much as I didn’t want him to see who I was hiding inside, a part of me wished for the courage to show him. The fear of losing him held me back. But that wasn’t an issue anymore.
Just like I warned, he drew a line in the sand and made me choose between him and work. He didn’t realize how much I was indebted and that I couldn’t simply walk away. Maybe I was the fool for thinking I was in control of my life.
Every thought of him hurt my heart until the pressure in my chest became unbearable. “If you mean Noah, I don’t think he’ll be interfering in my life after what just happened.”
“He’ll be back—once his ego heals. But this time don’t be so quick to let him in, Avery. Sometimes detours only lead to trouble.”
I had some decisions to make. Micah had been patient since making his offer, but he wouldn’t tolerate being put off for another man, especially one I had an emotional involvement with. And if Noah was right and I was just a scorpion, maybe the wisest thing I could do would be to take Micah up on his offer.
I suddenly felt exhausted and defeated. All of this time, I kept telling myself a respectable career, and honest income would change who I was, but maybe nothing could. Switching my name from Mudd to Johansson certainly hadn’t erased any secrets. It merely hid them.
Micah knew me better than most, and he was willing to overlook my past, perhaps because he had a tarnished history as well. Maybe we were better suited for each other than we realized, two hardened scorpions pretending to be civilized. At least with him, I’d know I was safe. I trusted our agreement, and if I took up his offer, I never had to fear being alone.
He took my hands in his, and I braced for the hard truth I sensed coming. “To him, you’re a plaything, a hobby. When you give away something of value for free, it becomes a little less precious each day. He’s young and handsome, and I’m sure charming on some level, but he’s temporary, Avery. Don’t let one transient relationship derail your path when you’ve come this far. Stay focused on the goal, and you’ll get everything you ever wanted.”
My chest constricted. Everything Noah and I shared turned to ash the moment he looked up at me with blood in his eye and called me a scorpion.
My head lowered as I blinked back tears, refusing to let them fall in Micah’s presence. “You’re right. I need to concentrate on graduating and start thinking about where I go from here.”
“There’s the smart woman I know.” He lifted my chin, his eyes watchful. “The ache’s temporary, love. You’ll see.” He kissed my fingertips and stood. “I’m going to say goodnight now.”
I stood and followed him to the door. I wasn’t going back in the hall, but there was a sort of protocol Micah, and I shared. I still had to honor that.
I walked him to the door. “Good night, Micah.”
He brushed a finger down my cheek and stared into my eyes. “We were interrupted earlier, so I’m going to give this another try. Stay still.” His head lowered and breath held in my lungs as his warm lips pressed into mine.