Tim, the new guy was a vet and had his own practice. Of course he had a dog and the man just happened to look like a Greek god with a soft spot for animals.
Anya had been out with him five times already and was now contemplating whether a breakfast meeting counted as a date.
“It counts. People meet for breakfast all the time as dates.” I giggled.
Anyone who looked at me would think I’d gone crazy and forgotten my current situation, or that I deserved an academy award for best actress.
I personally thought it was both.
I had gone crazy in my situation and this version of myself that sat before my friend was the mask that deserved the award.
I’d gone to see her to prep to say goodbye to her.
Goodbye for now.
I was certain that Pa would make some arrangement for her to see me somehow and hopefully she could come to the wedding.
The wedding…
I shuddered at the thought. I had a wedding that was mine. I was getting married in less than a month to a man I hated and the man I wanted to be with was some kind of secret agent who had come for my father. My father, the monster. The mafia king who was taking away my choice and rights.
I laughed completely off key at the craziness of it.
Anya narrowed her eyes at me because she hadn’t said anything funny and there I was laughing.
“Jia, you okay? I didn’t say anything funny at all.” She giggled a little and the sound reminded me of our silly girly giggle attacks we used to have when we were kids. Ma used to find it funny how we could laugh at nothing in particular and laugh to the point of tears. It annoyed the hell out of Pa something fierce.
“Oh…” was all I could say. That must have sounded odd too.
What would be more strange was what I had to tell her and the fact that we’d sat here for an hour talking about Tim, or rather me listening to her drool over Tim, while I had so much to tell her.
She blinked and looked me over. The expression on her face became more concerned and it was like she just knew I wasn’t okay.
“What’s up my friend?” she asked.
I smiled. It was a fake smile, but without the fake intention. It was as if someone asked me to smile but there was nothing to smile for.
Where did I begin?
“Um…” Well at least that was some start. It was something. It showed I intended to talk about what was going on with me. I did. I had to. If there was more time though I might delay telling her my problems so we could enjoy that she was so happy with Tim.
I was the kind of friend who loved when her friends were happy and I thought it was nice to take the time to be excited together over whatever that thing was, no matter how big or small.
A new dress, a new man, some item of makeup, something to do with hair. Anything.
Tears pulled at my eyes and a wayward one escaped.
“Jia… what’s up, you’re scaring me.” Anya reached across the table and covered my hands with hers.
I blew out a sharp breath, dabbed at the corners of my eyes and stared at her.
“A lot has happened since we last spoke.” I sighed.
“It looks that way. I’m sorry I wasn’t around. I feel bad. It’s like I ditched you.”
“No.” I moved my hands to hers now to give her a gentle squeeze. “No, it’s so good to hear you talk about a guy the way you are. It makes me so happy. It’s what I want for you. I want you to be happy and be with someone who deserves you. It’s been too long with you being with someone who didn’t.” It was years of her and Marc.
She couldn’t cut his cheating ass loose because she’d loved him. I understood that but it didn’t mean I couldn’t still want the best for her.
“Thank you, Jia. I like Tim. He’s great and we seem to be into each other a lot. It seems promising and I’m excited, but I’m worried about you again. I guess I hoped things would take off for you and Xander.” She gave me a saucy smile. “Especially after that kiss.”
That kiss she’d seen seemed like such a long time ago now.
He’d kissed me at the coffeehouse. She saw and I felt like just maybe things would be okay.
Promising was what they’d been and they were for maybe a handful of days.
That was all we’d had. Days.
I shook my head. “No, it didn’t work out.”
I took a breath. A deep one and then I told her everything.
Usually I held back on some stuff when we talked. This time I told her what was relevant and could be classed as everything to do with me. So I left out the part about Xander being after Pa, but I told her that Pa threatened to have him killed if I kept seeing him.
On this occasion I knew something of weight was needed, to explain why I wasn’t going to fight for the man I wanted to be with.
Truth be told that was the explanation of why. Although there would have been a lot more to factor in with Xander’s secret. By the time I finished both of us were drying our eyes.
“Your father can’t do that Jia, it’s so wrong.” She shook her head.
“I know, but I don’t know what to do other than what I’m told.”
“God… and this is happening on Monday. You’re leaving on Monday?” Her voice came out in a hurried babble.
I nodded.
“Monday. Yes. That’s when I leave.”
Pa had even given Armand our travel details and the other day he told me to do whatever shopping I needed to and see my friends to say my goodbyes.
It was really happening.
“Jia. This is …” She stopped mid-sentence and brought her hands together. “I know how things work in your family and who your father is. Over the years I’ve tried to just be as supportive as I can but it’s been hard. This is the worst. I feel as helpless as I did when your Ma died. Like I can’t do anything to make it right.”
I appreciated her words.
In all these years I knew one thing was for certain and that was our friendship.
I had her. She was the kind of person who you could talk to and not tell the full story, but she’d listen. In my case she knew that there was more to tell and I was being selective. She knew that what I’d shared was what I could share.
“This helps.” I gave her the first genuine smile of the day.
“How am I supposed to watch you marry that creep? Really Jia? The same way you want good for me, I want that for you too. Hope sparked my heart when I saw Xander. You looked happy.” She nodded with keen determination.
“I was… Anya, please don’t worry about me. It felt like the world ended when Ma was killed. I think it kind of did. It crumbled as I’d watched, but I bounced back. Somehow I found strength from somewhere and bounced back. I have to do the same now. I guess in comparison to what happened to Ma this is minor.”
She brought her hands to her cheeks and sighed. Her lips parted and she closed her eyes for a few seconds then opened them again.
“I’m here for you.”
Those were words that I’d hold on to. “I know.”
We ordered some milkshakes.
The sort that should cheer you up but I couldn’t finish mine. Two sips and I was full.
I hadn’t had much of an appetite in days.
I left her with the promise to call her when I got home later.