“Something is.”
She shook her head, her gaze not meeting mine. It had been like that for days, and it was getting worse. She could barely look at me. Sure, she’d put on my cream and feed me pills until I rattled, wash my body down, but she didn’t look at me anymore. It was like she was in physical pain every time she tried to.
I grabbed at her hand, forcing her to drop the cup of water onto the floor. She let out a small yelp of pain as I squeezed just hard enough to get her damn attention. And when I did, when her eyes finally reached mine, tears were brimming in them and a whole world of pain was overflowing. I let go of her hand immediately and she scuttled away as quickly as she could, leaving the room before I could attempt to apologize. The door slammed behind her and I was left with just the scent of her shampoo and the feeling that something wasn’t right with her.
Not my problem though, I told myself.
It was her little fuckboy boyfriends.
Whatever she did now was nothing to do with me…
I swallowed, wishing she’d come back so I could apologize for scaring her.
Hadn’t meant to grab her so hard.
Hadn’t meant to frighten her and make her run from me.
Hadn’t meant to do an awful lot of things, but it seemed I was destined to keep fucking up wherever Belle was concerned.
I switched my attention back to the TV, my mind going elsewhere while the pictures moved before my eyes. I was back at the barn. Echo and I were laughing and joking, and then he was gone. A puff of dark smoke and his body was dust on the ground, and I was staring down at him wondering what had just happened.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I listened to the voices that surrounded me. Feeling the ropes around my wrists, the knives jutting painfully out of various parts of my body. One in the top of my thigh, just above the artery. One in my side, missing my vital organs. Nails were being pulled from my fingers. A blowtorch to my chest, melting my tattoos away from my skin. The prickles of barbed wire as it was scraped down my back.
My breathing became heavy. I sucked in breath after breath, needing air but not finding any. All I could taste, all I could smell, was fire and animals burning alive. Skin melted, hair sizzling. I clutched at my chest, hearing horses screaming at me to move.
But I couldn’t move.
I was trapped in this moment.
Trapped in this place.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever escape this hell.
I might have still been alive, but I’d died that day, and the man that filled my bones wasn’t a man at all anymore.
Chapter Nine
~ Belle ~
I scurried over to the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind me and placing my back against it. Tears threatened to spill down my face, but I swiped them away as quickly as I could. This was what I had become now. This was what I had turned into. I hated my life so much and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could do to change a single thing.
I was trapped between helping Beast heal and knowing that I would have to kill him.
Carlos and Mateo had come to my trailer again the previous night, wanting to know information. But I had nothing—absolutely nothing to give them. All I’d done the past two weeks was look after Beast and think. I wasn’t really allowed out into the clubhouse, and Beast and I didn’t talk, so there was just no way for me to tell them any of the things they wanted to know.
But I’d have to give them something soon or they were going to hurt me. That much I knew. And I didn’t just mean by bruising my skin. That, they’d already done. They would hurt my heart. They’d threatened Jenna and Gregory, and even though she didn’t want anything to do with me at the moment, I still loved her and wanted to keep her safe, even if it meant getting myself killed.
I pulled up my top, revealing the dark bruise that was forming on my stomach from where Mateo had hit me. I hadn’t been able to eat a thing since because the dull ache made me feel sick constantly. Thank God that Beast and I didn’t talk anymore, because I wasn’t sure how many words I could get out without the pain in my voice being obvious.
Pushing my top back down, I splashed water on my exhausted face, dreading going back out there and seeing Beast. I hated looking at him, knowing that I knew who had done this to him. Knowing that I would be the one to deliver the final blow. It was hell to me. Not the pain, not just the fear, but the betrayal. I’d been betrayed my whole life, and now I was doing it to someone else.
I was worse than pond scum.
I’d thought several times about trying to speak to Shooter or Beast and tell them what was going on, but I backed down every time. The way Beast looked at me, filled with hate and anger, I wasn’t sure that he’d believe me. And if he did…he might think Lorenzo had something to do with it and kill him. It would be another thing on my already overflowing conscience.
I pouted at my reflection, pulling my hair up into a high bun and wincing as I stretched and my stomach muscles cried out in pain. Tears filled my eyes again, but I refused to let them fall. I didn’t deserve to cry. I wasn’t worthy of those tears, because I was the villain in the story now.
Leaving the bathroom, I headed back to Beast’s room. With my hand on the handle, I turned when I heard my name being called. Looking around, I saw one of the women that always hung around the club standing at the makeshift bar area, waving to me.
It was the same woman that I’d seen having sex with Beast that night, and I felt something akin to pain and jealousy combined in my heart. She waved me over and I sighed, not wanting to talk to her or anyone but already knowing that it might be my way to get information. If I befriended her then I’d have a reason to be out there more often. If I had a reason to be out there more often…
I plastered on a fake smile and walked toward her, trying to mask the pain I felt running through my stomach with every painful step.
“Hey, girl!” she said, pulling me into a painful hug. I winced and she let me go with a worried look. “Sorry, I’m a hugger,” she laughed. “Fragile little thing aren’t you? You okay?”
I smiled back. “I have a tummy ache, sorry. I’m fine.”
“I’m Lola,” she said, holding out a hand this time, and I shook it.
“Belle,” I replied. “I think we’ve met once before actually.”
She cocked her head. “We have? I don’t remember, and I’m normally pretty good with faces.”
I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. “I walked in on you and Beast at the hospital,” I admitted sheepishly.
Lola didn’t seem like the sort of woman to be shy or blush, but she looked away, her smile faltering momentarily. “Yeah, umm, sorry about that.”
I put a hand on her arm. “Oh no, it’s fine. I should have knocked. Totally my fault.”
“How’s he doing in there?” she asked, a strange look on her face.
“He’s okay. He’s healing.” I shrugged. I needed to give her more. I needed to open up the conversation, but I wasn’t sure how. A secret spy I was not.
“That’s good. That man has been through so much.” She twirled her straw around in her drink thoughtfully. “You heard what happened to him, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah,”
“Of course you did! You’re his nurse.” She giggled like she was a schoolgirl, and I envied that laugh—how carefree it sounded. “It was awful. So awful. He and Echo were like brothers. I mean, they were in terms of the brotherhood an’ all, but I mean, Beast really saw him as his brother. Not to mention all the torturing they did to Beast, but I think that’s the thing that hurts him the most: the loss of Echo.”