But the man is still so gorgeous it takes my breath away.
He shoves his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and looks at his feet. His voice is low and uncharacteristically hesitant. “So. You read it.”
Sniffling, I nod. It’s about all I can manage.
He glances up at me, examines my expression in silence, then looks down again, drawing a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I know it’s…a lot. I wasn’t sure…Liam suggested…” He trails off, muttering a curse under his breath. “If you want to leave, I’ll understand.”
“Leave? Are you kidding me?”
He jerks his head up and stares at me without blinking. It could be hope I see in his eyes, or it could be terror, considering the combo sob-wail that just left my mouth. It sounded frightening, even to me.
I try to compose myself a little, but fail. More sob-wails are forthcoming.
“Killian. My god. This letter.” I wave it hysterically around in the air. “This letter ripped my heart out. It burned my soul down. It tore me to pieces!”
His dark brows draw slowly together. He waits, looking confused.
I can barely speak, so I just fling open my arms and keep sobbing.
He’s on me in a flash, taking me into his arms and pressing me back onto the mattress, giving me his full, delicious weight. Then he’s kissing me all over my wet face.
I throw my arms around his big shoulders and cry into his neck.
His chuckle is low and husky. “Does this mean you’re okay with being in love with a spy?”
“Yes. Are you okay with being in love with a thief?”
He raises his head and looks at me with warm, shining eyes, framing my face in his big hands. He says softly, “Aye, lass. More than okay. It’s better than I could’ve dreamed.”
The way he’s looking at me makes me burst into a fresh round of tears.
He rolls over to his back, taking me with him, and holds me tightly against his body. He rubs a hand slowly up and down my spine until the wails taper off and I’m only gulping breaths instead of impersonating a banshee.
Against his shoulder, I whisper, “I can’t believe it. All these years…all the danger…how did you survive?”
“I’m me.”
I hear the shrug in his voice and want to pound a fist on his arrogant chest. Instead, I start weakly laughing.
“That’s better.” He kisses the top of my head. “For a minute there, I thought I’d have to call my friend at the psych ward at Boston Medical and tell him to bring over a straightjacket.”
“I mean, can you blame me?”
His chest expands with his slowly drawn breath. “No. But…”
I lift my head and stare down at him, horrified. “But what? Oh god. What else could you possibly have to tell me?”
“I spoke to your father.” He winces at my expression. “That’s not the worst part.”
I say slowly, “What’s the worst part?”
“I might have told him I’d send him pictures of our kids. You know. When we have them.”
I can feel myself blinking like an owl, but I can’t stop it. Maybe we’re going to need that straightjacket after all.
Killian says quickly, “Or I could just send him photos I cut out of a magazine. He won’t know the difference.” He pauses. “Sorry, are you going to say anything soon?”
“I’m still processing the kids part.”
He gently brushes the hair off my face. “I’d like a big family,” he murmurs. “But if you don’t want kids, that’s okay, too. I want you more than I want children. I want you more than anything.”
I feel a sob working its way up my throat. I have to swallow several times to choke it down. I drop my head onto his chest and listen to the slow, steady beat of his beautiful heart.
He says, “I’m meeting with him Tuesday at ten o’clock.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, not sure if I should laugh or start crying again. “This just keeps getting better and better.”
“I’m telling you because I don’t want there to be any lies between us. By omission or otherwise.”
“I feel like a white lie or two would be okay. Like if I say, ‘Does my ass look fat in these jeans?’ you should say, ‘No. Your ass always looks amazing.’ Even if my ass looks like an elephant’s backside.”
“Your ass would look amazing, even if it was the size of an elephant’s backside.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re afraid I’m about to poke out your eyeballs for meeting with my father.”
When he chuckles, I lift my head and stare at him. “It’s not necessary. Plus, it’s dangerous. He’ll try to put a bullet in your chest the second he sets eyes on you.”
“Aye. No doubt of that. But I’ve got a few things on the agenda besides asking for your hand in marriage.”
When I lift my brows, he says, “Like how he shouldn’t try to expand his operations into Boston when I retire, or I’ll give my contacts at the FBI enough evidence of his smuggling, racketeering, and drug trafficking activities to send him to prison for life.”
I shove myself up onto my palms and lock my elbows, staring down at him in shock. He misinterprets my expression.
“I know. I’m conflicted about it. He really should be behind bars, but he’s going to be family. It feels weird that I’d be the one to put him away. How can we tell the kids that dad ratted out grandpa?”
This entire conversation is making my head spin. “That’s not what I’m freaking out about.”
“What are you freaking out about?”
I say deliberately, “Retire?”
“From the gangster business,” he says, nodding. “I don’t think I’ll have time for it anymore, considering I’m taking on some new responsibilities. Looking after you is a full-time job.” He gives me a squeeze, smiling. “You do have a tendency to get into trouble.”
I give up.
I collapse onto his chest. He rolls me to my back, throws a leg over both of mine, and kisses me deeply, his hand around my throat so he can feel my pulse go haywire.
When we come up for air, I whisper, “You’re impossible.”
“If ‘impossible’ is code for ‘amazing,’ I agree.”
“It’s not code for amazing. Please kiss me again before you say something that pisses me off.”
He chuckles. “I see a lot of kissing in my future.”
I pull his head down, laughing softly against his lips. “One can only hope.”
We kiss again, this time even more deeply. When I start to squirm impatiently beneath him, he knows what I want. He murmurs, “You’re hurt, love.”
Love. I will never, ever get tired of hearing him call me that.
But I can’t tell him that, because his head is far too big already.
Tugging at the hem of his T-shirt, I grouse, “I’m not the only one about to be hurt here. If you’re not naked in five seconds, I’m liable to do something drastic.”
He pretends to be shocked. “You? Drastic? Never.”
“C’mon. Off with all of it. Hurry.”
He fights himself for about two seconds, then gives in with a grin. He rises to his knees, pulls his T-shirt over his head and tosses it away, and yanks open the fly on his jeans.