I kiss her again, softly, sweetly, noting the way the edges of her lips curl with a grin before she opens her eyes.
When we hit her bedroom door, I consider following her inside. I already broke the rule of sleeping with a woman in my bed with her a few nights ago, so it seems like a rudimentary concern at this point. Still, there’s a conflict in my chest that is nearly impossible to silence—exchanges between my parents and advice given from my father and grandad and dozens of unsolicited requests about how you can’t move too fast, give too much, or expect a lot because each will lead to disappointment and all are inevitable.
Chloe reaches for me, smoothing a crease in my forehead with her finger. Her brows are cinched, and for a second, I recognize the expression, have seen it a thousand times when she and Vanessa look at each other, only with them it’s as though they can each tune in to the same wavelength and understand each other’s thoughts. It can be eerie and strange as shit when the two don’t say a word and suddenly burst into laughter. Still, I know she’s checking in with me, recognizing the change in my demeanor and mood.
Fucking expectations.
Fucking rules.
I nod and then bend to kiss her. “Have a good night.”
She smiles. “You too.”
I turn, heading the rest of the way to my room. Inside, I flip on the lights, feeling restless and agitated. I consider forgoing sleep altogether and heading up to the gym to workout. This trip has sent my work outs into overdrive as regret and vulnerability tread a close line that constantly leaves me off-kilter. Instead, I sit at the table in my room and turn on my laptop, opening all the spreadsheets I need to be going over for tomorrow.
An hour later, a knock at my door has me crossing the room, my chest betraying my mind. On the other side is Chloe, her lips set in a slash. Her hair is wet, and she’s wearing a pair of shorts and a red Brighton T-shirt. “This was in my purse,” she says, handing me an envelope.
I stare at it but don’t touch it. “It’s yours.”
“I don’t want it.” She shoves it against my chest.
“Why not?”
“Because it makes me feel like a whore.”
“It’s your winnings.”
“That I won with your money.”
“So?”
“I told you I didn’t want it.” She begins to turn around, and I tag her waist, all of the fears and advice that had rained down on me a mere hour ago gone as I stare at the anger and hurt swirling in her green eyes. I toss the money onto the nearby couch so I can place both hands on her.
“That’s fair. I overstepped, and I’m sorry.”
Her body relaxes under my touch, but her eyes remain hard as she glances back at the money spilling out of the envelope.
“I have a balcony and an entire wall of windows you can stargaze at.”
Her eyes shift to me and then over my shoulder, looking at the room.
“I’m going to take a shower, and if you’re up for it, I’d like you to stay tonight. Just be here with me.”
She meets my gaze. “You’ll wake me up when you get up so I can go back to my room?”
“If you want me to.”
She nods.
I press a kiss to her temple. “I’ll be right out.”
Under the hot spray of the shower, my thoughts clear as the memory of Chloe gripping the rail and standing in front of me replays in my mind. The glint of excitement, the way she bit her bottom lip with anticipation as her eyes had darkened and desire guided her. God, she was fucking beautiful—perfect. I shudder, my cock strained and desperate for her again. I turn the water to cold.
She was a virgin.
Regardless of how big of a deal this feels to me, I know it’s an even bigger deal to her.
I dry off before wrapping the plush towel around my waist, finding Chloe in a chair she moved beside the window. I grab a pair of underwear and drop my towel, pulling them on as I ask, “What made you decide to study astronomy?”
She turns, her gaze crossing over my torso and the rest of my body. She swallows. I would high five myself if she weren’t here to witness it, relieved I affect her in the same fucking manner she does me each time I see her. “I’ve always been mesmerized by the sky—the moon, the sun, the stars, how our planet can provide so many things for us…” She shakes her head. “I’ve always been kind of a geek for it, and when I was thirteen, my grandparents sent me to space camp as my Christmas present, and I was hooked. I always thought I wanted to be an astronaut before that, but then I learned about the complexity of space and astronomy and how many big questions are linked to it and how many things we’ve learned from space that have bettered our lives, and it kind of snowballed for me.”
I move to stand behind her. “Your geek side is fucking hot,” I tell her.
She laughs, her cheeks tinting pink. “Speaking of sides, I didn’t know which side of the bed you prefer…”
I’ve never had sides. “Sleep wherever you want,” I tell her.
She unfolds her legs and stands. I focus on remembering the icy cold water of my shower, trying to calm myself down so I don’t reach for her and slip off her shorts and tee to have her naked and at my mercy within seconds. I fight the idea of her on her back, legs spread, and bared to me as I drive her to climax again. Two years of temptation and lust have been built, and now that the dam has been broken, it seems impossible to contain.
Her thigh brushes against my fingertips as she passes me, leaving the fresh scent of citrus and floral as she moves to the bed.
I grab the remote from the nightstand and close the shades and turn off the lights, loving the sight of her in my bed. “Can I ask you a personal question?” I ask, reaching for her as I slip beneath the sheet.
“Why was I still a virgin?” she asks.
“I saw you make out with Lincoln Beckett freshman year, and I’m not shaming you, I just … you caught me by surprise.”
“I prefer to pretend that night never happened.”
Thank-fucking-God. “Why?”
“Because I saw your hand up some chick’s skirt, and it made me so jealous, I nearly cashed in my V-card that night.”
Guilt binds around my lungs, making it difficult to think as I work to recall further details of that night, but try as I might, the only thing I remember is hating my teammate and Chloe for kissing him. “I’ve done a lot of things I regret.”
She shakes her head. “Regret is wasted energy, and some of the most beautiful and amazing things come from mistakes.”
“So you didn’t sleep with anyone that night?”
“I almost did … but it just didn’t feel right.” She sighs. “I don’t know how to explain it. I never wanted the moment to be planned or to have it be a big production because it seemed that would make it all feel orchestrated, and the entire carnal desire and lust and everything would be a calculation—a plan—and I feel like my entire life is filled with calculations and rules and plans. This was one thing I just didn’t want to make rules for. And then there was this incident where I suggested to someone I was dating that we do something in the back of his truck when we were out camping with some friends, and his reaction made me feel so dirty, like there was something wrong with me.”