But I also don’t trust love. It’s what my mother claims makes her his doormat, and if love is so powerful, it’ll make you lose your self-respect, then I don’t want any part of it.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. But then I lay down to go to sleep and close my eyes. And the one thing you can’t do is lie to yourself.
To get through the loneliness, I tell myself I just haven’t found the right girl. But the voice in my head says, If your own father doesn’t love you, how can anyone else?
1
Harper
“Jamie, I told you to get married in New York, not Chicago,” I whine into the phone.
“Sorry to disrupt your life, but Quinn wanted to get married there. Besides, now that I’ve positioned the managers in New York to run things, Quinn and I are moving back. As soon as our honeymoon is over, we’re permanently staying in Chicago.”
My heart drops. “What? You can’t do that!”
“I’ve been telling you this for the last year. It shouldn’t be a big shock.”
“No. You cannot move right now.”
“Harper, do you want to tell me why you suddenly have a problem with my wife and I moving? You backpacked Europe for the last few years and didn’t seem to care about my whereabouts.”
“Soon-to-be wife. And while I love you and Quinn both, Hope and I have a bond. I’m her favorite aunt, and she isn’t even one year old yet. You are not allowed to drag her away from me.”
“So, I know you’re older and all—”
“Only by a year.”
“I love how now that you’re thirty-five, you don’t like being older than me but still want to boss me around.”
“Did you have to remind me of my age?”
His voice lowers. “Less than five years to go until you’re forty.”
“Stop it!”
Jamison chuckles. “Why don’t you move to Chicago? We have room for you until you find a place.”
“Chicago over New York? Are you crazy?”
“You shouldn’t knock it before you try it. Besides, what else do you have going on that you couldn’t move?”
Nothing. I’m a thirty-five, unemployed, I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-myself loser right now.
Don’t say that to Jamie. He’ll give you his, “You have to make your opportunities in life,” speech.
I avoid his question. “What about Quinn’s novels?”
“What about them?”
“Doesn’t she have a community of authors here? She won’t find that in Chicago.”
Jamison snorts. “You do know Chicago is a metropolitan city, right?”
“Is it?”
“Please tell me that isn’t a serious question.”
“Of course it isn’t, but it’s not New York! Besides, Hope loves her Auntie Harper. She’s going to go crazy without me.”
“She will or you will?”
“Not funny.”
“Listen, I have to go. The invitation is open if you want a change in scenery. The jet leaves at eight a.m. tomorrow, so don’t be late.”
I groan. “Eight a.m.? You own the plane. Why so early?”
“I’m not even going to respond to your craziness. See you bright and early tomorrow.”
“Ta.”
“Did you just say, ‘ta’?”
“Yep.”
“What language is ta?”
“English.”
“Really?”
“You need some culture, Jamie. Ta is British for thanks.”
“I’m very cultured. Ask Quinn.”
“Ask me what?” Quinn yells out.
He puts it on speakerphone. “Harper says I’m not cultured.”
“What! Harper, how could you?” Quinn teases.
“Can we talk about more important matters? You cannot move Hope to Chicago.”
“Ohh. Sorry. Why don’t you move with us?”
“What is with you and Jamie thinking I don’t have a life?”
Because you don’t anymore. You’re a divorced woman flying fast into your forties.
“Harper! I didn’t say that. But come move with us. You already know all our friends. It would be fun.”
It’s not like you have anything else going on.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early. Kiss Hope for me.” I hang up and go back into my closet and rummage through my drawers.
Which lingerie should I take?
Why does it even matter? You haven’t been laid in forever.
You’ll be a dried-up prune before long.
Oh God, five years until I’m forty.
I search through the drawer and pull out several sexy numbers even though I’m pretty positive my B.O.B. will be the only thing accessing my lady parts.
I pull out the outfits I bought for the rehearsal dinner and wedding, along with several others. I debate how many outfits I should take and end up with two suitcases, which is most of my wardrobe.
It would be easy to move, I guess.
Since your husband cleaned out all your accounts and left you with nothing but these two suitcases, it’s only appropriate you keep them close to your heart.
Ex-husband.
“Lord, I’m pathetic.”
“What are you pathetic about now?” Anna says and scares me half to death.
I jump and put my hand over my heart. “Did you have to sneak up on me?”
She pushes her blonde hair off her face and winces. “Sorry. Your front door was hanging open.”
“Whoops.”
She tosses me my keys. “You left these in the front lock.”
“Oops. Glad it was you.”
“You really should pay better attention to your security. We do live in New York. And this isn’t the best neighborhood.”
It’s all I could afford on my own.
“So far, this is a murder-free zone, so I’m doing something right.”
“Not funny.” She points at my bags. “Are you taking two full-sized suitcases for a four-day trip?”
“Yeah. What are you taking?”
“A full-sized case and carry on.”
“Pretty close to what I’m taking, then. So you know I love seeing you, but what are you doing here?”
She flops down on my bed and frowns. “Mitch and I just got into a big fight again.”
I sit next to her and pretzel my legs on the bed. “What about?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. But sometimes I wonder why I try so hard.”
“So stop.”
“What do you mean?”
“Stop trying so hard and see what happens.”
“Isn’t that going to make it worse?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. It sounds like you’re adding more stress to your plate, and if it’s not working, try something else for a bit.”
She bites her lip. “Hmm.”
“So, you’re packed?”
“Yep. Jamison said we’re leaving at eight?”
I groan again. “No idea why so early.”
Anna scrunches her forehead. “Eight isn’t early.”
“Sure it is.”