She bites on it and slowly calms. Her blue eyes glisten, and she makes tiny whimpers.
“There. Now let’s get you in the bath.”
Steven jumps off the bed and hightails it to the bathroom and turns off the tub. “It’s full.”
I pick up Hope and take her to the tub. “Can you grab the bath seat in her bathroom shower?”
Steven leaves and comes back with it. I set her in it, and she sniffles.
I sit on the ledge of the tub, and Steven sits on the other, stroking her head. “Does that feel nice, sweetheart?”
She looks at him and sniffles some more while biting on her teether.
I take a washcloth, fold it, and put it on her forehead, but some water drips down, and she screams.
“Okay, you don’t have to have it.”
Steven holds his hand out. “Give it to me.”
He dips the washcloth in the water, rings it out, and instead of putting it on her forehead, he positions it on the back of her neck.
She tilts her head toward him but keeps it on. She chews more then reaches out and grabs Steven’s pinky.
We finish the bath and put her in a diaper and the thinnest pajamas we can find. I retake her temperature, and it dropped to ninety-nine point four.
“I don’t want to put her back in the crib,” Steven says.
“Agreed.”
Steven sits on the bed, and I hand Hope to him. “I’m going to put some of these teethers in the freezer.”
I leave, and when I return, Hope is asleep on his chest.
He’s so good with her.
I lay next to him and kiss her head then his cheek. “I see why you’re her favorite uncle.”
“And I see why you’re her favorite aunt.”
I turn out the light but keep a nightlight on then snuggle up to him. “Should we set the alarm to check her temperature?”
“Good idea.”
“Grab my phone.”
He reaches to the table, and his body stiffens.
I slowly lift my head, and dread fills me. I don’t know why.
He stares at my cell, his face hardens, then he slowly hands it to me.
My heart drops. A notification is on the screen from my old boss. “Sorry to text so late, but I have a schedule conflict and need to know if you’re able to meet on Tuesday at eight instead of ten. I wasn’t sure if you were flying in Monday or Tuesday morning. Will you be back in New York in order to make that happen?”
19
Steven
Harper was going to leave and not even tell me.
How long did she have her interview planned?
Can anything else go wrong today?
“Steven—”
“Set the alarm. I need some sleep. When it rings, I’ll check Hope’s temperature.”
“I—”
“Goodnight.” I readjust Hope and turn as much as I can away from Harper. I shut my eyes, but I don’t sleep. All I smell is a mix of Hope’s baby soap and Harper’s citrus and jasmine scent. I can hear Hope breathing.
At some point, Harper curls up to me, and her pinky strokes my cheek. She whispers, “I was going to tell you. It only happened today. There was already so much going on tonight...” She takes a shaky breath. “I don’t want to leave you.”
I try to keep my voice as low as possible so Hope doesn’t wake up. “Then why are you?”
“We went over this.”
“You haven’t even tried to find a job here. Before you’ve started, you’ve already quit.”
Silence.
The alarm rings, and I turn it off and take the thermometer off the table. I check Hope’s temperature. “Ninety-nine point two degrees.”
“That’s good. It’s continuing to go down.”
I kiss Hope’s head, and she snuggles closer to me. I hand the cell to Harper. “Can you set another alarm?”
She does then molds her body back around mine.
I want to tell her not to cling to me, but I can’t. I’ve never felt so attached to someone so quickly, or ached for their touch, or wanted them to be with me forever. My future is up in the air in so many ways right now, but all I see is her in it. And when she leaves, I’m going to be destroyed. But instead of pushing her away, I allow her to ruin me further. Every minute is just driving the desire I have for her deeper, to the point of no return.
To prove my point, her hand slides under my T-shirt, and she palms my heart. The mere action makes it race, and then she kisses the back of my neck. “Don’t hate me.”
I close my eyes, trying to stop the out-of-control feelings I have and wishing I could stop the cracks in my heart from multiplying. “Hate and you aren’t even in the same sentence.”
She breathes out, as if in relief, and snuggles closer. And all night, we lay like that, checking on Hope and stretching the alarm out further.
Around four a.m., Hope’s fever is gone. Harper brings the travel bassinet into the room, and we put her in it next to the bed.
I slide under the covers, and Harper follows. She rolls on top of me and hungrily kisses me, and my erection hardens.
I wish I could not respond to her, but I always do. It’s an impossible request to ask of myself. Instead of pushing her away, I slide my hands in her shorts and palm her ass.
“Don’t go to work tomorrow,” she says.
“I have to.”
“No, you don’t. Shira said you have tons of vacation days. Take a day off. It’ll give you some time to figure out how to maneuver around what happened tonight.”
And it’s another reason I’m so attracted to Harper. She’s smart and seems to understand what I need. No one has ever known how to advise me. It creates a rippling confusion of desire and sadness.
“I’ll take the day off if you don’t go back to New York.”
“Steven—”
“Please don’t put money in front of us.”
She freezes. “I’m not going to get rich. I told you, I have nothing left.”
“And I said I would take care of you.”
“You don’t get it.” She rolls off me.
I turn to her and hold her so she can’t escape me. “What don’t I get?”
“This is embarrassing for me.”
I stroke my thumb over her jaw. “I get that. Are you going to let your ego break us?”
She moves her head back. “That’s not fair.”
“Trampling on my heart is?” It’s a low blow, but it’s the truth.
“What about my heart? You don’t think this is going to kill me?”
“Then, don’t go.”
“I have to.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Shh. You’ll wake Hope.”
I lower my voice. “You’re holding all the cards.”
“Why can’t you understand how hard this is for me?”
I position my face right next to hers. “I’ve had no money and bills. And desperation makes you do stupid things. It’s why I accepted Maximillion’s help to get my job interview.”
“So, if you had nothing before, why are you giving me a guilt trip?”
“This isn’t a guilt trip. I’m fighting for you. And I’m asking you to stay in Chicago and let me support you. Figure out what you want to do and find it here, with me.”