I float there, warm and happy.
But the tugging comes again, a sharp pain ensuing until I can almost feel my body, but the darkness swallows it once again.
Voices surround me in the murky gloom, calling to me.
Begging me.
Pleading.
The pain in their voices brings tears to my eyes. They sound so hopeless, so lost and distraught, I want to hold them.
But then they are gone too.
There is nothing.
No one.
Just the pitch-black.
“It’s not your time yet, kid, they need you.”
I push the voice away, wanting to stay in the comfort of the dark, but it comes again, louder, nagging, and familiar. It sends a pang of pain through me for some reason. The words flow through me with aching familiarity and loss.
“Did you know butterflies are strong? They have beauty and are covered in marks from life, but they still keep flying.”
I turn away, and another voice comes. “Little queen, fight.”
No! Pain resurfaces at that voice, so much pain. I’m tired of the pain… I’m tired.
“You can do it, pain is temporary. Fucking fight!” comes the roar. “Fight, kid!”
Fight…
But how can I fight what I can’t see?
I am swallowed once again.
“She’s still here! She’s fighting it!” comes a frantic voice.
“Come on, soulmate! Don’t you dare fucking leave me!” demands a deep tone.
“Angel! Please!”
Pain registers as hands press against me, making me bow and scream. “That’s it, baby girl. Fight for us, we are right here.”
“Come on, babe! Please.” Their voices are choked and frantic.
“Mi Alma, you can do this. Do not fucking die on me!”
But the darkness is back again. It promises peace, and as hard as I fight to stay, knowing those voices and the hearts they belong to…it drags me back, kicking and screaming.
I’m warm.
Really warm.
It starts slowly, the floating blackness heating up until it becomes unbearable. Noises and words filter through, but they make no sense, and then the pain comes.
Flames.
The dancing flames… Ivar?
No, no, Ivar is dead.
Am I dead?
Why does it hurt?
Why am I so hot?
“Fuck! She’s going to get an infection!” comes a snarl. “Pip, pass me—”
I bury my head again, whimpering at the flames. Please, no more.
A soothing, guttural voice wraps around me like an embrace. The lyrics flowing through me are familiar, reminding me of dark cells, but that can’t be a happy memory, can it?
“Little queen, you can find happiness anywhere if you remember to look,” comes a whisper before the lyrics start up again.
Vas?
It’s a song about a woman and her lover, and the fight they endure to be together, but at the end, she dies… It’s sad.
“It is, but death isn’t the end. The only true end is if you give up fighting. You are not a coward, nor are you weak, kid, so don’t start to be now. Pain awaits you back there, so much pain. But you can handle it. Only you, Tazanna. They need you, and we will be here waiting when it is finally your time.”
I love you.
I don’t know if I scream it or whisper it, but I need that person to know. It’s a gut feeling.
“I love you too, kid.” He laughs, the sound covering me like a blanket and reminding me of home, like a father… Major? Can it be? “But they love you too, so go. Your fight isn’t over.”
I close my eyes, only to find more blackness, and focus past that voice to the pain circling and waiting to be let back in. With a cry, I throw open that door to the hurt that awaits there.
He is right.
My fight isn’t over.
Agony surges through me, and my eyes snap open with a scream.
4
Never say goodbye
“Oi, you stubborn bitch, can you hear me?” The voice is insistent, making me groan.
“Fuck off, Doc,” I slur, and I hear him laugh. It’s a bark and almost choked.
“Baby girl?”
“Angel!”
“Babe!”
“Soulmate!”
“Ma queen!”
It all comes at once, and I groan at the onslaught. It’s suddenly quiet as I just breathe, trying to figure out what happened. I smell copper, blood. I’m used to that scent, but there is a sweet odour as well. It’s warm, like always, and I’m lying on something soft.
The last thing I remember was killing Regina and then—
Fuck, I was stabbed.
My eyes open again, and I blink away the blurriness to see faces crowded above me. “That was fun,” I croak, my voice rough, and Dray laughs as the others watch me worriedly. “Did we win?”
“Mi Alma,” Maxen starts, but I narrow my eyes and he grins. “We won. When you killed Regina, it turned the tide, and once we started winning again, they stood down.”
I nod but groan when it causes pain. “So I didn’t die?”
“Oh, you did for almost five minutes, and it’s been touch-and-go ever since,” Doc answers next to me. I try to lift my head, but it’s heavy. Then Jax is there, his grey eyes haunted and his lips thin as he helps raise me slowly so I can look down at my own body. He’s silent, which is not a huge change from normal, but I can feel the tremor in his hands. It makes sense if they almost lost me. In fact, Dray looks surprisingly calm, considering I died.
I blink down at the bandage covering my stomach. “You’ll have a scar.” Doc shrugs. “I did the best I could to stitch you up and stop the bleeding, but you will be weak for a while and need to stay in bed and recover.”
“Yeah, fuck that, I have shit to do,” I snap, making him chuckle as he presses another bit of tape to the bandage.
“I figured, which is why I’ve taped it a lot to keep it still as you move.” He snorts and stands, looking at the men around me. We appear to be in a tent of some kind. “No sex, not unless you want her to bleed to death, and try to keep her in bed if you can.”
“Without using sex?” Drax laughs. “Hard to do.” He winks over at me, and I grin, wincing when pain flows through me, making him sober.
“Babe, what can I do?” he begs.
“I’m fine.” I wave it away. “Tell me everything.”
Maxen slips behind me, propping me up and restraining me like he knew I was going to try and stand to head out and sort things. “Mi Alma, we almost lost you.”
The atmosphere of the tent becomes somber as they all stare at me with various stages of anger and hurt. “I’m sorry. I had to, okay?”
“We know, baby girl,” Thorn whispers. “But we will never forgive ourselves for not being there to watch your back.”
“No, no regrets. We’ve had enough of them for a lifetime, and I’m here, I’m fine,” I order.
“But you weren’t, soulmate,” Dray snarls, and when I look over, his cold eyes are locked on me. His chest is still covered in blood, but it’s dried. How long was I asleep? I need to ask, but we need to get all this out of the way first. They are hurting and angry and need to reassure themselves I’m still here.