I’ve never felt so stomped on and violated in all of my life. I’d rather someone slap me across my face than come at me backwards without me seeing them come my way. That’s some backhanded, cowardly shit I’ve ever seen or experienced. I’m sitting on the couch with an ice pack on my hand as the men continue with their search. When one of the men come out of Hadley’s room with one, my switch gets flipped. Rayne cuffs his hand over my mouth as I continue to rant and rave through his attempt to muffle me. My eyes narrow into tiny slits as I glare at each and every one of the men inside of my home. I’m not blaming them, but why wasn’t one of them here guarding the house in the first goddamned place? It would make sense! At least that way we’d have positive proof of who is desperate and wants to listen into anything that happens in our life.
Why my baby’s room? That angers me more than the one placed beneath my bed. She has done nothing to anybody to deserve this. She’s innocent in all of this. Whoever this sonofabitch is, he’s fixing to face my wrath, and that’s something not many people have ever observed where it comes to me. I’m usually the calm and collected one. I can be sugary sweet, yet, still put you in your place. That’s those southern roots coming out in me. But this fucker, whomever they are, oh, they’re going to meet the side of me that I harbor deep inside of my being. A part of me that doesn’t rear its ugly head unless you mess with my baby.
And this has gone too damn far!
Looking into Rayne’s eyes, I remove his hand and mouth, This is, Jameson, isn’t it? He nods his head, confirming that my suspicion is dead-on. My body begins to vibrate in disdain as I think of all the things I’m going to do to him for invading me in this capacity. Ripping his balls from his body is the first thing on the list of things to accomplish. I want him to feel pain unlike anything he’s ever experienced before.
He’s poked the mama bear inside of me. Now, he’ll feel what it’s like when I bare my sharpened claws. I’ve never hated anyone before like this. I’ve felt loathing for an individual or two in my lifetime, but not downright hatred.
This is a foreign feeling, yet one I’m allowing to take place. I need this anger when I confront his ass, and I promise you, I will.
24
Jacey
I’m robotic throughout dinner. I answer questions as they’re directed at me and nod and shake my head at the appropriate moments, but I’m completely and utterly lost in a loop of rage. I can’t seem to get past this tunnel vision I’m spellbound inside of. Rayne, feeling my tension, slides his hand inside of my own. He gives it a gentle, encouraging squeeze. I know he’s experiencing the same emotions as me, but he’s handling things much smoother than I am.
We haven’t spoken with his sisters about the things we found inside of our home—we don’t want Hadley to overhear and become scared. Our home is a sacred, safe place for her, and neither one of us wants to take that away from her. The security men split up. Some followed us and some stayed behind to see if someone would try to enter while we’re away. I sure the fuck hope Jameson tries, because I’m emotionally tired when it comes to dealing with him. For years he’s been a thorn in my side and it’s one that needs to be extracted.
He needs to be beheaded so he can’t ever have the potential to rise again. If anyone had the capability and maliciousness to become an immortal, it’d be him in my opinion.
I hate chaos and indecisiveness in my life, and he’s brought both of those things in full spades. Fucker! He’s no better than the bloodsuckers we’ve all feared and dreamed about, thanks to Bram Stoker and his book Dracula. As the night winds down and we walk toward our vehicle, I pull Rayne to a stop by digging in my heels.
“Is it safe for us to stay home? I mean, what if there’s something that wasn’t found?” I ask Rayne as fear comes back and rears its ugly head. I’m not sure if I’m more frightened of the unknown, and what threats may be awaiting us once we get there, or if I’m simply imagining the worst-case scenario. I also don’t know if I want to be made aware if there were any more devices discovered around the house or where they were placed.
My mind is a swirl of constant activity. It. Never. Ends. No matter how hard I try to think of anything else, I always come back to this particular subject.
“I got a text from Lucky while we were eating. They swept the house twice more and are confident that they found everything there was to find, Jace,” he soothingly informs me. “We have nothing to fear and nothing that we need to hide from. Let’s not let him take away our house from us. I won’t let that cowardly piece of shit keep us from living our lives free from fear. Plus, it’s Hadley’s home, how would we explain us not staying there? It’s where all of her things that bring her comfort are.” He makes sense in the logical scheme of things. I’m just not sure how satisfied I am that every foreign device has been discovered and removed.
The one thing that I’m trying to laser onto is that Hadley’s things are at our home. He’s right about how we wouldn’t be able to come up with a good enough excuse of why we’re staying in a hotel, when we could be sleeping in our own beds, with our own things surrounding us.
Billie comes up behind us with a jumping Hadley holding onto her hand. “The girls and I have decided that we’re going to follow you home for a cup of coffee.” Her statement sounds innocent enough, but the look she’s shooting our way lets me know that she and her sisters homed in on the fact that things are not okay.
I need to learn how to have a poker face. I suck at keeping things tucked away inside without letting my emotions plaster on my face for the world to witness.
I’ve always been outspoken and one to share my feelings. I learned long ago that if you hold everything you’re feeling inside, you’ll eventually explode like a volcano rupturing. It’s not a good experience to have when you eventually let everything out and hurt those people you love. Years and years’ worth of baggage is likely to come out.
After that experience, Rayne and I vowed to never hold anything inside. We decided that sharing our feelings was a better way of protecting ourselves from harmful and hurtful words spilling free from our lips.
As soon as we make it home and through the doors, I take Hadley to the bathroom for a quick washdown. She’s in a zombie-like state, so I do a sink wash on her. Just enough to make her sleep easier but not enough to fully wake her up. In the meantime, Rayne and his sisters are deep in discussion about what all was found earlier. Those girls wouldn’t have held off long enough for me to get Hadley settled before interrogating him relentlessly. Knowing him as well as I do, he’d want to tell them without me there anyhow. He would do whatever it takes for me to not relive this over and over again by being part of the discussion and explanation of occurrences. He knows I’m already nearing my breaking point.
Hadley easily lays down without her goodnight story. She’s already sound asleep by the time I make it to the doorway. I can’t help but scan her room for any outside threats. I know the men firmly believe that everything was found, but I can’t help but search anyway. I want my baby as protected as I can make her. She’s the brightness in my life. She saved me from drowning in sorrow once upon a time. I need to return that favor to her tenfold. That’s my job as her mother, anyway.