Shortly after that, they recorded the famous video of the band performing “Impossible Woman” at Madison Square Garden—where she’s singing deep from her gut and fearless about even the highest notes, where Billy Dunne can’t seem to keep his eyes off her.
All of this was during those months just after she had left Niccolo Argento. That’s when she was fully self-actualized, fully in command of herself. All the magazines were talking about her, everybody knew who she was. All of rock ’n’ roll wanted to be her.
Spring of ’seventy-nine is the Daisy Jones we all talk about when we talk about Daisy Jones. You would have thought she was on top of the world.
KAREN: There’s something I haven’t mentioned.
GRAHAM: Did Karen tell you about it? It’s not my place to say anything if she hasn’t told you already. But…I guess if she did, then it’s okay.
KAREN: We were in Seattle, I think, when I realized what was going on.
EDDIE: I never brought it up with Graham and Karen, that I knew they were sleeping together. But I did think it was odd they kept it so quiet. People would have been happy for them. Maybe it was just a one-time thing between them. Sometimes, my memory is so hazy I wonder if I imagined it. But I don’t think I did. I don’t think I would make up something like that.
KAREN: I was taking a shower in the hotel and Graham had the adjoining room and he came in. And then he got in the shower with me. I pulled him into me, put my arms around him. That’s part of what I liked about Graham so much, was how big he was, how strong he was. He was hairy and bulky and I liked all of that. I liked how gentle he was, too. But this time, as he pressed his chest into mine, my boobs felt swollen. They felt sore. And I knew. I just knew.
I’d heard women talk about being able to sense when they were pregnant. But I thought it was some Flower Power shit. But it’s true. At least for me. I was twenty-nine. I knew my body. And I knew I was pregnant. This dread just seeped into me. It was like it started at my head and filled my whole body. I remember being so thankful when Graham heard Warren knocking on his door because he rushed out of the shower.
I was so relieved to be alone. To not have to pretend to be human, in that moment. Because I felt…gone. I felt like my soul had left my body and I was just a shell. I stayed in the shower for I don’t even know how long. I just stayed in there, under the showerhead, staring off into space until I could muster the energy to step out.
GRAHAM: You know how sometimes you can tell that something is off with somebody? But you can’t put your finger on it? And you ask what’s wrong and they seem to have no idea what you’re talking about? You feel crazy. You feel like you’re going crazy. This feeling in your gut that the person you love isn’t okay. But they look okay. They look okay.
KAREN: I took a pregnancy test in Portland. I’d kept it a secret from everybody. But then…that meant I was alone in my hotel room. Seeing the line turn pink or whatever color it was. I stared at it for a long time. And then I called Camila. I said, “I’m pregnant.” I said, “I don’t know what to do.”
CAMILA: I said, “Do you want a family?”
And she said, “No.” When she said “no…” it sounded like this croak. In her throat.
KAREN: It was silent on the phone. And then Camila said, “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
GRAHAM: When we got to Vegas, I finally said, “C’mon, you have to talk to me.”
KAREN: I just blurted it out. Told him. I said, “I’m pregnant.”
GRAHAM: I didn’t know what to say.
KAREN: He didn’t talk for a long time. Just paced around the room. I said, “I don’t want to do this. Go through with it.”
GRAHAM: I figured she was just wrestling with it a bit. I said to her, “Let’s just give this some time. We still have time, right?”
KAREN: I told him I wasn’t going to change my mind.
GRAHAM: I said the wrong thing. I knew it was the wrong thing. I said, “We can get a different keyboardist, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
KAREN: I don’t really blame Graham, honestly. He was just thinking like most people. I said, “Do you understand how hard I worked to get here? I’m not giving this up.”
GRAHAM: I didn’t want to say it but I thought it seemed selfish. Choosing anything over our baby.
KAREN: He kept calling it “our baby.” Our baby our baby our baby.
GRAHAM: I told her that she should just take some time. That’s all I said.
KAREN: It was our baby but it was my responsibility.
GRAHAM: People change their minds about this stuff all the time. You think you don’t want something and then you realize you do.
KAREN: He said that I didn’t know what I was saying and that if I didn’t go forward with the pregnancy I’d regret it for the rest of my life. He just didn’t understand.
I wasn’t scared of regretting not having a child. But I was scared of regretting having a child.
I was scared of bringing an unwanted life into this world. I was scared of living my life, feeling like I’d anchored myself to the wrong dock. I was scared of being pushed to do something I knew I did not want. Graham didn’t want to hear it.
GRAHAM: Things got heated and I stormed out. We had to have the conversation when we felt calm. You can’t scream about something like that.
KAREN: My mind wasn’t going to change. I’ve been judged for it every time I’ve said it but I’ll keep saying it: I never wanted to be a mother. I never wanted children.
GRAHAM: I just kept thinking, She’ll change her mind. I thought, We will get married and have a baby and figure it all out. She was going to realize how much she wanted to be a mother, how much family meant to her.
DAISY: After the Grammys, Billy and I started talking again. Well, sort of. We had just won for a song we wrote together, a song we sung together, and that resonated with me.
BILLY: She leveled out. She loosened up. With Niccolo gone, it was…easier to have a conversation with her.
DAISY: We were on an overnight flight to New York to do Saturday Night Live. Rich had given us the Runner jet. I think almost everybody had fallen asleep. Billy was on the other side of the plane from me. But our chairs were sort of facing each other. I had on a tiny dress and I was cold and I took a blanket and wrapped it around myself and I saw Billy see me. And he laughed.
BILLY: Some people will never stop being themselves. And you think it drives you crazy but it is the very thing you will think about when they are gone. When you don’t have them in your life anymore.