“Meet you? Who the hell are you?” I ask.
Suddenly Irriuth leaps between us, his muscles flexing with protective intent. “Wait, you don’t know this guy?”
I frown. “Should I?”
“Yes. He’s the king,” Irriuth replies.
I let out an involuntary shriek. Oh god oh god oh god. THE KING IS HERE! WHY?!?!?!? I’m so glad Irriuth is between us and looking unnaturally pissed, because this isn’t a meeting I wanted to have right now. Or ever.
King murder clown raises his hands. “Irriuth, calm down. I’m grateful for your protection of her, but it’s time she and I get to know each other.”
Oh hell no! I think, just as Irriuth growls, “NO!”
The king tilts his head to the side. “You seem oddly emotionally attached to the human female, Irriuth. Is there something you want to tell me?”
I can see the massive muscles in Irriuth’s shoulders tighten.
The king’s eyes narrow as he slithers forward. “You like her, don’t you?”
Irriuth’s Adam’s apple bobs. I can tell it’s taking all his strength to keep from lashing out at the king.
The king’s lip curls, revealing sharp canines. “You thought about touching her with your filthy hands, didn’t you?”
Oh, that is it! “Irriuth’s hands are calloused and strong, and not at all filthy,” I tell him.
The king’s silver eyes flash to me. “And how would you know that?”
“Because he held me down with them when he fucked me!”
Okay, that came out way louder and more forceful than I’d intended. Also, definitely TMI. My outburst echoes for a full five seconds before the room goes quiet.
Like, really, really quiet.
The only sound is a soft whooshing reminiscent of the medical bot who’d lead me here – in fact, that might be the very same bot, retreating. Which… given the atmosphere of the room… sounds like a pretty smart idea.
“Please calm down. Let’s just…all take a deep breath.” It’s at this moment that I realize we aren’t alone in here. There’s another huge, sexy, muscle man with silver eyes. The only difference between him and the other two is he is calm and appears to still have functioning brain cells.
“I think one of us is breathing too much,” the king says, eyes never leaving Irriuth.
Irriuth’s neck cracks as he rolls his head back and forth. “Come at me, bro.”
My stomach flips. Come at me, bro? Who says that to a king?
“How about we all keep breathing?” the calm guy says.
I agree with the calm guy. “Yeah. Let’s all take a deep breath and—”
The king growls with an intensity that rivals Irriuth. “Out of everything in my kingdom, there was one thing you were not to touch. Her! You knew what it meant, and you did it anyway!”
Blood rushes through my veins, though this time it isn’t just from fear or confusion. I’m also mad as hell. “Look, your highness. You don’t have the right to tell me who I can and cannot lose my virginity to. Only I make that decision.”
The calm guy’s eyes widen in horror as he stares at Irriuth. “You didn’t.”
“I did,” Irriuth says with a masculine pride that is waaaaay too overzealous for the occasion.
“Oh God,” the calm guy looks back at the king. “Please don’t kill him. He’s family.”
“Family?” I ask, glaring at Irriuth.
“Unfortunately,” Irriuth says, still scowling.
“And apparently that means nothing to you,” the king hisses at Irriuth.
“No, it means something,” Irriuth qualifies. “Just not that much.”
“I should behead him,” the king murmurs.
“I said don’t kill him!” the calm guy cries out.
“I’m not talking about that head.” The king’s dark eyes gleam as he grins. I was right. He is a serial killer clown with a crown.
The hell he tries anything like that. I step in front of Irriuth, ball my hands into fists, and place those fists firmly on my hips. “No one is gonna lay a finger on either one of Irriuth’s perfect heads. And if I knew this planet was ruled by someone so crazy, I would never have come here—even if it meant not eating for a week!”
Irriuth whips around, muscles bulging, fists tightening, hair flowing like a highlander’s. “You took advantage of a destitute woman?”
The king shrugged his glittery epaulettes. “I didn’t know her circumstances, but it matters not. From now on, she’ll be treated like royalty.”
So he thinks he can bribe me? Well, it wasn’t going to work. My review will contain nothing but the truth! “If you do anything to Irriuth, I’ll write all about how my ship crashed in the middle of the freaking desert where I was attacked by raiders and monsters. I’ll write about the bugs I was forced to eat for sustenance and the puddles of mud I drank from. And then, I’ll write about the king who tried to grope me before he even introduced himself. By the time I’m done with my review, you won’t even have a tourism industry.”
Silence.
Finally, Irriuth places his hand on my shoulder. “Simone, thank you for sticking up for me, but Talrak doesn’t have a tourism industry. Landing a ship on this planet is dangerous — as you experienced yourself — and once you’re here, you have to contend with monsters and raiders and, as you noted, eating bugs for sustenance.”
“But none of that was in the brochure.”
Irriuth frowns. “Brochure?”
“For my vacation.”
His frown deepens. “No one would ever want to vacation here.”
“I know,” I tell him. “That’s why Supernova Escapes hired me to write a review about my awesome vacation on Talrak. But so far the only awesome part of this trip has been you.”
“Wait, you’re here to write a review, not to marry my brother?”
Did I hear him correctly? “Marry your what?”
“My brother,” Irriuth repeats.
“You mean the groper?” I can’t help my look of distaste. The thought of marrying him turns my stomach.
“He means the king,” the king murder-clown groper “corrects.” Completely deadpan. How typical, he even speaks of himself in the third person.
This is a… weird joke. Especially since all three alien men look so deadly serious. Still, I laugh, because the only other appropriate response would be to wail in horror. “I’m definitely not here to marry that guy.”
Irriuth steps in front of me, stalking the suddenly retreating king. “Explain.”
“There’s not much to explain,” the king says with a tight smile.
Irriuth takes another step forward. “Then it should be easy.”
“She thinks that she’s here on a vacation,” the king says.
“And?” Irriuth prompts.
“And… she’s not,” the king finishes.
What does he mean I’m not here on vacation? “Irriuth, this isn’t funny anymore,” I tell him.
Irriuth’s deadly gaze is still centered on the king. “I’m not laughing either, Simone.”
And he sure isn’t kidding. The magnificent muscles in Irriuth’s back tense and bulge. His chiseled profile is twisted with fatal intent. I’ve only seen him look like this when he faced the Raiders and the monster. It’s his ready to kill look.