For the first time in his life, he felt as if he’d found a home. Not a brick and mortar home, but a home for his heart. Shani was someone he could imagine spending the rest of his life with. In fact, he could not imagine anything else. He needed to tell her how he felt.
Yet, his rational self kept him from saying anything aloud. Surely it was too soon to be talking about lifetime commitments? They hadn’t even said they loved each other. But he knew, as sure as he’d ever known anything in his life, that he was in love with this woman. And more than that—that she was made for him, and he for her.
Damn it. He would just tell her. He would blurt it out and she could make of it what she would. He glanced at her once more. As if feeling his eyes on her, she turned at that precise moment to look at him, a determined look on her face.
In unison, they said, “I need to talk to you.”
They were silent a beat as they processed what had just happened, and then they both laughed.
“Okay,” Adam said, still smiling. “You go first.”
“No, you,” she said. “Please.” It wasn’t a polite request. There was yearning in her tone. Perhaps she, too, needed courage for whatever it was she wanted to say.
Pulling up his big-boy britches, Adam girded himself. If she refused him, then so be it. If she wasn’t ready, he would be patient. He would do whatever it took to have her in his life.
“First,” he began, “you need to know something.” He reached for her hand as he drove, clasping it gently in his.
An eighteen-wheeler suddenly swerved into his lane, cutting him off. Startled, he jerked his hand away to grab the steering wheel as he instinctively hit the brakes. Shani yelped as they skidded.
“That fucking jerk,” he swore automatically, his heart thudding as the huge truck roared away. He guided the car to the shoulder of the highway and rolled to a stop. “Sorry about that,” he said, parking the car and turning on the hazard lights.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Shani asserted. “That guy totally cut you off.”
Adam unclicked his seatbelt and turned to her. “He did,” he agreed. “But it’s better if we’re parked for this anyway.”
“You’re making me a little nervous,” Shani said, her expression bemused. “This isn’t one of those, it’s-been-real-but-now-it’s-over speeches, is it?”
“What?” Adam asked. “No. God, no,” he asserted. “Quite the opposite.” Again he reached for her hand, fixing his gaze on her lovely face. He would just lay it all out there, and she could do with it what she would.
“I love you,” he said. It was the first time in over a decade he’d uttered those words, but they slipped effortlessly off his tongue. “I know it’s really soon to be saying that, but my heart knows what it knows. I don’t want to go all cornball on you, but it’s like you’re the missing piece of my soul. I’ve been running so far for so long, both in fact and in spirit, that I don’t even remember why. But when I met you, something changed. For the first time, I’ve put down my metaphorical bags. I’ve found my home. And it’s with you, Shani.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but he barreled on. “Look, I know it’s really fast and it’s sudden and it’s a lot to take in. And I totally get it if you don’t feel the same way, or need more time, or whatever. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, and wait as long as it takes, until you’re ready. I’ll cancel all my upcoming gigs. I’ll move to Desire Island, if you want, and work there as a staff Dom, if they’ll have me.”
The words had slipped out, born of his desperate desire to keep Shani close. But even as he uttered them, it made his gut churn to think of Shani still working as a staff slave. Could he tolerate other guys engaged in casual scenes with his Princess?
Yes, he told himself. If that’s what it takes to have her in my life, then that’s what it takes. We’ll work it out.
Aloud, he said, “This is totally new for me. I’ve never felt this way. I just know I can’t be without you. I want you in my life. I love you, Shani.”
Afraid he was blathering, he snapped his mouth shut. She was staring at him, her lips parted, her big, dark eyes wide. Had he said too much? Not enough? He held his breath as he waited for her to react.
“Adam,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I love you, too.”
He remembered to breathe then, his heart lifting with happiness.
Her eyes were shining, a combination of hope and joy in her expression. “It’s so amazing you’re saying all this. I’ve been thinking about so many things since that crazy dream last night. When I woke up, I felt so empowered. Since the disaster with Brandon, my spirit had left me and I didn’t know how to get it back. But last night, during that dream, I actually felt my spirit return. And it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t met you.”
She shook her head. “Wait. I’m not saying that right. I don’t mean to imply that you’ve somehow saved me—that I’m some weak-minded girl who needs a man to take care of her. But what you did do, with your kindness and love, was help me to remember who I am. I’m not afraid of him anymore. I almost hope we run into him tonight at the Fetish Fair so I can give him a piece of my mind.”
Adam laughed. “You give him a piece of your mind, and I’ll give him my boot up his ass. Who knows how many others that bully has terrorized? At the very least, we have to make sure that never happens again.”
“Agreed,” Shani said staunchly, a fire in her eyes. But then her expression softened, the fire replaced by sadness. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things since coming home. I’ve been dreading the thought of flying back across the continent. Of leaving you and my family behind. I hadn’t allowed myself to realize how much I missed them since I’ve been gone. Or how much sway Sir—I mean Brandon”—she touched her close-cropped hair—“still affected me. I’ve been trying to escape this whole time, both from what happened, and from my own responsibility in the matter. I never dealt with it. I never confronted him. I never told my mom the real reason I left. I just took off. I found comfort and refuge on the island, but…”
She paused for a long time. Adam’s mouth tingled with the desire to kiss her. His arms ached with the need to pull her close. He pressed his lips together and clenched his hands to keep them still as he waited for her to speak.
“I don’t think I belong on Desire Island,” she finally continued. “Not anymore. I made some truly wonderful friends there, but I can’t imagine scening with the island guests—with strangers who mean nothing to me, and to whom I mean nothing. Not when I know you exist in the world.”
A crazy, wild joy propelled Adam from the car. Racing around to the passenger side, he pulled open the door and held out his hands.
Shani released her seatbelt and reached for him, allowing him to pull her up and out of her seat. He smiled down at her radiant face. “I love you,” he repeated, happiness nearly lifting him off his feet. Then he took her in his arms and kissed her.
Chapter 13
Nina sat in the rocker on the front porch, shelling peas into a large bowl on her lap. She looked up and smiled as Adam pulled the car into the dirt driveway beside the tract house. Nina’s ancient pickup truck sat in the driveway, one of its tires clearly flat. No one else had arrived yet, which pleased Shani. While she was looking forward to another of Nina’s home-cooked meals with all the family in attendance, she wanted a little time alone with her mom.