Fuck this.
Fuck Tanner.
Fuck his father.
Her anger and sadness mixed together, jumbling up the feelings in her mind. One minute she was heartbroken over the possibility of losing him, thinking he’d actually walk away and forget about all they had.
The next, she was pissed at the world, and most especially Tanner. That he would bend to his father’s will was not something she’d ever expected from him. It just wasn’t the type of person Tanner was, so none of this made sense to her.
Chantell was done with all of it. No more feeling sorry for herself. She deserved better than what she was getting.
Tanner shifted underneath her, and she knew he was about to speak. Closing her eyes, she tried to shield herself from the words about to come out of his mouth. This was not the time to discuss this issue. It would only get ugly and that was the last thing she wanted.
“Baby,” he started to speak.
“Don’t, Tanner. I don’t want to do this right now. I’m holding on by a thread here. I’m not sure how strong and understanding I can be. It’s becoming too much.”
His deep inhale reverberated around them. They’d discussed this issue more than once and she knew he was tired of pleading his case. To be honest, she was tired of hearing him try to convince her that he had a plan. The plan was too damn late and now she was the one looking like a damn fool. She gave everything to this man. Tears leaked from her eyes as she knew it was time.
A decision about their future had been made without her consent. Tanner was just as guilty as his father. Maybe that’s why she was so angry with him. It was if he didn’t think about the bigger picture and how their future would be affected.
When shit started to go downhill and demands began, he hadn’t bothered to ask her opinion about what they should do. Why couldn’t have brought her in to discuss the situation with her like adults? You know, before he decided on a course of action that would change their relationship forever.
The one thing she’d never expected him to do was the exact thing he’d done. She could never forgive him for this.
He’d chosen his family over their love—over her—and tonight was their last time together.
She loved him too much to hold him back from getting what he wanted from life. But she loved herself too much to be anyone’s side chick or mistress. Not even for Tanner. The sudden thought that she’d ruined herself for any other man, left her feeling broken and sad.
“We need to talk about this, Chantell. We can get through this if we stick together.” His deep voice rumbled through his chest as he pulled her tighter. He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to his. “Baby, you need to just give me time to make this work in our favor. I have to let him think I’m on board with his plan. You know none of this will be real. This won’t change anything. We’re still together and I’m sure as hell not going to marry another woman.”
Why was he so worried about how she felt now? Too little, too fucking late.
“No,” she said with a deep sigh. Just the thought of him pretending to be interested in another woman right in front of her was nauseating. Even if he were faking it, seeing that wasn’t something she could deal with. Knowing her friends would be looking at her with pity in their eyes as she stood around like a jilted mistress. “No, Tanner. Enough is enough. I can’t do this anymore. We’ve been at this too long for things to still be this way.” She laughed derisively before briefly closing her eyes. “At this point, I’m twenty-six, and I’ve spent every year of my life since my junior year of high school waiting for things to change. Waiting for your father to get past his racist thinking so we can finally let everyone know we’re together. Be a couple in public, with more than just a friend or two knowing about us.”
Tanner interjected, “Sweetheart, he’s stuck in his ways. That shit doesn’t matter to me. You’ve been mine since the first day I saw you.”
“Yes, I have,” she smiled up at him, “but have you been mine?” When he went to speak, she held up a hand. Tanner flopped back on the pillow before exhaling loudly. She didn’t care if he was pissed. Facts were fact. “Listen to me for a minute. In all this time, your father hasn’t changed one bit. If he hasn’t changed by now, I don’t think he ever will. You say it doesn’t matter and you don’t care what he thinks. Yet, we still hide our relationship from the people in our own town and sneak around under the cover of darkness, like we’re doing something wrong.” Taking a deep breath, she plunged ahead. “No, we have to stop doing this. It’s not fair to me. You made a choice and it wasn’t me.”
Either he was all in with her, or he wasn’t. After everything they’d gone through, his recent actions were nothing less than a betrayal. Yet, she knew her behavior tonight only showed how much of a fool she is for him. Knowing what she does, she still allowed him into her home, and into her body as if he still belonged to her. He didn’t. Acid churned in her stomach as she thought about their relationship. She’d fallen in love with someone who talked a good game but who wasn’t willing to go all in.
That shit wasn’t going to work for her. Tanner was the man she loved, but she loved herself more.
Tanner didn’t seem ready for the challenges being with her would bring. She thought he was but clearly, she’d been wrong. And that was okay.
It was time to move past her childhood love and grab onto something more. Plus, she had other things to worry about that were more important. Not one to use underhanded tactics to keep a man by her side, she kept her mouth shut about that. For now.
Shifting his position, Tanner grabbed her arms and lifted her upper body from his. His green gaze stared at her as she squirmed out of his reach. With the way she was feeling tonight, there was no way she could look him in the eyes and not break down in tears. Her heart shattered into a million pieces from the pain flowing through her.
“Chantell, stop. This isn’t necessary. This isn’t us,” he snapped.
“There is no us. Not anymore, right?” she snapped. As the hurt continued to swirl within her, the good feelings from their multiple rounds of lovemaking had vanished into thin air. The strain in her voice couldn’t be missed.
Chantell was done with this conversation. Attempting to lie down again, she wanted so badly to disengage from this conversation. “I’m tired, Tanner. I don’t want to deal with this tonight. It’s too late and we both have to get up early.”
“You’re tired?” he grunted. “When have you ever been tired when we’re together? Baby, don’t give me that.” She could feel his heated gaze on her, boring a hole in the back of her head.
He was right. Because their time with each other was so limited, when they were alone, they spent most of it making up for the hours and days they spent apart. Tired was not a word she used when with Tanner.
“I don’t want to fight,” her voice trembled as her eyes filled with tears.
Grabbing her bare shoulder, he pulled until she was again lying on her back. Adjusting his body until he was leaning over her, he stared at her face as she tried to avoid looking at him. God, this hurt so much. He’d been the focus of life for so long. If Tanner were somewhere, you could almost guarantee Chantell was right there with him. Neither of them could be apart from one another for long. She’d gone to Cabo San Lucas for her high school graduation gift and it was the worst ten days of her life. Why? Because Tanner hadn’t gone with her.