Six.
Six seconds for her to one-eighty on me again. Whatever rage had just swelled inside her was gone, leaving a forced smile plastered across her face.
Naïve girl. She knew my identity now, but apparently not the man I’d become. A Carrera never left a debt unpaid, especially one owed in blood. However, I’d let her have her false peace.
For tonight.
She moved toward me. “You asked me to trust you. Trust me when I say you don’t want to know.”
I grabbed her wrist and held it between us. “Trust is dangerous.” Before lust got the better of me, I loosened my grip and walked away.
“You trust Brody,” she called after me. “You’ve let him inside your precious circle.”
My laughter wasn’t from amusement. “And it’s almost gotten him killed twice. This isn’t a game, Leighton. This is real life with real guns and real death. I’m not a hero. We’re just villains. We do bad things and don’t give a shit if people get hurt. Is that what you want?”
I waited—for what, I wasn’t sure. A smack across the face? The slam of the door as she walked out of it? Either would’ve been justified.
She did neither. She stood her ground.
“We don’t have a choice,” she said, wringing her hands.
We? What the hell did she mean, we?
I had her face in my hands before I realized I’d moved. “Everybody has a choice, little lamb. Making it is the easy part. Accepting it is what gets people killed.”
A tear escaped the tightly locked fortress of her eye and slipped down the back of my hand. “But you’re still alive.”
It wasn’t as much of a statement as a challenge.
“I accepted my choice a long time ago,” I said, answering with a cold detachment needed to make her understand. “You don’t retire from my world—you expire from it. Usually at the hands of your worst enemy or your best friend.”
“Doesn’t sound like much of a life.”
“Says the girl hiding out in a cartel safe house with a drug runner.”
She nodded, a breathy chuckle blowing over my knuckles. “Point taken.”
Biting her lip, she glanced down to where the pads of my fingers still pressed into her face. Not hard enough to hurt her, though. As much as a killer’s soul pumped through my veins, so did she.
But she didn’t belong in a killer’s world.
Letting go, I stalked to the window and stared out at the deserted street below. When I managed to reclaim a sense of clarity, I braced myself for what had to be done. It crippled me to hurt her but allowing someone as fragile as her into my world would cripple us both.
“I asked you why you really wanted to run away with me for a reason, Leighton, and, God help me, I think I have my answer. I’ll rectify what’s been wronged, but everything has changed. If I hadn’t gotten arrested, I would’ve turned my back on all I knew for you, but it would’ve been a mistake.” Holding onto the window frame, I glanced over my shoulder and held her stare. “You did us both a favor by leaving.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Leighton
Mateo’s admission was like a punch in the stomach. “How can you say that?”
I didn’t want to believe it. Although I’d held onto years of anger at being abandoned, some part of me still held out hope that somewhere he regretted walking away. I imagined the two of us meeting again—maybe by chance, maybe by fate, but always with an apology.
Not this.
He let out a breath, the little line between his eyebrows deepening. “Leighton, when you asked me to leave with you, I agreed because I thought the reason was me. I thought all the secrecy had finally gotten to you and you wanted to leave everything behind for me. To be with me.” He slammed his palm over his chest, bitterness in his tone.
“I did!”
“No, mi amor, you didn’t. You wanted me to be your escape. You knew I’d fight to the death for you.” He paused, his expression a mix of allegation and pain. “I think you counted on it.”
I avoided his eyes. If I didn’t, I was afraid he’d see the truth. “You’re wrong. I loved you.”
“That may have been true, but you were using our love as a shield against a secret you didn’t want to face.” Closing the distance between us, he lifted my chin. “You’re still doing it now.”
“No, Matty, please don’t do this.” I couldn’t handle the destruction of the perfect lie I’d held onto for so long.
“Fine, let’s talk about something else.” A storm raged over Mateo’s face. His gorgeous features twisted into an infuriated mass of narrowed eyes and hard-set lines as he stomped across the room and grabbed my purse off the floor. Dumping everything out onto the coffee table, he picked up my phone and typed in my password, bringing up my screen.
“How…?”
He didn’t bother glancing up as he scrolled through my phone. “Your passcode is 1003. October 3rd. The day Star met Matty. I told you I knew you better than anyone, remember?” Finding what he was searching for, he turned it around. “Who have you been calling?”
As much as I wanted to throw up as Alex’s number stared me in the face, a sick part of me was relieved to see it. It was over. I didn’t have to lie anymore. However, as relieved as I was, I still couldn’t force my mouth to say the words.
Mateo’s expression never changed. “I’m going to give you the chance to come clean one more time before I dial it myself and we find out the hard way.” I gripped my torn dress with shaking hands as he closed the remaining distance between us. “Who have you been calling?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“What I think?” He let out a laugh so loud I jumped. “What I think is that you’ve been reporting back to Agent Alex Atwood right under my nose, behind my back, and in my bed.”
The last three words were said with such vehemence I almost missed the hissing of Alex’s name.
Oh my God, he knew.
“Yeah, that’s right, I know his name,” he said, reading my mind. “I know all about him, including the fact he had you cornered at the party.”
There was no use denying it now. The only thing left to do was throw myself at his feet and hope he had a shred of feeling left for me.
But I couldn’t stand seeing that damn number staring at me anymore. Shoving his hand away from my face, I tried to sound apologetic while still standing my ground. “Yes, all right? Yes, I’m still talking to the DEA, but I haven’t given him anything to hurt you or Brody.”
Jerking his elbow back, Mateo threw my phone across the room. “Goddamn it!”
Luckily, it landed face down on the couch cushions, but his reaction left me in terror of what was now my reality. “Just listen to me, all right?” I begged, reaching for his arm. He didn’t immediately pull away, so I grasped onto that and kept going. “Yes, I should’ve told you, but I swear, I have a good reason for doing it.”
A cruel smile painted his lips. “What, a nice relocation package to go along with your betrayal?”
“You’re a hypocrite,” I shot back. “You demand honesty, but I deserve it too. Did you know Luis before I came back to Houston?”