“Wait, Seth Mills, Mr. Rugby stud himself, washed your clothes for you? That’s a big deal.”
“You might think so, but I’m so confused right now. I mean, he brought me home, washed my clothes, and made me breakfast.”
Abi swooned. “Wow, that’s impressive.”
“More like tense and a little uncomfortable. He’s hard to read. I mean, just when I think I know what he’s feeling, he does something to confuse me.”
“What did he do?” She sounded concerned all of a sudden.
“He kissed me goodbye.” I knew it was going to sound as if things were going better than they were.
She breathed a sigh of relief. “I don’t see a problem with that unless he forced you. I think you two both need to get over whatever roadblock you’ve put up and get together. Like officially.”
“I’m not even sure if he wants something official or if he’s just playing games with me. You saw him at the party. He was having a good time with Britany and Lizzy, and I could tell he was surprised to see me. He said he was concerned when he noticed me gone from the game, but come on. Everyone knows he would have ended up sleeping with Britany if I wasn’t around. They have a past apparently. But who doesn’t the male slut of Providence have a past with?”
“I don’t think he would have. And if you’re judging him by the actions of those girls, you might want to rethink that because they can be manipulative. Lizzy has been known to cause trouble in the past and tries to worm her way in to cause trouble.”
“I don’t need it. I need to focus on my grades, play rugby, and graduate. I just don’t know how to do that and not want Seth so badly.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
I hoped so.
On Monday, I still hadn’t figured anything out. My mind and heart were in a much worse state, and I had just about resolved to let Seth go and take myself out of the social scenes of my school altogether. Sure, it was a Clara move, but this was for many different reasons.
I had gone the entire weekend without so much as a text from Seth, and while I didn’t want to be the kind of girl to expect him to live and breathe me, it would have been nice if he had at least cared enough to want to know how I was feeling.
Instead, I nursed my hangover and my feelings all weekend alone.
So when I saw him at practice standing outside near the field talking to a girl I didn’t recognize, I decided I was wasting time with him. He wasn’t ever going to change.
I tried not to spy on him as he and the girl laughed and talked as she dug in her bag and handed him a slip of paper.
I didn’t have to wonder what that was. Of course, he had asked for her phone number. Why wouldn’t he? She was cute and perky in her little Pro-U cardigan and short skirt.
I went through the motions of practice just to get through it, and when it was time to walk out to the car, I saw Seth at his Jeep.
I hadn’t planned on engaging. Instead, I fished out my keys and had them ready as I approached my car, which was just on the other side of his Jeep. He parked next to me this time.
“Hey,” he said, stopping at the hood. “Aren’t you going to say hi?”
“Hi.” I took out my keys and unlocked the car as I got closer.
He looked confused, and I had far too much building on my mind to let him leave without saying how I felt.
As he hit the locks, I turned, and instead of getting in my car, I hopped in the Jeep as he settled behind the wheel. He gave me a strange look when he looked over to find me there.
“Is everything okay?”
“No, it’s not. If you’re going to mess around with every girl at this university, you’re going to have to stop kissing me.”
“I don’t understand. What does the rumor mill have me up to this week? I thought the latest rumor would be about us.”
“I don’t need rumors. I can see with my own eyes. You were just flirting and got that girl’s number. How do you think that makes me feel? And right here at practice for everyone to see. I guess now that everyone thinks we’ve slept together, it’s time to move on.”
Seth looked down at his hands, which were gripping the wheel. He looked disappointed, but I guessed that was how he would look, seeing that he had gotten caught.
“I wasn’t flirting with anyone. I was talking to Flora. She’s in my science class, which I’m about to fail miserably if I don’t study the pages she gave me.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a small folded sheet of paper. The one I’d seen her pass to him. “See?”
I unfolded it and read the page numbers. He was telling the truth. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. Next time, why not give me the benefit of the doubt? You know, I go to school here, and I know a lot of people, Avery. Guys and girls who I’m friends with and who I talk to. That’s not going to change. So I don’t know what to tell you. If you’re going to be jealous about every fucking one of them, maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need to stop kissing you. But if you’d trust me for five minutes and let me get through this fucking season, maybe we could have something really good. It’s up to you if you can trust that or not.”
“Is that what has you holding back? The game?”
“Coach thinks you’ll be a distraction, and he’s said it enough to put it in the others’ heads that I’m too distracted.”
“So you’re choosing the game? I guess I don’t blame you.”
“No, I’m trying not to choose. I’m trying to get through it all and still keep you. If you can’t handle it, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I overreacted again. I guess you’re getting pretty sick of that.”
“It’s not making it any easier.”
“I’m sorry I make it harder for you. I guess I just have feelings too.”
Seth reached for my hand and pulled it to his lips. “I don’t want to put rugby first, so I thought if I hold back a little, when I’m strong enough, maybe I could buy some time and not lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I guess I just need to know what you want from me. It’s hard to guess.”
“Well, I kissed you, and I want to do it again, and again, if that’s okay with you. But at the same time, Avery, I think it scares me.”
My eyes narrowed. “What are you scared of?”
“I’m scared of falling too fast, too hard, and of screwing it all up because of who I used to be. I’m scared of losing you.”
I moved closer in the seat. “I’m nothing to be afraid of.”
He smiled. “You have no idea. You make me want to be better, and that’s the scary part. I haven’t ever felt this way about anyone else.”
Seth leaned in, and I closed the distance between our lips, kissing him hard to show him how much I wanted it.
I wanted all of it. Everything.
Seth pulled away and looked down. “You make it hard to behave.”
“Who says we have to?” I kissed him again, this time moving across the seat to sit in his lap as he put the seat back.
He rested his hand on my thigh then moved to cup my ass, squeezing me closer as his tongue stroked mine. His hand didn’t stop until it was up my shirt, and I wanted him to touch me everywhere.