They dropped the big tree first, and just as if the whole family had been waiting for them to show up with trees, they came out with gloves on, ready to help pull it inside. Patrick, Jonah, and Daphne, too. Alice gave instructions from the stairway.
“Further left,” she said, and everyone shifted in a different direction.
“Love of my life,” Gabe said. “Our left or yours?”
“Oh. Mine.” Alice winced and everyone shuffled in the right direction. Dom set up the industrial tree stand and Iris was there with the ropes they’d use to stand the thing up and secure it to the wall, so there wouldn’t be a repeat of the tree-falling-down incident of 2012.
“Count of three,” Max said.
“Wait,” Alice said. “Would it be better by the windows?”
“No!” everyone yelled in unison.
“One. Two,” Max said. “Three.” And there was a chorus of groans and a showering of pine needles, and the tree weaved and then stood straight. And every Mitchell there cheered.
“Okay,” Alice said. “Who is going to help decorate?”
And like mice, everyone scattered.
It used to be Cameron’s job. Cameron and Alice for years, and then Josie joined. The three of them had spent hours on the tree. Getting the lights right. Hanging the ornaments just so. Cameron did it, in the beginning, for Alice. Because in the beginning he would do anything for Alice.
But Josie did it for Cameron. To be near him.
And at some point, she liked to believe that Cameron enjoyed being with her, too. She’d convinced herself that he felt the same way she did, but was shy. And worried about the age difference. And what the family would think.
She’d convinced herself of so much.
It’s not your fault.
That was bullshit. She’d been the only other person in that room the night of her birthday. And when she’d woken up, he was gone. He’d decided to leave the only home he knew rather than stay and talk to her. Be with her. Love her.
And—more importantly—her Christmas Survival Plan was rooted firmly on her decision to not think about him.
“Josie!” Alice cried and Josie stopped in her mad dash to hide in the kitchen. Which, really, if you were going to hide from Alice was kind of a crap hiding spot.
“Busted,” Helen said as she smiled and started to slide on past her to freedom. Josie put out her hand and stopped Helen.
“Hey, you were going to tell me something last night. You didn’t want me to be surprised…?”
The smile dropped from Helen’s face.
“Is everything okay? You’re kind of freaking me out,” Josie said.
“It’s fine. All is totally fine. I’ll tell you later. Go help Alice.”
“Come with me,” Josie begged. “Please…”
“No way. You haven’t been here for five years. Who do you think has been hanging all those ornaments to her exact specifications?”
Alice’s exact specifications were exactly what turned something that should have been fun into a hair-pulling event. But that wasn’t why Josie didn’t want to do this alone, and one look at Helen’s face and she knew her cousin got it.
But Helen shook her head, still unwilling to sacrifice the next few hours trying to make Alice happy.
“I will, however, save you some cookies and milk,” Helen offered as a consolation prize.
“Make it cookies and wine and you’re on.”
“It’s not even noon,” Helen said, feigning shock.
“Josie!” Alice shouted.
“Cookies and wine it is,” Helen said, and Josie turned around to meet her fate.
5
ALICE
Alice had some regrets in her life. The Snapsein wedding when she’d agreed on cupcakes for dessert. (Cupcakes, honestly. Was she ever glad that craze was over.) The soufflé misery of last year. The vegetarian Thanksgiving that was delicious, but that the old-guard Mitchell carnivores could not get their heads around.
She would have regretted her first marriage to Gabe, but without it they wouldn’t have ended up here, so she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. Though she regretted her behavior at the end. The things she’d said to him. The way they’d left things…so bitter. So scorched earth.
Thank god they’d gotten a second chance.
The years she’d lost to drinking. She regretted those more than she could say.
And that night with Josie and Cameron.
She’d tried to save both of them and ended up losing them instead.
It’s now or never to fix it.
Alice pushed a hand against her heart and took a deep breath.
She’d already messed this conversation up once; she didn’t want to do it again.
Just let her know you don’t blame her. That none of it was her fault.
That’s what Gabe had told her last night. She’d gone to bed sick to her stomach over the look in Josie’s eyes in the kitchen, and Gabe, as he always did, wrapped his arms around her and read her mind.
“Honey,” Gabe had said, kissing her head. Her shoulder. “She was seventeen. Doing what seventeen-year-olds do. You were the adult. You and Max…you made your choices. And, frankly, so did Cameron.”
She wanted to bristle. Argue in defense of the twenty-two-year-old boy she hadn’t argued for hard enough at the time.
And Alice wanted to protest that she’d done all that. She’d had that conversation with Josie in the weeks that followed her birthday.
But Alice was fifty years old and she could now admit this to herself, if not out loud. When she’d had that conversation with Josie all those years ago—Alice had blamed the girl. Just enough that everything she’d said probably sounded like a lie.
And she was embarrassed by it. But she’d been worried and scared and so very, very angry. And she’d tried to swallow it all down and be the adult in the room but…well, she’d never been very good at that.
But it was Christmas now.
And Helen was having a baby and Josie hadn’t been home in years and Alice didn’t even know where Cameron was right now.
And Josie was hurting. Was still hurting.
Last night in the kitchen, seeing the tears in Josie’s eyes had been a shock. That Cameron had never been in touch with her…well, shit. That spoke to a pain on Cameron’s part that Alice didn’t even know about. The past wasn’t quite in the past for Josie, as it was for Alice. The postcards from Cameron helped. And seeing him once a year—always away from the inn, but still. Knowing he was out there and doing well. The same Cameron he’d always been. That Cameron and Josie hadn’t been in touch in all these years—that was just wrong in a lot of ways.
And Alice felt pretty responsible for that.
Josie backed up out from underneath the landing with a plastic smile on her face, and Alice wanted to hug her and tell her she wasn’t fooling anyone. She wanted to hug Josie and tell her everything was okay. But the girl could hardly stand to be around her; she practically jumped out of her skin every time Alice glanced her way.
It was lemon in a cut.
God, I messed this up.
Alice picked up the stepladder and started down the stairs toward the tree.