“I get it,” she finally said. “It’s not like we planned this.”
“Well…” He decided on painful truth. Absolute truth. They owed each other that. “The truth is, I might have been.”
“Since when?”
“Really, probably the second I saw you when I first came in.”
“You were going to have sex with me and…what…?”
“Say goodbye.”
She set down the carrot.
“It was a bad plan,” he said. More truth. Truth upon truth. “And maybe I created that bad plan because I don’t know how to frame us. In my head. I don’t know how to do…this.” He waved a hand between them.
“Well, you did pretty great earlier.” Her smile wobbled. “The sex part, anyway.”
She was trying to make a joke, and he appreciated it but he couldn’t laugh.
“We never got to tell each other how we felt,” he said. “And I loved you, Josie. I really, really loved you.”
Her breath hitched and broke and she sighed. “I loved you, too.”
“So,” he said, “my plan was stupid.”
“Not stupid,” she said. “The sex part was good.”
“It really was,” he said with a laugh.
“Really?”
There was something unsure in her voice and he looked at her with his eyebrows raised. “Josie,” he murmured. “You can’t have doubts about how good that was.”
“Well, as you know, it’s not like I have a lot of experience.”
“Please tell me I didn’t hurt you,” he whispered.
“You didn’t,” she said. “It was just…a lot. All at once.”
“How…?” He let it trail off because he didn’t know how to ask the question.
“How am I a twenty-four-year-old virgin? Because it took me a long time to get over what happened the night of my birthday. And then, when other men touched me, I was just…so aware they weren’t you. And then, I don’t know, it got easier to simply turn it all off.”
“Why now?” he asked.
“Because…” She sighed. “Maybe this is how we end. This is how we fix what went so wrong. And maybe it’s how we become friends again. How we’re in each other’s lives again.”
He held his breath, wondering what she was saying.
Does she want…?
“Not like a relationship. I mean, that wouldn’t work. Even a little.”
She laughed, and he smiled, though it stung. Why not? he wanted to ask. What’s stopping us from trying? Her job? His lifestyle? Those weren’t big problems. But her laughter indicated something else, something fundamental, and so he let the idea go.
“But as a goodbye?” She looked at him. “The goodbye we should have had? I don’t know what would have happened that summer if we’d gotten together, but we were just starting our lives. And a goodbye between us was inevitable. And we never got to have it.”
I would have followed you, he thought but didn’t say. I should have followed you. Those were the things he never said out loud.
“This is goodbye, then?” he asked.
“I figure we have until our family comes barrelling through those doors.”
“When the storm passes.”
“Weather channel says we’ve got another day before the blizzard is over.”
“A day? A whole day?”
It sounded good. Like a dream come true, really. And also like heartbreak all over again.
“How do you want to say goodbye?” he asked.
“Not by eating cheese,” she said and kissed him.
16
CAMERON
Hours later, the room completely dark except for the fire crackling in the hearth, he brought the reheated cheese back to her where she lay on the couch, covered only by the blanket he’d tucked around her. She was at the edges of a puddle of warmth and light that they’d created. And—he wasn’t going to lie—that he wished would never end.
He paused in the cold darkness, looking at her. How much time did they have left? An hour. Four? Six? Was that enough.
“Come on,” she said, lifting the blanket. “You must be freezing.”
“You are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he said.
“That can’t be true,” she said, and he set down the food he’d made, pushed the ottoman closer so they could reach it, then scurried under the blanket with her. Her body was hot to the touch. She shrieked and flinched away from his cold hands but he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
“Mean! So mean!” she cried.
“The cost of the Georgian cheese boat.”
“Well, in that case…” She reached over and tore a piece off the bread boat and dipped it in the cheese. She handed it to him over her shoulder. As she reached for another one he could hear the buzzing and humming of her laptop where she’d slipped it beneath the couch.
“Were you working?” he asked.
“Just checking emails and…” He pressed the cold of his foot against her leg. “Yes. Yes. I was working.”
He shifted his leg away but pulled her closer, the swells of her naked body filling the dips in his perfectly.
“I’m going to ask you five questions—”
“No!” She laughed. “Cameron, have you ever actually gotten to the fifth question?”
“With you? No. I don’t think so. But hope springs eternal. Now, do you remember the rules?”
“Of course, Cam. I do watch your channel.”
“As a reminder, you have to answer honestly and right off the top of your head. If you take longer than five seconds to answer you have to pay a penalty.”
“That’s new. What kind of penalty?”
“The kind I decide.”
“You do love this game.”
“Hey, it’s served me well. Ready? What’s the best part of your job?”
“Solving problems,” she answered honestly.
“What’s the worst part?”
She was silent.
“One…” He rolled her onto her back so he could see her face clearly. “Two.” He lifted his hand, fingers extended and wiggling.
“Tickling?” she said. “Really? Tickling is the penalty?”
“Three.”
He dug his fingers into her side, into that spot where she’d always been ticklish. And she did not disappoint. Howling and twisting, she tried to get away. “Okay. Okay!” she screamed, and he paused and repeated the question. “Worst thing about your job?”
“The people.”
That made him pause. “You work with?”
“They’re not bad. I mean, some of them are okay. But these contestants. Fame hungry and drama hungry, they make bad choices and we make bad choices and it just turns into…something ugly.”
“Okay,” he asked quietly. “Why do you do it?”
“Because they keep giving me more money and bigger credits.”
“You never cared about money before.”
She blinked at him. “Well, I grew up.”