She stood, needing some air that hadn’t touched Cameron, and headed for the kitchen. Mom and Grandma Iris were in there, drinking tea or maybe whiskey in teacups. It was hard to know with those two.
“Josie,” Mom said, standing up straight. “Are you all right?”
No. I’ve blown up my life and I’m right back where I was when I was a kid, loving Cameron and not knowing what he thinks of me.
She opened her mouth to say fine. To smile and maybe ask for a teacup full of whiskey, but when she opened her mouth, nothing happened. There were no words. It was like her brain was saying—you can’t do this anymore. This is no way to survive.
“Oh honey,” Iris said, and Mom got out a teacup.
“Iris is having whiskey. I’m having tea. Which do you want?”
Josie pointed to the whiskey.
“I’ll be okay,” she said, and she knew that was the truth. The only way to survive heartache was to just push your way through. And she hadn’t done that years ago. She’d run from it and she’d been running ever since. If there was one thing she could leave this place with when Christmas was over, it was the knowledge that whatever came after this heartbreak was better than what had come before.
She felt good about that. Even if she did want to throw herself at her mom and cry.
The kitchen door opened and Cameron walked in. The storm outside had picked up its pace again and roared around the corners of the lodge like some kind of soundtrack to his entrance.
She took a sip of her whiskey and winced.
“Delia? Iris? Can you give Josie and I a second?”
Iris walked by Cameron and squeezed his hand. “I’m so happy you’re back,” she said, and Mom seconded that, and then they were out the door.
“Iris didn’t say that to me,” Josie said, trying for a joke.
“I always knew I was her favorite,” Cameron said with a smile. He stepped closer and Josie, instinctively, stepped back. Cameron stopped. Stricken.
“I just…I feel like a fool. You know? And I think I just need a second before we slip right back into being friends again. I know I rushed things,” she said. “Quitting my job and then trying to co-opt your work. It wasn’t fair. And I’m sorry.”
Cameron ran a hand through his hair and winced at her. “I think I just rushed things too,” he said and then looked down at her teacup. “Is that tea or whiskey?”
“Whiskey.”
“Can I—?”
She handed him the teacup and he shot it down. Josie, despite the pain and doubt, couldn’t help but laugh. “You all right—?”
“I just asked Max for his blessing to marry you.”
Josie stumbled backward onto a stool. “You did what?”
“I know,” he said. “I mean, the words just came out. Maybe not this year. Or maybe not for a bunch of years, but you and I are getting married.”
“That’s what you said?”
“I did. I said that.”
They gaped at each other. Until the shock of it all cleared away and made room for a wild burst of joy. She laughed and then clapped her hand over her mouth.
“I mean…what are we doing?” she asked.
He smiled the smile that made her feel like she was sitting in sunlight. The smile that made her feel seen and heard. And loved.
So loved.
“Maybe we’re not rushing things,” he said, slipping his fingers into her hair, cupping her face. “Maybe we’re just catching up.”
“I like that,” she breathed. “I like you.”
That made him laugh and kiss her forehead. Her nose. “I love you, Josie. I have loved you since you were sixteen years old. And I don’t know what happens next. But whatever it is, I just want to be with you.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
He kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him in close. “I love you,” she breathed into his mouth. Across his skin. Over all the years they’d been together and apart. “But what if…what if we don’t actually like each other? What if I snore and you’re a nag? What if we’re selfish—”
He shook his head, already about to prove her wrong. “We come from the same place, Josie. All those people in the other room. All those good honest, hardworking people brought us up. Showed us the way. Nothing bad has come from this place.”
“The Riverview does make special people.”
“None as special as you,” he said.
“I think that’s the whiskey talking.”
“It’s my heart talking,” he said and kissed her again. And again.
“I have one more question for you,” he said.
“Right. The always elusive fifth question.”
“Will you come with me? To Australia and New Zealand. Travel. Figure out a show. Build something? Together. You an—”
“Yes. Yes. To all of it.” She hugged him as hard as she could, like she could make up for all the years they’d been apart. As if she could absorb him right into her body.
“Best. Christmas. Ever.” Cameron said.
Epilogue
Ten Months Later
“Where are we going?” Josie asked, stumbling on something and clutching at Cameron’s hand. The blindfold was a little much.
“Can’t you trust me?”
“I think we left trust behind with the blindfold, Cam.”
“That’s not what you were saying the other night,” he joked, and she blushed. Ten months of sex with Cameron and her body went swimmy at just the thought of him. The idea of him. It was her own wild luck that she got to have that man in her bed all the time.
They were outdoors. She was guessing that she was in the woods because what she kept tripping over felt like tree roots. The sun was warm on the top of her head despite the cool late-October breeze blowing through the Catskills. They wore sweatshirts and running shoes. Which was kind of what they wore all the time now. Her NYC television executive wardrobe was moldering in boxes in her parents’ house these days.
“One…more…step,” he said and then stopped.
“Can I take off this blindfold?”
“Yeah. Here, let me help.” He tugged on the blindfold, lifting it off her head, and he was standing right in front of her, so his beautiful eyes and beloved face were the only things she could see. Which was never a bad thing.
“Hi,” she said and kissed him. He gave her a loud, smacking kiss and then leaned back. His eyes looked all around, like he was unable to focus. He’d been weird all day. And she thought she knew why but didn’t understand why he might not want to talk about what was making him weird. They talked about everything. Like they had to make up for the years of silence.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“Yeah? Why do you ask?”
“I mean, is it about the Netflix deal? Because we don’t have to take it.”
“No! I love the Netflix deal. The Netflix deal is perfect.”
They’d made a trip out to the Riverview after their week-long stay in the city, pitching their idea for a show to Netflix and a bunch of other streaming channels. And he’d been a little strange, but she might have just been projecting her own nerves onto him. She wasn’t nervous about the show or the contract with Netflix. No, she’d decided to compound the drama of the last few days by slipping a little gift for Cameron into her backpack when he asked her to go on this hike. And she was nervous about what he was going to say about the gift.