She’s been extra aggressive these weeks. I usually strike back, but I don’t want to stir a big problem with her. If she tells Dad about Levi and I, things will become murkier than ever.
The only reason she’s keeping her mouth shut about my relationship with Levi is because I threatened her that her sexcapades with Christopher under Dad’s roof will come to light as well.
That kept her in line. Sort of.
She and Chloe still throw remarks my way whether in the halls or at the games when I go. I decided to tune them out as background noise.
I’m finally living my life as I always wished, and I won’t let them or anyone else ruin it for me.
With every session with Dr Edmonds, I’ve come to appreciate everything I have. I’m even coming to peace with myself that I might never recall my memories from the night of the accident and that it’s completely fine.
My memories or whatever grudge I hold don’t define me. My past doesn’t define me.
Since that resolution, I’ve been more comfortable in my skin and I even started getting my muse back. Baby steps, but it’s there.
I want to say it’s all because of the therapy, but it’s not. There’s a different type of therapy wrapped in an enigma called Levi.
Ever since I found out he’s the one who saved me that night, it’s like someone breathed fresh air into my soul. My own type of a second chance.
I’ve been given that second chance for a reason. I always thought that Levi was my bully and my tormentor, but maybe since the beginning, he was more.
I’m not naive enough to think that life with Levi is easy. It isn’t. While he doesn’t have his father’s mental illness, he has a suffocating intensity that demands everything out of me.
Whenever he offers a piece of his heart, he confiscates mine in return. I’m just hoping it won’t be broken beyond repair by the end.
We didn’t start as some sort of a meet-cute. It was bloody and gruesome and a part of me knows that Levi will never be the prince charming type. I’m completely fine with that, I always preferred the villain anyway.
I love our morning runs and our non-traditional dates. I love how he models for me just so he’d end up taking my clothes off and I’ll be the one modelling for him. In bed.
Every time we have sex, it’s like he’s engraving himself into my soul piece by each bloody piece.
It’s become an addiction that I can’t get enough of.
But more than anything, I know I can’t get enough of him.
It’s him who’s turning my world upside down. The intense sex and the mind games are all a part of what he is.
Who he is.
And I want all of him.
Even with the feud between Dad and his uncle.
When I asked Levi if he weren’t curious about it, he said it was none of our business. We’re not our families.
“Earth to Astrid.”
My head snaps to Dan who’s been sitting on my desk, chatting about the upcoming game.
“Hey, crazy bugger.” Dan jams a finger in my arm. “You weren’t listening to me, were you?”
“I was. You’re so going to nail it.”
“Mrs Jills?” He scrunches his nose. “Thanks for the disgusting image of me nailing our fifty-year-old math teacher.”
I break in laughter. “Sorry, but hey, you do have a sex bucket list after all.”
“It doesn’t include fifty year old teachers.”
“No?”
“Freaking no way.” He releases an exasperated sigh, throwing a glance to our right where Nicole has been throwing daggers at us.
“Do you want a picture?” he asks her with sarcasm.
She flips her hair back. “As if anyone would need the trashy face.”
“Then stop looking.”
“And you stop talking to me.”
“Jesus.” Dan faces me again, his face tight. “How do you live with her?”
“I sneak out all the time.” I grin. “Never mind her.”
“If she bothers you, let me know.” His face is serious.
“So you’ll defend my honour?”
“Hell yeah. It’s in the freaking friendship manual that you should’ve read by now. You’re like the laziest best friend ever.”
“I’m working on it.” I laugh. “Hey, bug. Do you want to go shopping this weekend?”
He waggles his eyebrows. “Slutty lingerie for Captain?” His smile drops. “Wait. Wrong image.”
“No.” I chuckle. “I need serious interview clothes for Imperial College.”
“Ah. That.” He leans in. “You’re not going to talk to your father about the Royal College of Art?”
Considering that Dad’s been ghosting me in the house, and didn’t attempt to force me into those dreadful breakfasts, I don’t see the point.
“This is your future. You’re not supposed to make your parents happy on the expense of what will make you happy.”
“Wow. Since when did you become so wise, bug?”
His smile is faint. “Since I’m not going into engineering.”
“Oh. Why not?” Dan’s family owns an engineering company. He and Zach are expected to take over the family business.
Since I’ve become best friends with Dan, he’s always planned to do engineering in Cambridge. He has all the high grades and impressive records to fly him there.
Now, I feel like a horrible friend for not picking up on his change of heart earlier.
“I’m going to be a solicitor.”
“That’s also cool, but what made you change your mind?”
“Engineers are considered nerdy especially in college. Besides, solicitors have a more active sex life.”
“Please tell me you’re not changing interest because of a sex life.”
“It plays a part. Okay, a huge part. But no, I feel like I’m more fit for winning verbal arguments.”
I hold his hand. “I’m so proud of you. Whatever you choose, bug.”
“Me, too.” He removes his hand. “But don’t touch me. Captain is fucking crazy about that.”
Both of us laugh, knowing exactly how true that is.
My phone vibrates with a text.
Dad: Meet me in the school’s car park.
My heart starts beating loud. Why would Dad come to meet me at school?
“Do you want me to go with you?” Dan asks, apparently having seen the text.
“No. I’m cool. It’s going to be cool.”
I’m lying.
I’m freaking out on the inside.
Dad told me two days ago that he wanted to talk to the family about something important, but I never thought it’d be so soon.
Maybe he’s had enough and will finally adopt Nicole and throw me away.
As I walk out of the school, my chest tightens until it’s painful.
All this time, I convinced myself that I don’t care if Dad adopts Nicole. It’s not like I want to be Clifford’s princess anyway. But now that it’s becoming a reality, I feel like crying.
He’s my dad, not hers. Mine.
Deep inside, there’s a part that still longs for the father who used to carry me on his shoulders when I was a little girl.
The sound of rain fills the car park. Since it’s close to the afternoon, almost all students’ and teachers’ cars are gone.